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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660572">The words you choose to say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterlokisev159/pseuds/masterlokisev159'>masterlokisev159</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel 616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2020, Angry Steve Rogers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cap_Ironman Big Bang, Commander Rogers, Fainting, First Kiss, Hospitalization, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oral Sex, Overworking, Pining, Possessive Steve Rogers, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Protective Steve Rogers, Self-Sacrificing Tony Stark, Sick Tony Stark, Superhero Registration Act, Worried Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:59:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterlokisev159/pseuds/masterlokisev159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the SHRA, the events around Steve’s death and Tony discovering he deleted part of his brain, Tony finally decides he's done enough. With Osborn taken care of, Tony leaves the Avengers and decides to quit being Ironman effective immediately.</p><p>He tells himself it doesn't hurt when Steve agrees. Why should it? After everything he's done, the team's better off without him.</p><p>However before he can truly move on, there are things he needs to take care of, and it's not long before he realizes he's dangerously close to losing his company. He's desperate and willing to do anything to keep it together.</p><p>So when, after months of silence, Steve asks him to drop everything and come work for Shield, Tony finds he doesn't have a choice. He agrees, no matter how much he knows he shouldn't. His reputation isn't exactly the best after the SHRA and he's heard stories of what he'd done as Director. He's knows what he's done. He's knows he's responsible for what happened to Steve.</p><p>He just wishes someone had warned him first. He hadn't been prepared to deal with the consequences.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>2020 Captain America/Iron Man Big Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825097">[Art] cap-im BB 2020: team JULIETT</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/lomku/pseuds/oluka">oluka (lomku)</a>.
        </li>
        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844804">Art for The words you choose to say</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/oestentia/pseuds/oestentia">oestentia</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A story set in the 616 verse where, after the events of the SHRA, Tony wakes up from his coma and doesn't deal well with the consequences of his actions. He pushes himself over the edge until Steve finally steps in.</p><p>This story follows on from when Osborn is defeated and is set at a time where Tony has not spoken to the team in months. He's already struggling by the time Steve approaches him. </p><p>Please be mindful of the tags. There are brief mentions of suicide and although Tony is very reckless, he never actively attempts anything. But please be aware of this in case this is a trigger.</p><p>I just want to say a MASSIVE thank you to Lu and Juni who have been so incredibly patient with me throughout this whole process and have made such wonderful art! I could not have asked for a better team and you have to check out their art-IT IS GORGEOUS AND WONDERFUL!</p><p>Without further ado, enjoy!</p><p>Please enjoy and please do let me know what you think-I would absolutely love to hear what you think as you go!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It’s cold. It’s cold and dark. It’s...lonely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m afraid.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s what I always pictured.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Tony had always claimed to be a futurist. It was just how he was. What he was known for. What he did.</p>
<p>A futurist. Someone who could predict the future. Or try at the very least.</p>
<p>Sometimes he wondered if he’d seen this coming. Maybe somewhere down the line, he had and he’d just kept it to himself. Or maybe Pepper or Happy or Thor or Carol, or even Steve-</p>
<p>Maybe one of them had seen it coming too.</p>
<p>“Sir, you may enter now.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Tony replied with a confident smile and took a deep breath before dusting his suit down and standing up.</p>
<p>He was lucky he’d managed to get this appointment. Maybe he was downplaying it but things had been...difficult lately. Ever since he’d woken up from his self induced coma, too many things had happened at once and he’d barely had a chance to breathe. They’d taken out Norman which had been great and all but other than that...</p>
<p>Well. Things hadn’t been great.</p>
<p>“Mr. Stark, we don’t have all day.”</p>
<p>“Right, sorry!”</p>
<p>Yeah. Not great.</p>
<p>See, if things had been going great (which they weren’t but Tony wasn’t going to stop himself from hoping), he wouldn’t have been sat in this hostile little reception, waiting for the CEO of one of Stark industries biggest competitors to let him up while doing his level best to try not to drop down on his knees and beg.</p>
<p>But that was the situation he was in. He’d lost everything. And there wasn’t much time to try and bring it all back.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Tony loosened his shoulders and plastered on a winning smile. He followed the clearly disgruntled assistant through the long glass corridor and waited for her to step into the elevator first, before following her in. Once the doors slid closed, he felt the familiar pull in his stomach as the elevator began to move up.</p>
<p>If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend it was his building and this was just another day in his life as head of Stark Industries. No financial burdens and no news to catch up on. Just him and his life’s work and the team and Ironman.</p>
<p>And Steve. Of course, there was Steve. He and Steve had been-</p>
<p>“Mr. Stark!”</p>
<p>“Right, I’m coming.” Tony said quickly and stepped out of the lift to follow the sharp heels of the assistant. A frown appeared on his face when he realised she wasn’t even stopping to hold the glass doors open. By the third door, he quickly realised she didn’t like him, much like the reception staff and guards at the front hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Is there something wrong?” He raised a brow and tried to see her face, but the dark haired, slim woman didn’t even bother to turn back round and face him which just irritated him even more.</p>
<p>Great. Just great.</p>
<p>“Not a thing.” She replied smoothly, but still didn’t face him. A small part of him wondered if they’d actually take him seriously if he filed a complaint. He was pretty sure Pepper had never acted this way with anyone during her time as his personal assistant. He’d definitely find out after this.</p>
<p>They came to a door at the end of the corridor, and Tony felt his shoulders loosen at the thought of not being with this young woman any longer. Silence always set him on edge, and even more so when there was no one to turn to. It was almost isolating.</p>
<p>Slowly, the assistant grabbed the steel handle and pulled the glass door open, finally showing some modicum of decency. It took every ounce of strength not to make a point of it as he walked through. Finally the door swung closed behind him, leaving just himself and one other person in the room. The man he’d wanted to see.</p>
<p>Sitting in a seat in the centre of the long rectangular business table was Mr. Robinson. It was just him in the room, and he seemed to be busy doing something on the laptop in front of him. He had yet to look up.</p>
<p>A heavy weight began to settle on Tony’s shoulders. So nothing new there.</p>
<p>Taking a leap of faith, he stepped forward and cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Mr. Robinson, it’s good to see you.”</p>
<p>Mr. Robinson had always been a bit of an unknown to Tony. He’d only really met him a few times, and that too because he’d turned down various invitations to discuss join investments. As it stood, Tony didn’t really know what to expect from him, other than the fact he was a tall, dark and handsome type in his mid-thirties who was the CEO of AXO, a recent start up technological company that had grown fairly quickly in the time he’d been running from Osborn. A self made entrepreneur.</p>
<p>Tony prayed Mr. Robinson would hear him out since this would really be his last chance. There weren’t many options left.</p>
<p>“Mr. Stark.” He said in a surprisingly firm voice for a thirty year old, and paused his tapping to look at him. “Have a seat.”</p>
<p>No hello, nothing. A good start.</p>
<p>Tony steeled himself and sat down on the other side of the table just opposite of Mr. Robinson.</p>
<p>“I can’t thank you enough for this meeting. I know things have been busy, what with being a CEO of such a great company.”</p>
<p>If Mr. Robinson was pleased, he didn’t show it. Rather, he just glanced back at his laptop screen and tapped something else out. He didn’t say a word.</p>
<p>A short silence dragged out loud enough for Tony to hear the tumbleweed scraping the floor.</p>
<p>“Umm...Mr. Robinson?” Tony laughed nervously, raising a brow. He’d had his fair share of being blanked but this silence was far colder. Sub-zero.</p>
<p>Finally the man looked up and met his eyes.</p>
<p>“I know why you’re here Mr. Stark. But please. Feel free to ask me.”</p>
<p>Tony felt his eyes grow wide. “Well that’s not what I expected.</p>
<p>“Of course not. You’ve not really been around have you?” Mr. Robinson smirked. “It’s no surprise, considering Ironman’s performance a few months ago.”</p>
<p>Tony’s heart sunk at that. It was a sore spot for him and one he’d really struggled with. He owed it to everyone to try.</p>
<p>“Well if you know my situation then there’s no point wasting time.” Tony said dryly, hoping the man couldn’t see the slight tremor in his hand.</p>
<p>Tony took a deep breath and focused his gaze just passed the man’s shoulders. “I need your help.”</p>
<p>There was a pause. Then Mr. Robinson scoffed.</p>
<p>“Well. That didn’t come out easily did it.” Mr. Robinson laughed and leaned back against his chair with folded arms. “I can’t say I’m surprised but who’d have thought the great Tony Stark would come to me on his knees, practically begging-“</p>
<p>“I’m not begging.”</p>
<p>“Oh but you are.” Tony didn’t like the gleam in his eye. “You are and you have to. You don’t have a choice.”</p>
<p>Rage flooded his body. The sheer cockiness of this man was infuriating.</p>
<p>“I have a choice.” Tony said mildly, lifting his chin up to look down at the man. “I just figured this might be worth a shot. But if you’re not interested then neither am I.”</p>
<p>“What choice might that be Mr. Stark?” Robinson jeered, practically snickering with laughter now, and Tony grit his teeth to keep from swearing.</p>
<p>“The doors’ there.” Tony said instead, jerking a thumb at the glass door behind him. “I can leave if you prefer. Just say the word.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, no need for that.” Robinson said casually, waving away the idea. “I am interested. After all who wouldn’t be?”</p>
<p>So maybe he could still get something out of this. Tony was desperate to save his company so he’d accept the cockiness.</p>
<p>“Okay, great.” Tony said eagerly, leaning forward. “So you’re interested in the company. We can definitely work with-“</p>
<p>“You misunderstand me. It’s not the company I’m interested in. I have my own you see.” Robinson shook his head and closed the lid of his laptop with a loud click. Then he eyed Tony up and down with laser focus.</p>
<p>“It’s you I’m interested in, Mr. Stark. You have a lot to offer and I think we can all agree that the only value your company offers, is the name attached to that building.”</p>
<p>Tony bristled at that. “The company is more than just my name. It’s the effort of hundreds of employees and countless innovations-“</p>
<p>“Yes, yes. But there is only one Tony Stark. You’re company is just that, a company. But you...”</p>
<p>Suddenly a slow smile spread across his face and he stared at Tony like he was in complete awe. Only it was borderline obsessive. Tony had seen that look before on some of his more personal enemies. It was never a good sign.</p>
<p>“You’re Ironman. A symbol. Granted it’s a dying symbol but I feel we can still make use of that. Why, I even think we could-“</p>
<p>“Ironman is not on the cards here.” Tony said flatly, starting to accept that this was a waste of his time. This joker was clearly not fussed about his company so there was no point. Unless he could try tactic B.</p>
<p>“What about resources? Stark industries offers a huge research and development team which everyone knows is-“</p>
<p>“Run by you and patented by you. Yes we all know.” Robinson leaned forward and steepled his fingers under his chin. “You’re the brains behind the machine. The centerpiece. The only piece that really matters.”</p>
<p>“I think I should go.” Tony sighed and pushed his chair out, only pausing when Robinson instantly reached over and grabbed his wrist.</p>
<p>“Hey-“</p>
<p>“I have a proposition for you. Just listen.” Robinson requested but the long fingers around his wrist tightened just a hair. So Tony nodded and tried not to yank his hand away out of habit. He hated it when strangers did that.</p>
<p>Robinson sighed and released him. “I don’t mean to disrespect your company. Or the efforts of the workers. But I cannot overlook your value. You’re fascinating.”</p>
<p>Somehow Tony didn’t like the way this guy was sounding. Something about the wording put him on edge.</p>
<p>“To put it simply, I want you Mr. Stark. Your mind and ability. I don’t need your company but I know it’s on it’s last legs. You’ll need a job soon and seeing as you’re not an Avenger anymore-“</p>
<p>“Don’t.” Tony said sharply, and thankfully Robinson backed down. That wound was far too fresh and he didn’t need it scraped by this snake.</p>
<p>“Seeing as these are changing times for you, I thought I could offer you a job instead. As my head of research and development.”</p>
<p>If Tony hadn’t had years of experience being a public figure, he would’ve gaped at the suggestion.</p>
<p>“Of course there would be certain stipulations. For instance, I’d have to restrict your access to some of my designs and of course, your designs would have to be signed over and your suit would need to be-“</p>
<p>“I think I’ll take my leave now.” Tony said firmly and shoved the chair back to stand up. Without even casting a look back, he grabbed the steel handle and yanked it open.</p>
<p>“Millions Mr. Stark! I’ll pay millions!”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t care if he felt the door hit him on the way out. The glass could break for all he cared.</p>
<hr/>
<p>By the time he got back, it was late. The dark dim alleys of the city reached out to him like hands, almost waving at him to join them. New York was always dim at that time of night but for some reason the world felt particularly colder on this night. In an unusual show of humility, Tony left the nameless chauffeur a few blocks away from the tower and decided to walk it, feeling like he needed the fresh air.</p>
<p>There was nothing in the tower anyway. He’d pretty much lost it all when Osborn had taken over, but then the remaining had been sold to eager buyers and fanatics. He didn’t even know where half of his cars had gone and it wasn’t like his memory was helping him.</p>
<p>It was fine though. He didn’t really care about that. What he did care about was the slow growing realisation that he would probably have to make hundreds of people unemployed. Hundreds of bright young men and women would lose their jobs because of him.</p>
<p>So how could he just waltz into the tower and greet Jenny at the front reception? How could he keep sending emails to Mike in the R&amp;D department when he’d soon make him jobless? How could he go back there and pretend everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t?</p>
<p>He’d screwed up. From the second he’d decided to support the SHRA he’d ruined everything. Like one big snowball, his life was tumbling down.</p>
<p>“Hey, watch it!”</p>
<p>Tony grunted as a man shoved past him. He shouldn’t have left the car. There was a reason he hated being outside like this.</p>
<p>The tower wasn’t far. Beyond the passing yellow blur of cabs was the tower and with it, a faint sense of home. But it didn’t give him that full feeling anymore, hence his detour. As he powered on, he felt something ease in him.</p>
<p>Just on his right was the bakery that he would often grab goods from. It was closed of course, since no bakery like this would be open at eleven at night. But on certain mornings, he’d collect his order and leave the biggest tip. And it would always be the same; a sesame bagel and plain one for himself. Once upon a time it had been part of his day to day but now it was just a part of the past. Something that felt wrong to look at.</p>
<p>The bakery sign was turned off. Tony stopped in front of it and stared.</p>
<p>Briefly he wondered if Steve ever thought about it.</p>
<p>After spending some time walking through the dying streets of late New York, he continued his way home, being sure to keep himself concealed all the way back. Once he got to the tower and greeted Jenny and several others, he made his way up to his floor and felt his mind begin to drift.</p>
<p>“Hey JARVIS, open up new messages.”</p>
<p>“Sir, you have a message from Miss. Potts. Do you wish to hear it?”</p>
<p>“Sure, fire away.”</p>
<p>He felt tired. Even though he’d had no doubts that his meeting with the AXO head wouldn’t work out, he’d still held out for a hope. Futurist belief and all that.</p>
<p>He made his way to his bedroom without a sound. Empty corridors were all he was surrounded by. He was getting used to it.</p>
<p>“Sir, you also have a message from a private contact.”</p>
<p>Tony hummed and reached out for the scanner by his door. It unlocked under his palm and he trudged in, dumping his briefcase on the chair by his bed.</p>
<p>“Sir?”</p>
<p>“Yeah sure, that’s-hold on, did you say private contact?” Tony frowned and dropped down on the edge of his bed, bending over to undo his shoelaces. “Who was it?”</p>
<p>“I can run scans if you like?”</p>
<p>“Do it.”</p>
<p>While JARVIS worked on that, he took off his shoes, jacket and belt and fell back on the bed with a sigh. The soft fabric of his quilt was probably the only thing he could say he enjoyed today. The four hour trip to see Robinson had not been worth it.</p>
<p>“Sir, there are several encryptions. Would you like me to break through?”</p>
<p>“Do it.”</p>
<p>It was at times like this that he missed Extremis. The power he’d had just by thinking it. For a small while he’d been strong.</p>
<p>Maybe too strong. At least Steve had thought so.</p>
<p>“Contact has been discovered. Miss Maria Hill from Shield base.”</p>
<p>Well that was a surprise. Last he’d heard from her, everyone had been going their own separate ways following Osborn’s defeat. She’d quickly left after calling him an idiot.</p>
<p>He blinked at the ceiling and considered it. “Did she leave a message?”</p>
<p>“No sir.”</p>
<p>“Call her. And put it on speakers.” He decided and waited while the speakers connected.</p>
<p>It took exactly one ring for Maria to pick up.</p>
<p>“Stark.” She said bluntly and Tony tried not to wince at the tone. That was definitely not an improvement from last time.</p>
<p>“Agent Hill! What brings you here?” He tried, feeling a thin smile spread across his face. These days, he didn’t really have many people to talk to. Other than Jenny, of course.</p>
<p>There was a brief pause. A few things were tapped in the background and then she spoke.</p>
<p>“Stark. We need you to come in.” She sighed, and almost sounded tired. Strangely enough, Tony didn’t think it had anything to do with him.</p>
<p>“And why do you want me to do that?”</p>
<p>“Don’t bother Stark, we know your situation. You’d best come in so that we can debrief you.”</p>
<p>Yeah as if.</p>
<p>“No can do Hill. I’ve got better things to do than run around because some government organisation wants to kick me around.”</p>
<p>Tony could already tell he’d pissed Maria off. “You realize it’s not me who wants you here right? It’s not my orders. They come from higher up.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah.” Tony scoffed, feeling giddy at the prospect of turning down the offer, no matter how tempted he was. “How high?”</p>
<p>“Commander level high.”</p>
<p>Tony’s breath caught. The smile slid off his face.</p>
<p>“You mean-“</p>
<p>“He’s issued the order. You better come in or else.” Maria said harshly, sounding firm as a marshal, but Tony’s mind was in array.</p>
<p>“He wouldn’t...why would he...” The words weren’t forming fast enough. It was too much for him to even verbalise.</p>
<p>It couldn’t be that Steve was ready to forgive him. There was no way.</p>
<p>That didn’t stop a small part of him from hoping.</p>
<p>“<em>Tony! Don’t you dare walk away!”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Why!? Because you’re going to forgive me!? I’m not gonna apologise for something I don’t even remember!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then turn around and leave! As far as I’m concerned, we’re done! And don’t you dare come back to this team or any other Avenger! You’re out!”</em>
</p>
<p>It had been nasty. Had turned nasty pretty quickly. The adrenaline of facing Osborn and the lack of contact before that moment had made them ill-prepared for the moment they would finally see each other. Steve had screamed and he had screamed back.</p>
<p>Finally he’d walked away.</p>
<p>“What does he want from me?” Tony asked quietly, feeling detached from his own words. Did it matter?</p>
<p>“Come in on Monday. You’ll find out.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>He could barely remember the last time he’d had an escort take him to the Helicarrier. Usually he’d fly in his armor and finish up the work there before heading home to meet the team.</p>
<p>It was hard to imagine he’d once lived on the Helicarrier as the director. Sometimes he’d think about it and still not come up with a way to picture it.</p>
<p>Does Steve like it up here?</p>
<p>“ETA is ten minutes. Confirming we have Anthony Edward Stark on board. Report to base.”</p>
<p>Surrounding him in this small space were five shield agents, all male and dressed in the same uniform Tony had seen before. Black skin tight body suits and yellow logos with a single belt and boots. It was similar to the directors uniform, even though he couldn’t remember wearing that. Still, he felt safe enough with these men and since they’d boarded the helicopter, they hadn’t disturbed Tony at all.</p>
<p>After some time, the helicopter started to descend and Tony felt his stomach shift as the pressure popped his ears. Beside him, the various shield escorts said nothing, busy speaking to each other on a separate channel in the headphones in a heated discussion.</p>
<p>Since he was beside the window seat, he could see the Helicarrier below them. It still looked incredible (not that he’d ever admit that to anyone) but he didn’t see anyone waiting. Actually, he didn’t see anyone at all. <em>Weird</em>.</p>
<p>He reached up for the switch on the headphones and spoke to the Shield escorts. “Where is everyone?”</p>
<p>There was a brief pause where Tony watched them glance at each other with a knowing look. Finally one answered.</p>
<p>“It’s classified. Nothing to concern yourself with Mr. Stark.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned at the tone. If it hadn’t been for the headphones, he would’ve thought the guy didn’t like him. But of course, it was so loud up in the air, he couldn’t be sure.</p>
<p>It wasn’t long before the helicopter came to a complete stop on the flight path of the Helicarrier. Once the shuddering came to a stop, Tony waited with a baited breath for the seal to release and the doors to slide open. One by one, they all took their headphones off and climbed out. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he started looking around carefully.</p>
<p>There was literally no one around. Not a soul. It was almost...eery.</p>
<p>Slowly, he turned on his feet and approached the five shield escorts who were busy mumbling between themselves. It seemed like they’d forgotten about him, when obviously they hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Excuse me gentlemen. Mind telling me when the commander will get here?” Tony said politely. From the small circle they’d formed, they all stared at him in muted horror, as if he’d committed a crime. Maybe defaced the shield logo or something.</p>
<p>“What?” Tony laughed nervously, feeling just a little self conscious. Had he stepped on a mind-field without realizing it?</p>
<p>“Wait here.” The tallest guy grunted and pulled off a com speaker from his belt. With a click of the button, he activated it, giving Tony a quick once over.</p>
<p>Tony wondered if he’d imagined the slight disdain.</p>
<p>“We have landed and are on the upper deck. Awaiting instructions from the commander.”</p>
<p>The man clicked the device off and placed it back in his belt holder. Then they all stood and waited awkwardly for someone to break the silence.</p>
<p>Well Tony had never claimed to be the silent type.</p>
<p>“Been working hard? I see they still got the same uniform.” Tony winked, letting his hands fall into his pockets casually.</p>
<p>The men glanced at each briefly. Then one replied.</p>
<p>“It’s the same.” He said rather curtly and didn’t really invite anymore topics. In fact, none of them really did. Tony was suddenly reminded of crickets after a bad joke, or a kid at school dinners saying they liked the crappy mac and cheese more than the chocolate cake. The silence was deafening.</p>
<p>He decided to look around instead. With a sweeping glance, he noticed that the landing strip was completely empty of planes or any weaponry which was odd since even thousands of feet up in the air, the Helicarrier was still a target.</p>
<p>Tony squinted at the holder where the usual cannons and weapons mounts would be. Surely there would’ve been some weapons on standby?</p>
<p>He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. It was getting late. The sun was just starting to set and was painting the evening sky a burning orange colour that brushed across to a softer lilac. At seven pm, not many could say they were boarding the Helicarrier on a social visit. Or that they had a direct invite from the commander himself.</p>
<p>Steve always had been one for dramatics. He usually made the rules in every team he led.</p>
<p>The soft clip of footsteps caught his ear and when he turned, he recognized who it was. Maria Hill stood before him, giving him a strange look. She was surrounded by four Shield agents of her own and not one of them gave away any expressions. Only Maria’s gaze was scathing.</p>
<p>“Stark.” She nodded and glanced at his circle of escorts that were quickly growing bored. “Edmund. Any issues?”</p>
<p>The one that had spoken for the group responded. He was a tall dark haired man with a slim build and a smug look. He didn’t seem like the type to show off, but he did seem overly cocky.</p>
<p>“No issues. Now that we’ve delivered the goods, can we leave now?”</p>
<p>Tony frowned at the choice of words while Maria glared.</p>
<p>“That’s enough of that. I told you to do your job so do it.”</p>
<p>“But can we go now?” Edmund insisted and Tony scoffed, receiving daggers from Edmund and his little group. Tony didn’t care, he just smirked and gave them a little wave.</p>
<p>“You may go. But be sure to report to me first thing tomorrow. Dismissed.”</p>
<p>The men mumbled as they stepped past Maria. Soon enough it was just Maria and her group. So many groups.</p>
<p>Tony instantly ached for his old team. The Avengers team he apparently broke up.</p>
<p>After a brief silence, she spoke. “We’ve been waiting for you.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s ominous.”</p>
<p>She scowled and folded her arms. “Don’t play coy with me Stark. You have been busy avoiding us.”</p>
<p>“Well I’m a busy man. Just because I don’t work for you, doesn’t mean I don’t work.” He replied, folding his arms too. He was exhausted from the journey and he didn’t appreciate the tone he was getting. Shield had called him, he came, what more did they expect?</p>
<p>“And you didn’t contact me you know. I only got a voice mail and that was it. What’d you expect? I’m good but I’m not psychic.”</p>
<p>With a sigh, Maria let her hands fall to her hips. She seemed exhausted herself to be fair, and Tony almost felt bad for her. Then again, it wasn’t like he knew her that well.</p>
<p>“We have history Stark. You’re a jerk.”</p>
<p>“I told you. I don’t remember!”</p>
<p>“Sorry I didn’t call first.” Tony smiled widely, hoping to get a smile out of her but it didn’t work. If anything she just looked more tired.</p>
<p>“C’mon Stark, lets just get this over with. The commander’s waiting inside for you.” She said, turning on her heel quickly. Tony opened and closed his mouth sharply. It was better not to ask-</p>
<p>“He was in the middle of a meeting. In case you were wondering.” Maria tossed over her shoulder and Tony let out a sigh of relief before he could stop himself.</p>
<p>It was ridiculous. Childish. Why was he relieved to hear Steve was busy? What on earth did that make a difference to? Steve still didn’t care about him and he still didn’t care.</p>
<p>He was also a pathological liar. And that was the truth!</p>
<p>For instance, when Pepper told him about the SHRA and the fact that Steve had been-</p>
<p>
  <em>Stopstopstopstopdontdontdont-</em>
</p>
<p>When he had been...when he had gone, Pepper had told him he had been distraught. Apparently he had been so bad that-</p>
<p>Well. Him and Steve would’ve been together at least. That’s what he’d first thought when Pepper had told him. He hadn’t mentioned it to her. Some things were best kept under lock and key.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hello, my name is Tony Stark and apparently I was sui-</em>
</p>
<p>His thoughts were cut short when they entered the inside of the Helicarrier flight hanger. Through their, they crossed the mostly empty hangar (except for a few fighter planes) and reached the elevator at the end. Maria still had her mini-army of Shield agents but they waited for him to enter before clogging up the lift. With a single scan of Maria’s palm, the elevator began to descend. It was probably the most painfully awkward elevator ride he’d ever had in his life.</p>
<p>After what felt like years, there was a beep and the doors slid open. Maria held out her hand and gestured.</p>
<p>“You first.” She nodded and Tony did as told, hearing the five pairs of footsteps behind him. They’d reached a straight corridor with maroon flooring and steel walls that led to only one door. Tony was somewhat confused since he didn’t recognize this place on board but it quickly dawned on him that behind that door was likely to be Steve.</p>
<p>They were in the Commanders deck. His own private office. Probably the only place with any privacy on this plane. The clearance level for this had to be through the roof.</p>
<p>And he was standing here without even holding a hall pass. Small wonders.</p>
<p>“He’s waiting for you.” Maria urged but something stopped him. Like a physical chain around his waist that pulled him back, no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t free himself to move.</p>
<p>Opening that door would be like opening Pandora’s box. He hadn’t spoken to Steve in three months. That in itself caused damage and that didn’t even begin to touch on the fact that he was responsible for what happened to Steve, even if he couldn’t remember it.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t know much about the SHRA, other than what he’d read. But he did know who’s fault it was that the team split. And that Norman had taken over and managed to gain one of the armours. That the Skrull had managed to invade. And that Steve had been-</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go first?” Tony suggested, spinning on his feet to meet Maria’s unimpressed gaze. “He likes you more after all.”</p>
<p>“Just get in Stark.”</p>
<p>“Fine.” He held up his hands and sighed. “So we don’t have any doubts here, I’m saying it now, it’s a bad idea. Me and him-“</p>
<p>With a huff, Maria tugged him around and guided him forward with a hand pressed against his back. The resounding footsteps followed him as he was frogmarched to the door. One of Maria’s underlings knocked and moments later, the opaque glass door slid open.</p>
<p>Tony hadn’t prepared enough for the moment. He could barely take his eyes off the man in front of him.</p>
<p>It was Steve-living, breathing and in the flesh. No part of him was out of place and that was good-very good and Tony couldn’t ask for more. A healthy, happy Steve was just perf-</p>
<p>“Stark?” Maria’s voice sounded distant. “Pay attention.”</p>
<p>“Right.” He breathed, feeling his mind recenter once again. Then he blinked and looked properly this time.</p>
<p>The room was well lit from the translucent wall of glass that was posing as a great backdrop for Steve and the room overall. Other than that, there was just a long black desk with several slim computers and tablets and multiple stacks of paper. Tony was sure he spotted at least three phones on the desk.</p>
<p>Steve was seated behind it, currently writing something down on one of the pieces of paper with quick movements of his pen. From here, Tony could see the highlights of his blond hair since his head was bent down a little, and could just about make out the finer angle of his clean-shaven jaw. His arm muscles contracted every so often with each new sentence of the pen, and Tony couldn’t help but think back to how strong had always seemed. Tony wasn’t short or small by any means, but Steve had always seemed bigger and stronger, in a way that had always made him feel safe.</p>
<p>Looking at Steve now, Tony wasn’t sure what to think.</p>
<p>He looks good, Tony thought, almost miserably as he gleaned the navy blue uniform Steve had donned for his new position. It reminded Tony of the Captain America uniform everyone knew but this one seemed almost...colder in comparison. Formal and full of secrets with nothing else to it.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure he liked it.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Hill.” Steve said quietly, still scribbling away and suddenly Tony couldn’t believe he was listening to Steve’s voice after so long. Had it really been three months since Osborn?</p>
<p>
  <em>Since I resigned as Ironman? Since my company started to go down?</em>
</p>
<p>“Do you want me to stay?” Maria asked and Steve paused his writing but didn’t look up.</p>
<p>“No. I’ll take over from here.” He ordered, and Tony didn’t know what to make of that. He still hadn’t even been looked at by Steve. This greeting was starting to become ridiculously familiar. Perhaps he needed to get used to this new routine. Apparently ex-Avengers didn’t get respect.</p>
<p>As requested, the door slid open behind him and Maria and her team went. Tony felt his palms start to sweat as the door slid shut again.</p>
<p>It was just him and Steve. No one else...</p>
<p>Why had they left him with Steve?</p>
<p>Steve was one person Tony didn’t want to upset right now. He didn’t want to be reminded of his failings and step on any toes. He just wanted to do whatever it was Steve needed and be done with it. The longer he stayed here, the more he’d miss his old life, and lament the decisions he made, even if he couldn’t remember them.</p>
<p>For a moment, Robinson’s offer looked tempting.</p>
<p>“Stark. Thank you for coming.” Steve finally said, placing his pen down with a quiet tap. Then slowly, he leaned back in his huge chair and inspected Tony carefully with a masked expression. Tony couldn’t make heads or tails of it but he knew from just the look alone that he was not forgiven.</p>
<p>Also, the deliberate use of his last name. Since that hadn’t hurt. Ouch.</p>
<p>“Course. Was the least I could do.” Tony smiled tightly, hoping to get something out of Steve but there was nothing. Steve was a sphinx.</p>
<p>“So you got my call.” Steve tilted his head. “Do you know why I called you in?”</p>
<p>To fight me. “No idea Captain Commando.”</p>
<p>Steve’s gaze sharpened just a fraction. “It’s Commander. I’m not Captain America anymore.” And really, Tony had to scoff at that.</p>
<p>“Oh please. You’ll always be Captain America. That’s just who you are.” Tony rolled his eyes fondly and shifted on his feet, feeling lighter all of a sudden. “You swoop in with your plan and rescue the poor victim and everyone hails Captain America, the paragon of justice for being a hero. It’s just how it is.”</p>
<p>He smiled just thinking about it. The good old days where the team would be there, but most importantly Steve would be leading them front and centre, not even hesitating to help whoever needed it. It was a core part of Steve that Tony had loved even then.</p>
<p>And loves. Even now.</p>
<p>“Well I haven’t been Captain America for a long time. I think this job suits me better.” Steve sighed and rubbed at his forehead tiredly. “Even if I don’t leave this room half the time.”</p>
<p>“Why’s that?”</p>
<p>“Security.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Tony glanced at the stack of sheets and frowned. “But you enjoy it right?”</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say anything to that. Instead he just stared at Tony like he was staring at a complete stranger.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I just-.” Steve shook his head and blinked. “I forget you don’t remember. You’ve been director of Shield before. That’s a monumental job and you don’t remember any of it.”</p>
<p>Shame and frustration coated every inch of Tony’s body. He was trying. That was all he could do, wasn’t that clear enough?</p>
<p>“It’s not an enjoyable job but it’s necessary.” Steve laughed bitterly, shrugging his shoulders and giving Tony a wan smile. “If you remembered, I think you’d agree with me.”</p>
<p>Tony's heart sank. It hadn’t even taken two minutes.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to fight you Steve. Not again.”</p>
<p>“Sure. Because that stopped us before.” Steve continued tiredly and Tony groaned because why did they have to do this? Why couldn’t they just...move on?</p>
<p>“Right. Look, I don’t know what to do here. You asked me to see you and I’ve come. If we fight, I’m just making it clear that I didn’t ask for it. You did.” Tony narrowed his eyes and folded his arms. “Don’t blame me for that. And the memories-“</p>
<p>“The memories are just an excuse Tony!” Steve said incredulously and seemed disbelieving. His eyes were wide and he was almost shaking his head in wonder. “You say that for everything! You haven’t even apologized for the SHRA!”</p>
<p>“Because I don’t remember.” Tony grit out. “It’s not my fault.”</p>
<p>“It is! And that’s exactly my point!” Steve cried out and was about to say more when he suddenly froze. Then he stopped and leaned back in his chair. Calmly, he folded his hands in his lap and smiled tightly, going back to his Commander stance. A reminder for him to behave because Steve was the boss here. Steve made the calls.</p>
<p>“I called you here because I have a proposition for you, Stark. There’s something I wanted to discuss.”</p>
<p>“So no Tony then?” Tony sneered, feeling somehow more irritated by that than the fact that Steve was probably about to boss him around. One of those he was used to but the other ticked him right off.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t seem too bothered. He was back under control. “Do you want to hear it or not?”</p>
<p>“Fire away. Your wish is my command.” Tony spat out, resisting the urge to mock Steve with a bow. It probably wouldn’t help but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel like doing it. Some things never changed.</p>
<p>“Good. Because I have a job for you.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t brush it off just yet, Stark. I heard about your company.”</p>
<p>The smile vanished from Tony’s face. He let his arms fall loose by his sides again and met Steve’s eye.</p>
<p>“What exactly do you mean by that?”</p>
<p>“I mean I know about the deal Tony.” Steve fired back, not shifting his gaze either. “I know Osborn split the company and spread it across several shareholders, some of whom remain loyal to him. And I know you happen to only own about fifteen percent of what’s left of the company.”</p>
<p>Tony paled at that. All pretenses fell as the realization set in.</p>
<p>Steve knew. Which meant Shield knew.</p>
<p>“Steve-“</p>
<p>“They could break you any day now couldn’t they?” Steve hummed thoughtfully, not caring about the way Tony felt like he was being scraped hollow. “I figured, the money isn’t the only problem, it’s probably the jobs too. How many does the company hire? You once told me-“</p>
<p>“Steve please-“</p>
<p>“How’s Jenny at the reception? I wonder if Pepper knows-“</p>
<p>“Steve.” Tony begged, feeling his voice break and Steve froze instantly.</p>
<p>For just a fraction of a second, Tony noticed Steve’s gaze lock onto him instantly. Like an instinctive response, Steve looked suddenly more alert and like he was about to face something extreme.</p>
<p>It reminded Tony of a time where he had gotten hit in a fight. A claw had sunk itself into the side of the armour and Steve-</p>
<p>Steve had gone ballistic and destroyed everyone around them. Then he’d picked him up and carried him to the med team. It had been an eventful fight.</p>
<p>Tony wondered if Steve still remembered that. For all the brain deleting he’d done, Tony would never forget the look in Steve’s eyes back then. He’d never felt more important to anyone after that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Focus. Breathe. Keep going.</em>
</p>
<p>“How did you find out?” Tony said quietly, feeling like he’d just stumbled into a bear trap. He felt humiliated beyond belief but at least Steve wasn’t about to start mocking him again. Instead, Steve’s expression had gone pinched.</p>
<p>“I had Maria investigating. Then we found out you had been visiting various competitors. When we saw no change in market products or branding, we started to look into it a bit more.” Steve blew out a breath and looked away. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“No. I’m still angry. I’m sorry but this is how it’s gonna be now.”</p>
<p>He was pretty sure he could feel his heart break from that. This was their new norm. A careful balance between a fight and a treaty. A temporary truce.</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve could hold a grudge forever. You may never get over this-</em>
</p>
<p>Tony swallowed and pushed the thoughts away. “So what’s your proposal?”</p>
<p>“I...well here’s the thing.” Steve finally sighed and beckoned Tony closer. When Tony was within reach, Steve picked up a piece of paper from one of his infinite piles and handed it to him.</p>
<p>Tony frowned and took it, already having an idea, just from a glance.</p>
<p>Once he read it, he met Steve’s eyes. “These are weapon designs. For the Helicarrier.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“So why-“ Tony’s eyes widened and he checked the sheet again. “There aren’t any weapons on board?”</p>
<p>Steve didn’t answer instantly. Instead he seemed to be debating over what to say. Finally he decided.</p>
<p>“This is classified information but we were attacked just over a month ago. While in flight. It left a dent and since then, we haven’t been able to get the main weapons back online and at full throttle.” Steve sighed tiredly, reaching out for the piece of paper. Tony watched him stare at it like it had personally insulted him.</p>
<p>“So there’s no weapons at all?” Because that was the biggest concern. Hundreds of Shield agents would be at risk without a Defense system, anyone could see that.</p>
<p>“We have hand held weapons. Guns, laser-based and explosives. But right now that’s all we’ve got. And the Avengers team off course.”</p>
<p>Tony felt his lips curve up at their mention. “Are the team here?”</p>
<p>“Not currently.” Steve said grimly and Tony almost asked why, but decided to leave that to later. This was far more important and it wasn’t his place.</p>
<p>“So just to be clear, you have no main artillery? It’s all down?”</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “Yes. And it’s been this way for a month.”</p>
<p>An image began to form in his head. Surely Steve didn’t really think...</p>
<p>“So how does this have anything to do with me?”</p>
<p>Steve didn’t say a word. Instead, he raised a brow and looked at him.</p>
<p>“You want me to...what? Make the weapons? Make the schematics? Repair them?”</p>
<p>“Help my team complete the repairs.” Steve clarified, eyeing a particular phone on the table. “Shield’s R and D department is struggling. We need an extra set of hands and as much as I hate to say it, you’re our best chance.”</p>
<p>“So I’m the best you could come up with.” Tony squinted at the paper. “You’re not wrong, this could use some work.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded firmly. “You would be salaried for your time here. Ideally I’d have you staying on the Helicarrier full time until we have enough weapons to have a defense system in place. Once they’re done, we can discuss-“</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Steve looked at him in surprise. “No?”</p>
<p>“No. I can’t, sorry.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>For that, Tony resisted the urge to strangle Steve. Sometimes the idiot was so wrapped up in his own work that he missed the obvious.</p>
<p>“My company Steve. It’s kind of my main issue at the moment. I need to have something in place to deal with that first. And as it stands, I’m having no luck, instead of one offer-“</p>
<p>“I’ll double the offer.” Steve promised, resting his chin on joint hands over the desk in thought. “Whatever he or she is promising you, I can double it. At least.”</p>
<p>“Wow. Never thought I’d see the day.” Tony shook his head in awe.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“That Steve Rogers would become morally ambiguous. It’s not like you to use money for personal gain. Isn’t that something you’re against?”</p>
<p>Steve huffed but didn’t argue it. Instead he focused on the negotiation. “What is it you need?”</p>
<p>
  <em>A lot of things. Help mostly. Maybe a friend to talk to.</em>
</p>
<p>“It’s been a long year.” Tony said thinly instead, giving Steve a tight smile. “I don’t think you can do anything about that.”</p>
<p>“But your company is going to go.” Steve pointed out, aiming right for the best place to hit. “You need to keep it afloat. I’ve thought of that.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need your money!” Because that would’ve been a cruel joke in itself. Tony Stark asking Steve Rogers for money. Shield for money. That wouldn’t be great even if he was desperate.</p>
<p>“This isn’t about your ego. You need to keep things going for the sake of your employees. So what if I tailored my offer to that?”</p>
<p>He paused and considered it. It was tempting. But...</p>
<p>“There’s so much we’re not saying here Steve. I can’t just leave my work to work here! I have my own work too you know!” Tony pressed, knowing, just by the growing frown on Steve’s face, that he didn’t have a clue about the pressure he was under. He couldn’t, no wouldn’t walk out now.</p>
<p>Not to mention, Tony wasn’t exactly on good terms with Shield. Maria was just one example, and Steve was his own category.</p>
<p>“So let’s make a new draft. Would you consider working here full time?”</p>
<p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p>
<p>“Are you crazy!?”</p>
<p>“I’m just weighing this up best to help you. Think of your employees Tony.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? So how does me working here help them? I should be out there trying to look for my shares.”</p>
<p>Steve seemed to pause and Tony mentally pat himself on the back for ending the pointless discussion. Then-</p>
<p>“What if I told you that Shield can get a larger share in the company.” Steve said quietly like it was some inside knowledge. Tony wasn’t convinced though.</p>
<p>“You need to be more specific Steve.” He said blandly, rolling his eyes when Steve just nodded.</p>
<p>“What if we bought back the shares from your...unknown parties. The ones that are refusing to let you pull it back. Maybe i can change that.” Steve blew out a breath and looked up. “I have enough intel here I think to get the inside knowledge on them. And if not, I can find out.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t really know what to say to that. Except...</p>
<p>“Isn’t that illegal?”</p>
<p>“Probably. Is that a problem?”</p>
<p>Surprisingly, Tony didn’t think it was and it didn’t change the facts.</p>
<p>“No, I guess that’s a...Shield perk. But I can’t just accept something like that without a written agreement. And one where I can buy back my shares once I can afford it.”</p>
<p>“Shield won’t hold onto you shares forever Tony. But if I just give them over straight away once I have them...” Steve bit his lip and considered it. “How about I come up with a draft and you tweak it. If you agree then we can get you started on the work straight away. The sooner you start, the better.”</p>
<p>Tony still felt unsure about it all. “I don’t know if I’m even gonna take you up on this. Or if I should.”</p>
<p>“You will. But we need to come to an agreement. I’ll send one out to you as soon as I can.”</p>
<p>“Steve, I just don’t know if I should be here. There’s a lot we have behind us.”</p>
<p>“I know. But we can’t change that. We just have to work around it.” Steve eyed Tony carefully with something like sympathy a.</p>
<p>“But how can we work together when we barely get on anymore?”</p>
<p>“That...we’ll just have to be professional. It’s not like you’ll see me all the time, it’ll just be the R and D department mostly. And anyway, things have changed between us after all. I don’t see us going back.”</p>
<p>It was like being kicked in the stomach. Tony almost wished he hadn’t come, just so he could have avoided hearing that.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s fair. But what if I still don’t feel comfortable? I don’t think this is a good idea.”</p>
<p>Steve sighed and let his hands fall in his lap. For a moment, he just looked at Tony and didn’t say a word, until;</p>
<p>“You’re gonna go for it. Because it’ll help you. And I’m gonna say you should because you know me. You know I won’t go back on my word. I know how important your employees are to you.”</p>
<p>Tony blew out and breath and watched the pieces fall into place. There was no point. Steve was right.</p>
<p>“Send me a contract. I’ll look at it as soon as I get it.”</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took only a day for the contract to reach him, and Tony knew instantly that Steve had planned this for a while. It was well thought out, covered several deals, and was of mutual benefit for both of them. It was fair, just like Steve promised.</p><p>That still didn’t mean there weren’t problems though.</p><p>He had to live on the Helicarrier for however long it took to get the technology working again. There wasn’t a specific time frame in there. He had to take orders from the head of R and D which was also not ideal since he was better than all of them (not his fault). And not just that but he had to be prepared to follow the orders of the current commander. That meant Steve. Essentially this was a contract to work as a Shield agent.</p><p>So the question was whether he took it or not. If he did, his company would be okay, that much he knew. But living on the Helicarrier...</p><p>Steve wasn’t going to forgive him, that much was clear. He wasn’t an avenger so he wouldn’t see them. Wasn’t this relying too much on Shield agents being willing to tolerate him?</p><p>“Call Pepper. I need her input.”</p><p>“Yes sir.”</p><p>While he waited for her to pick up, he let the piece of paper fall and leaned back in his chair. His eyes felt sore and his feet hurt from standing all week. And that was definitely a headache coming on.</p><p>“Tony?”</p><p>“Pepper.” He closed his eyes and smiled. “How are you?”</p><p>“Fine, except for the fact that you just sent me a contract stating that you might need to live on the Helicarrier for six months!? Who does he think he is!?”</p><p>A smile spread across his lips. This was why he loved Pepper. “How do you figure six months?”</p><p>“It generally takes our Research department four months. I’m being generous.”</p><p>“Fair. But they’d have me. I’d speed things right up. Ask Mike.”</p><p>“Oh please. You really think it’s a good idea? They won’t treat you well Tony.”</p><p>Opening his eyes, he sat up straighter and glanced at his empty office. His eyes fell on the last decoration in the room. “But the company will be fine. We’ll have a fix for this mess. It’s an opportunity.”</p><p>“An opportunity for you to get hurt. I don’t want you going through the motions of trying to get close to Steve, only to be told there’s no hope.”</p><p>If only she knew. “I know Pep. There’s no fixing what happened. But maybe...”</p><p>The small picture of the Avengers stared back at him. He’d had it framed in a nice glass trim, and kept it on his desk as a souvenir. And maybe because it was one of the things he was most proud off in his life. In the picture, Ironman was leaning against Captain America, while the rest of the team was smiling alongside them. In this snapshot, their happiness and friendship was captured and immortalized.</p><p>“I’m taking this picture.” He blurted out and could hear Pepper’s frown.</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“I think I should do it. It’s only temporary and it’ll get us out of this mess.”</p><p>“I’m really not sure this is a good idea Tony.”</p><p>“So Robinson’s better? You realize those are our only options right now.”</p><p>Through the speakers, Tony heard Pepper sigh and put a pen down. “I guess you’re right. Not totally but-“</p><p>“It’s the best we’ve got.”</p><p>“Yeah. Be carefully Tony.”</p><p>“I will. I won’t even see Steve.”</p><p>And that was that.</p><hr/><p>He spent the week preparing for the move. It was shocking to believe he would just up and leave to go live on the Helicarrier but that was the way the cookie crumbled. It made little sense but Tony was sure it was the right option.</p><p>Well maybe not the right option but the best.</p><p>He’d sent the contract back with a few requests but they’d been denied. He wasn’t going to be head of the department and Steve was not going to back down from the Commander line.</p><p>Tony had signed anyway.</p><p>Today was the day he left. He would start work tomorrow, but for today it was just travelling and getting used to his quarters. At least he had a bit of time.</p><p>Just as he’d finished filling the suitcase, he heard a knock on his door.</p><p>“Come in.”</p><p>To his delight, Pepper opened the door and he was immensely grateful to see his only friend come to say goodbye. Rhodey wasn’t around but he’d left a message for him telling him what was going on. He didn’t expect Rhodey but was so thankful for Pepper.</p><p>“Pep.” He closed the suitcase with a soft click. “Thanks for coming.”</p><p>“Obviously I would. You need all the help you can get.” She said and Tony laughed when she glared at his suitcase in mild rage.</p><p>“It won’t be for too long. I’ll be quick, I promise.” Tony winked, picking up his phone and waving it. “I’m only a call away.”</p><p>Pepper pursed her lips but didn’t comment on that. “Are you taking your armour?”</p><p>“No. I don’t need to.” He smiled. That part of his life was over. It had been since Osborn.</p><p>“You should take it. You never know what could happen.” She put her hands on her hips and looked at him but Tony waved her concern away. It wasn’t needed.</p><p>“I’m not gonna be attacked Pepper. And even if I was, I’m on the most secure base in the US, surrounded by Avengers with Captain America leading the whole thing. I’m in good hands.”</p><p>He waited but Pepper said nothing. She didn’t even shift.</p><p>Feeling something begin to turn in his stomach, he paused and looked up at her. “Don’t you think?”</p><p>There was something dark in her eyes. Wounded and tired and scared.</p><p>“I don’t trust them with you Tony. I’ll be honest, you don’t have the best track record of looking after yourself and Steve is being so stubborn it’s unbelievable. But if something happens, who will look out for you? You’re alone there.”</p><p>“I won’t be alone.” He insisted, even though he could feel the shadows of doubt growing. His own fears multiplying. “I’ll have Shield and a team-“</p><p>“And whats the guarantee they’ll work with you? Hell, they might take one look at you and-“</p><p>“And what Pepper?” Tony glared. That was a bit harsh.</p><p>“You didn’t see yourself Tony.” She said in a low tone. “When Steve died, you were leading Shield but it was like you were completely on your own. I’ve already told you, you nearly-“</p><p>“Okay.” Tony said firmly, taking a deep shuddery breath. He could feel his heart rate doubling. “I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>“I’m just saying Tony, you’re not kind enough to yourself. And that’s hit you before. I’m just worried, I don’t want you to...spiral.” Pepper sounded close to tears and when Tony turned around, he felt his gut twist.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’ll be careful, I promise.”</p><p>“Just be safe, Tony. Take care of yourself first.” She sighed. Tony nodded even though she already seemed resigned.</p><p>“I’ll miss you.” He said quietly and held out his hands. “C’mon.”</p><p>When they hugged, Tony wondered if maybe this was a mistake after all. After all, he hadn’t expected his shirt to be that damp after.</p><hr/><p>This time he had a different set of escorts. This group of young women didn’t pay much attention to him but they didn’t seem too bothered by him either. He counted that as a win.</p><p>This time they took a sleek looking plane to the Helicarrier. Inside were private seats and tables and a very polite crew. On one of the tables, Tony noticed a black briefcase.</p><p>“It’s for you sir.” The young air-hostess behind him said. “The Commander has requested you put it on before arrival. There are several sizes in the back but he said to start with this.”</p><p>Tony tried not too think too hard about the fact that Steve knew his size.</p><p>“Oh, he wants me to dress up for him?” Tony laughed and was pleased when the air-hostess smiled beside him.</p><p>“Well, it was the commander’s request to I suppose he does, sir.”</p><p>“Well can’t argue with the boss now can I?”</p><p>With a soft laugh, the air-hostess left him to it and helped get the Shield escorts settled. It was weird to think he was actually going to be a Shield agent, but he’d make it work. Besides, he’d been Director before so how hard could it be? He didn’t have to make any calls, he just had to build. That, he could do.</p><p>Sliding into the seat, he pulled the black briefcase close and inspected it. There was a shield logo imprinted on the top but otherwise it was pretty box-standard. Flicking the latches up, he gripped the top and slowly pulled it open.</p><p>A smooth black zip-up uniform greeted him. It had the yellow Shield logo on the right hand side of the chest and white boots tucked underneath. There were white gloves to match and a set of black communicators all attached to a white belt that Tony assumed would go around his waist. It was strange to picture himself in it but that didn’t change a thing. Commander rule of course.</p><p>(<em>It had nothing to do with him wanting to know if Steve really knew his size. Absolutely nothing.</em>)</p><p>Nodding to himself, he shut the suitcase and took it to the bathroom at the back of the plane. Better to change now and see than leave it to once they landed.</p><p>The small square bathroom had only one mirror but it was well lit and there was a hook on the back of the door. Setting the case down, Tony took off his suit jacket and hung it up. Then he removed his tie, belt and shoes and put those aside too.</p><p>His reflection looked back at him curiously.</p><p>“Got any other ideas?” Tony said quietly and watched the reflection’s lips perk up.</p><p>He looked kind of...tired actually. A bit dulled and a little thinner than he remembered but nothing too concerning. Just something to watch he thought.</p><p>Slowly, he made his way through the buttons of his white shirt. Once he pulled it off, the pants went next and finally, he pulled out the Shield uniform and began to tug it on.</p><p>It was a body suit with a zip at the front essentially. Once he had his arms through, he stopped and glanced at himself. That didn’t look bad actually.</p><p>Zipping the suit up to his chest, he reached for the white belt and clipped it around, feeling a snug fit. Then he grabbed the white boots and gloves and slipped those on too. Once he’d zipped it up fully, he turned.</p><p>It fit him perfectly and he actually looked pretty good. It was almost like it was made for him. His chest looked broader and the faint outline of his six pack was on show. It was very body-hugging but that was Shield uniform. He wouldn’t complain, especially since he had plenty to be proud of.</p><p>Once he put his old clothes back in the suitcase, he left the bathroom with a final nod, and sat down and waited for the flight to take off.</p><p>It wasn’t long before they were in the air and he could truly stop and relax. Soon enough, he drifted off to sleep, the travel finally getting to him.</p><hr/><p><br/>When they arrived he was greeted by Steve this time. Out on the landing strip, he was stood tall in his Commander uniform, with about ten men and women all standing in military rest behind him.</p><p>Tony jumped off the plane with his four escorts and did his best to smile.</p><p>
  <em>Show time.</em>
</p><p>“Steve!” Tony chirped, waving a hand as he went over. “It’s good to see you!”</p><p>“Stand down soldier.” Steve said firmly with a flinty gaze and Tony paused. “You better fall in line.”</p><p>Well that was odd. It wasn’t like Steve to-</p><p>“I said, stand in line. I won’t repeat myself, Stark.” Steve repeated, and from a glance, Tony could already see he looked annoyed. God knew why.</p><p>“What are you-“</p><p>“Stark!”</p><p>“Alright, alright.” Tony mumbled, feeling his cheeks start to flush with embarrassment. Behind Steve, he thought he saw a few of the agents whispering.</p><p>With cautious steps, Tony made his way to the line behind Steve, eyeing him as he walked past. Steve didn’t say a word but he did raise a brow. Tony scowled but joined the line.</p><p>Once he was part of the row, he realized with a start that his work here started now. The uniform was the first step and this show of control was Steve’s posturing. It was clear.</p><p>Tony was a worker. Steve was the employer-the boss. If Steve told him to jump, he’d be expected to ask how high.</p><p>Tony glanced at the men and women beside him who were staring forward with perfect poker faces and ram-rod backs. They were perfect military.</p><p>Within seconds he felt like the odd one out. He always struggled to follow orders but this was really gonna test that. Especially if he had to behave like these people. He was Tony Stark for crying out loud. Instead of agreeing to terrorists, he blew them up and escaped.</p><p>These weren’t terrorists though. These were Shield agents. And this was Steve.</p><p>Tony had no choice but to comply. In that sense, nothing had changed when it came to Steve.</p><p>“Stand tall.” Steve commanded loudly, now turning ever so slightly to look at the row with his hands folded behind his back. His expression was one of steel and though he addressed them all, Tony felt like Steve was directing it at him.</p><p>“Welcome, Stark. This is our research and development team. These are the brightest and wisest young men and women I have ever had the pleasure of working with. And they are going to be your new team.”</p><p>Steve said the words clearly and it was everything they’d agreed on but Tony couldn’t help but feel like something was off. Like he was missing something.</p><p>Steve’s expression was strained. The skin around his eyes was tight and his lips were curved down.</p><p>“You will eat, sleep and work with them everyday until the work is completed. Do you understand Stark?”</p><p>“Sure.” Tony said mildly, searching desperately for something in Steve’s eyes. Maybe some acknowledgment that he wasn’t just some agent but his near lifelong friend who-</p><p>“It’s ‘yes <em>sir</em>’!” Steve barked and if he was affected by Tony’s flinch, he didn’t show it .</p><p>“Yes...sir.” Tony parroted but it didn’t come out strong. He didn’t know what to feel.</p><p>It all felt...wrong.</p><p>“Good. Ben, can you show Stark around? Show him the main quarters and labs. Don’t forget the cafeteria and showers.”</p><p>
  <em>Steve calls me Stark but calls that guy Ben?</em>
</p><p>But they weren’t friends and this was their new normal. He needed to stop forgetting that, because it wasn’t gonna change.</p><p>He really needed to work on that.</p><hr/><p><br/>Tony thought he was already familiar with the Helicarrier layout, but it turned out he had a huge amount to learn if this was going to be his new home away from home. He hadn’t even realised there were living areas.</p><p>He’d been shown the cafeteria which had been teaming with Shield agents and the like. He’d never seen a room that full since the day the Avengers had broken up years ago. It was unlike anything he’d been used to.</p><p>The showers had been next which, again were public for male agents and not exactly what Tony would call a good time. At least they were tiled and had sensors near the shower heads to reduce contact. There was enough sharing going on already in his opinion.</p><p>What he’d seen so far wasn’t bad. It was just...different. There was almost no privacy but there was also a strange sense of...togetherness. On one table in the cafeteria, he’d spotted a group of agents-two men and two women laughing over the splodge of food that looked like chicken. Another table had two women playing footsie while giggling at some other agents’ haircut. Outside the showers there were rows of towels next to some lockers.</p><p>It felt like it was lived in. People lived here. They ate and bathed and joked here, and behaved like a family. They probably squabbled and made up like one too.</p><p>Something dimmed in his heart. He missed the Avengers so much. He missed them enough that it felt like a physical ache. The days in the mansion had been the best he’d ever experienced and he’d always cherish them, even if he hadn’t admitted it to anyone.</p><p>Steve had been such a huge part of that. The team had often joked that they were the parents and it was true. The Avengers has been their baby. It had been everything and it hurt to finally let that go.</p><p>But maybe this could be his new start. Maybe he could find his place amongst these people. There were so many groups and maybe he could find companionship amongst these men and women. Something like what he’d had before, even if it was just an ounce of that.</p><p>It wouldn’t be the same, he knew. But it would be something. He could do this.</p><p>He took a deep breath and continued to follow Ben.</p><p>He could do this.</p><hr/><p>Ben was a lean young man with dark hair and an insecurity complex a mile long. With every turn of the corridor, he’d make some new point about the importance of his work in the labs, and how every member had to do their part and each and every one of them was incredibly intelligent and capable. The future, of course.</p><p>Tony didn’t care. As long as he had space to work in and a guarantee from Steve, he was fine.</p><p>“And here we have the main labs. Of course, we come up with only the best designs here, really you should consider yourself lucky you are going to be-“</p><p>“You do know who I am right?” Tony smiled, trying to stifle his laugh when Ben just went red with anger. The poor guy.</p><p>“Well, of course, but you need to understand that we have a way we work here-“</p><p>Tony held up his hand and stopped him. “And I’m totally in favor of that, I promise. But you need to lay off here. Give me some credit. Trust goes both ways.”</p><p>“You say that like you’ve done a lot Mr. Stark. But if that was the case you’d still be director.”</p><p>All thoughts slammed to a halt at that. For a moment, Tony was speechless.</p><p>“That’s a low blow, don’t you think?” Tony said quietly, but glared at Ben with eyes that burned with rage. He didn’t come here to be insulted and he didn’t need to take that kind of crap from anyone.</p><p>“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Ben backed off, pausing to fiddle with his glasses but Tony didn’t buy it for a second, especially when he saw how much Ben was smiling. “Didn’t mean to offend.”</p><p>“Well don’t. I can bite too you know and trust me, my bark is no where near as bad as my bite, agent.”</p><p>As quickly as the smile appeared it vanished from Ben’s face. Instead, he was now glaring at Tony with an equally angry expression.</p><p>“Whatever Stark. Don’t expect any of us to jump for you.” Ben snapped and walked faster.</p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Tony fired back, and silently followed the fuming agent through the rest of the labs.</p><p>The tour didn’t last much longer after that.</p><hr/><p><br/>After what felt like hours, they finally made it to the last area on the list. And, boy had <em>that</em> been a shock.</p><p>The research and development department had separate living quarters to other departments. This group of twenty had a large living area equipped with couches, a TV, pool table and a couple of chairs and tables.</p><p>The room was large and modern, but still similar to the rest of the Helicarrier in that there was a metallic theme to the floors and ceiling and pipes ran along the edges.</p><p>But that wasn’t the thing that shocked him. It was the sleeping area.</p><p>It was the very definition of military. It was borderline prison in Tony’s mind. A large room with rows of bunk beds and nothing else. Simple steel flooring and plain white sheets. There were pairs of lockers between each bunk bed for each inhabitant but other than that, there was nothing.</p><p>The only thing that made it different from prison was the large window at the end. It was transparent and revealed the orange hue of the evening sky. Probably a reminder of the outside world.</p><p>Tony felt his throat go dry. The weight of the bag he’d brought was just that much heavier. Was this what really where he was going to sleep? His armor couldn’t even fit between these bunk beds.</p><p>“Aww, what’s the matter Stark? Afraid the beds will be too small for your gigantic ego?” Ben reminded him like the pain in the ass he was. Tony seriously considered which one was worse; Doom or this jerk.</p><p>“Well you don’t need to worry.” Ben sneered and swept his hand out in front of them. “You’re in the back bunk right there at the far end where no one will disturb you.”</p><p>“I’ve got a whole bunk bed to myself?” Tony said dryly and did his best not to grit his teeth when Ben smirked.</p><p>“Obviously. Who’d wanna share a bed with a traitor like you?”</p><p>Tony should’ve expected it, but somehow out of everything he’d heard so far, that had been the worst blow. Steve probably thought the same. The team probably did too.</p><p>
  <em>So why did it hurt to hear that?</em>
</p><p>“Whatever. Just stay out of my way before this traitor teaches you a lesson you won’t forget.” Tony growled and felt his anger flare when Ben just laughed and turned on his heel, not bothering to look back as he reached the steel door.</p><p>“You aren’t special anymore Stark. Welcome to your new home. Time to wake up.” He called out and left, leaving Tony on his own in the huge room with nothing but the beds and the window.</p><p>Slowly he stepped towards the bunk bed at the very end and counted.</p><p>He’d been right. This was a prison. Just one with a pay grade.</p><p>Quietly, he swung his briefcase onto the lower bunk bed and clicked the locks open. As he began to pull his things out, he wondered if everyone thought the same.</p><p>Traitor. He’d been called a <em>traitor</em>.</p><p>Just then, he felt something hard and flat in his briefcase and pulled it out from under his various clothes and other things. It was the Avengers picture from back home. The one with him and Steve smiling.</p><p>The metal frame felt cool in his fingers and somehow that made him pull it close. He’d been happy once. He could be happy again.</p><p>Carefully he pushed the frame under the bed and continued to unpack, loading various bits and pieces into the lockers. At least he had a bit more space since none of the other agents would be sharing. That was fine, better even.</p><p>He could manage on his own if it came down to it. He always managed.</p><hr/><p><br/>Sometime between him organizing his things and sending a couple of messages to Pepper and Rhodey, the quarters had grown darker and quieter. The light outside was fading into a darker pink and a burning crimson and somehow the dim echo of footsteps had faded into the simple thrum of the Helicarrier engines. He was alone and there was probably no one out there.</p><p>Brushing his plain grey tee and dark blue sweatpants under his pillow, he tossed the steadily growing idea back and forth in his head. If the quarters were empty, it was a good time to explore.</p><p>Making the decision, he stepped out of the sleeping area and observed the main living area. As he’d thought, the room was completely empty, with chairs askew and nothing but the green emergency lighting on. With the hours ticking away, the sun was almost fully set, painting the room dark in the grim light. For some reason, Tony was reminded of his boarding school from back when he’d been a kid. His father had sent him away and he’d never really come back the same after. It hadn’t been a bad change but he’d come back different. He’d changed.</p><p>
  <em>Will I change here?</em>
</p><p>Pulling his gaze away from the endless sky, he turned and glanced around. Someone had left a couple of magazines on some of the tables. Not porn (though Tony would’ve laughed at the poor hiding spot), but just some generic gossip magazine on the latest celebrities and crushes. He was pretty sure he would have at least one mention in it. He always did.</p><p>Somehow the quiet room felt peaceful. Like for a moment he had a chance to just breathe. Him and Steve hadn’t spoken in months. Now suddenly they were talking again and he was going to live on the helicarrier where he’d have a bigger chance of seeing Steve than before. And not just that, he was going to live as a shield grunt working for shield.</p><p>It was never something he’d pictured. And yet, here he was.</p><p>He continued to look around, taking his time to get used to the surroundings. It wasn’t home but it would be soon. It would just take time.</p><p>“Did you see the look on his face!? I swear, priceless!”</p><p>“Yeah but who the hell wants to see him here? And did you see the commander? Like, holy shit-“</p><p>The voices got louder as they got closer. Tony’s heart sank as he realized what was going on.</p><p>“Oh yeah. He was so pissed-“</p><p>“You can’t blame him! I mean, we have to-“</p><p>The door hissed open as the scanner beeped to acknowledge the newcomers. A large group began to file in, similar to schools during recess. Ben and about five others were leading the pack, with the rest being scientists.</p><p>His new team. His new home.</p><p>He took a deep breath and smiled.</p><p>“Hey! Glad to see the crews all here! How is everyone?” Tony grinned and waved loosely, waiting patiently for what would hopefully be a good response. He was putting his best foot forward after all.</p><p>(He chose to ignore how his instincts were <em>screaming</em> at him to head back to his corner of the sleeping quarters and dive under the covers).</p><p>For a moment, no one spoke. They all just stared blankly at him. All except for Ben who was too busy shaking his head with pity.</p><p>The movement grated on Tony’s nerves ever so slightly. Not enough to act but...</p><p>“Yes, the crews all here. Made yourself comfortable yet, Stark?” Ben said lightly but for some reason, the two blond guys behind him snickered, and the agents at the back started to giggle. Strange since he hadn’t even done anything to make anyone laugh yet.</p><p>Obviously, he knew they would try and screw with him initially. He saw that coming.</p><p>“Yep. Made my bed and everything.” He said sharply, with a smile that could cut glass. He had to show a bit of grit at least, otherwise this wouldn’t stop.</p><p>“Good for you.” The blond on Ben’s right sneered and suddenly Tony was reminded of the time Clint had called him out for not being able to cook eggs. It hadn’t mattered but in those early days, before his secret identity had been discovered he’d had a strange reputation of being a rich man with no substance, which just wasn’t true.</p><p>
  <em>Or it is and you just don’t want hear it.</em>
</p><p>“So I was thinking...” Tony smiled and clapped his hands together. He had this; he just knew it.</p><p>“Let’s all have dinner here. It can be my treat. I can have some stuff brought up with just a few clicks and-“</p><p>“No thanks.”</p><p>Tony paused and tilted his head. Ben was glaring darkly at him, even if his friend was the one who’d spoken. The same blond that reminded him of Clint.</p><p>“You sure you don’t-“</p><p>“No, we don’t want your food. We’re not some charity case that you can just-“</p><p>“Sam, enough.” Ben said calmly and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder, as if to give him strength. “We’re not, you know that.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know but he-“</p><p>“He doesn’t understand. That’s fine, we don’t expect him to.”</p><p>As Tony watched the scene play out in front of him, he couldn’t help but wonder why he was suddenly the villain here. From the way Ben was supporting Sam and the men and women around them were whispering, it was pretty damn obvious that he was the problem here, and not just with Ben.</p><p>It wasn’t encouraging to say the least. But maybe it shouldn’t have been as unexpected. He didn’t know why he’d even expected anything else.</p><p>(Or hoped).</p><p>“It doesn’t need to be fancy.” Tony insisted before he could think, and instantly wanted to cringe at how pathetic that sounded. But at least they would be more likely to-</p><p>“We already ate.” Sam said and rolled his eyes like he was being forced to bear witness to Tony’s growing agitation.</p><p>What the hell was wrong with these people? Why were they so reluctant to even speak to him? Was he that bad according to these people?</p><p>“Oh, so you don’t want free seconds? Maybe desert or-“</p><p>“Do any of us look like we want sloppy seconds?” Some woman in the back muttered and suddenly he was the centre piece to a whole group of laughs. As if they’d been given permission, the gates opened, and with it, their harsh judgement.</p><p>They didn’t like him. Of course, they didn’t like him.</p><p>That was fine. He’d dealt with this before. Hell, it was his life now.</p><p>He felt his lips curve into a plastic smile. “Well maybe you’d be thankful anyone wanted you at all. Second is still better than none.” <em>Like you,</em> the final words went unsaid.</p><p>It didn’t go down well. The woman who’d said it just scoffed and gestured as if to say ‘look’ and the rest of the crowd tutted like a flock of crows. It was ridiculous and unbelievably petty and yet, he still felt unsurprised somehow. Maybe because it always ended up this way-it was always gonna happen sooner or later.</p><p>Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he gave it one final go, even though he already knew what the answer would be. “So I guess that’s a no on dinner?”</p><p>“Like we said, we already ate. Where did you think we’d gone?”</p><p>Looking back, Tony should’ve known then how things would pan out. But at that moment, all he felt was shame.</p><p>Karma was a bitch.</p><hr/><p><br/>It was late but Tony couldn’t sleep. The strange new place filled with a few snoring agents was enough to pull him away from resting. The gently hum of the Helicarrier didn’t help either, so he sat up and climbed out of his bunk bed, eyeing the small metal ladder with disdain. It felt about as unstable as it looked.</p><p>Carefully, he sidestepped the hanging limbs of the sleeping agents and did his best not to make a noise as he opened the door. Once he was through, he closed it with a soft click and let out a deep breath.</p><p>He was so tired and yet he could not sleep. <em>Joy of joys.</em></p><p>The earlier encounter with the science department didn’t sit well with him. Since that blatant rejection of his invite, he’d kept his distance, heading straight to his corner to tap away at one of his tablets, but he’d kept playing it back in his mind.</p><p>Ben ruled the roost. The others were obviously all just playing ball to Ben’s tunes, but that still didn’t make it easy for him. He’d have to convince Ben first that he wasn’t what Ben made him out to be. He was a futurist. He made mistakes. He was arrogant. But he wasn’t trying to make them feel any less than him.</p><p>Steve had once said Tony Stark was too difficult to approach. Once, back when he’d been Ironman and no one had known who he was, Steve had mentioned it to Ironman in passing.</p><p>“<em>He’s just…different, you know? It’s hard to get a read of him sometimes.”</em></p><p>Tony remembered what he’d thought then. That Steve was just being polite about the obvious. He didn’t fit in. He never had.</p><p>People didn’t like him. That was the point, and that was what he was dealing with here.</p><p>
  <em>God, my head hurts. Assholes.</em>
</p><p>As he lamented over the inevitable feeling of waking up tomorrow morning with a killer headache, he began to walk forward, not really paying attention to where he was going. When he reached the elevator at the end, he paused. Then he shrugged and pressed the button to the main area. Maybe a walk would help. Plus, it would be a good idea to know his surroundings better, especially since this was gonna be home for a while.</p><p>The elevator took him up to the main floor. The small screen beside the button also said training area, but Tony didn’t pay much attention to it. He just needed the walk.</p><p>So they didn’t like him. That wasn’t new. He’d had people hating him before, in fact, most people did and he didn’t blame them.</p><p>He wasn’t expecting them to bring up his time as Director though.</p><p>Did people discuss it? Was he that bad? Had he screwed up even more than hurting Steve? <em>Was that even possible!?</em></p><p>It was made so much worse by the fact that he didn’t remember. Sometimes he hated himself for doing it. But other times he pictured the team splintering because of his actions, and images of Steve on the steps of the court with his hands cuffed just seconds before the bullet was-</p><p>
  <em>Don’t.</em>
</p><p>His mind swirled with thoughts, and it wasn’t until the doors slip open to the training area, that he stopped.</p><p>Steve was staring right back at him with wide eyes.</p><p>“Steve.”</p><p>“Tony.” Steve blinked, looking like a deer in the headlights. Then his eyes narrowed and his voice went cool. “Stark. Why are you awake?”</p><p>“Tired but can’t sleep.” Tony sighed, not even bothering to point out Steve’s obvious slip up of his name. If only Steve would make up his mind. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“It’s the training floor. Sometimes I come up if I can’t sleep.” Steve eyed him with a tired look. “But you already know that.”</p><p>He nodded sympathetically. “Nightmares.”</p><p>“Nightmares.” Steve agreed and just stood there watching Tony for almost a full minute. He didn’t even seem to blink much.</p><p>“Uh Steve?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Maybe come in? Or leave, whichever you prefer.”</p><p>“Oh, right.” Steve frowned and shook his head a little before stepping in. For some reason Tony decided not to get out. Maybe he was morbidly curious or maybe he was just lonely. Who knew but he didn’t feel inclined to leave.</p><p>Steve chose their location (unknowingly of course) and the elevator started up again. The space between them as they stood beside each other seemed endless.</p><p>“So...” Steve said and Tony turned his head to stare at him tentatively. “How was your first day?”</p><p>How was your first day? Tony tried the thought on for size and found he couldn’t really answer. Or rather, he didn’t want to answer. But he was very curious about Steve though.</p><p>“You’re asking me how my day was?” Tony asked, just to be clear.</p><p>Steve blew out a breath and nodded, not turning his head to meet Tony’s eye but still choosing to reply. “Yes. How was it?”</p><p>“Well it was fine I guess.” No need to bring Ben up. Not when this was the first time in months Steve had made small talk with him. “How was your day?”</p><p>“Long.” Steve said smoothly and didn’t say anything else. Minutes passed much to Tony’s extreme disappointment but then-</p><p>“If you need anything, you come to me.”</p><p>Tony’s eyes widened but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“Don’t hesitate. If you need me, come find me. Okay?”</p><p>Then Steve turned his head and looked at him, making eye contact. For a moment, Tony was taken back to a time where they would stand side by side and Steve would clap his shoulder and lean forward until they were sharing the same space and-</p><p>Tony would dream about their lips meeting. Steve’s bright blue eyes growing wide with delight before slipping closed as their lips touched. Steve would wrap him in his arms and pull him close, and they would share a moment just for themselves before the world stole them again. But they’d always have it there, waiting in their minds and hearts.</p><p>Tony had dreamed of that once. Now that seemed like a pipe dream.</p><p>“Sure, Cap.” Tony said softly, feeling stunned that his eyes suddenly burn. It wasn’t tears; it was just fatigue. He was exhausted and frustrated. Steve had nothing to do with it.</p><p>Then, before Steve could correct him on the title, Tony pressed the exit button and left before he had to hear another word.</p><p>It was all lies anyway. They were damaged beyond repair. Steve was his boss now. Their previous relationship was gone.</p><p>That bridge with Steve was completely burnt. Just like everything else he was dealing with.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning brought several unpleasant surprises. Within his corner of solitude (as he’d dubbed it), he’d figured he wouldn’t be too disturbed since all the other agents in the team were on the other side of the room. But it had been the complete opposite.</p><p>He hadn’t slept well because of the nightmares and spending hours trying to decipher Steve’s intentions in the elevator. But he’d managed to reach some semi-lucid state where he’d been resting on the bed, at least trying to get some sleep. When the sun was just starting to rise at six-fifteen in the morning, he heard loud banging coming from the main quarters. Loud banging and howling laughter.</p><p>Rolling over towards the window, he groaned and yanked his pillow over his head. The banging was loud enough to beat the pattern in his head. It was almost like being in a frat house with a bunch of teenagers, which was rich coming from him since he’d had his fair share of fun.</p><p>But he was exhausted and somewhat nauseous from the travel previously and from last night. Even five more minutes would’ve helped.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he took the pillow away and sat up, blinking hazily towards the light coming from the window. Then he got up and began to gather his uniform from his locker and one of the towels he’d somehow remembered to bring. There was a laundry area he’d spotted somewhere that he needed to get used to using, and plenty of other things he’d need to sort out, but at least there were facilities. Tony was immensely grateful for the cafeteria that Fury had clearly blessed them with.</p><p>As he got ready and made his way to what seemed like the communal showers and toilets in these quarters (it dawned on him then that Ben hadn’t shown him everything), he realized he had no idea how this would work.</p><p>He needed to work with these people and get more comfortable being around them but that would never happen if what happened yesterday kept happening. He had to find some common ground or he’d never get anything done.</p><p>A wave of determination swept through him. He’d get this right. He <em>had</em> to.</p><p>After showering, shaving and brushing his teeth, he secured his gear and sauntered through the sleeping area and straight into the living quarters.<br/>
When he opened the door, he didn’t know whether to turn back round or scream. The entire group of scientists were hunched around the TV, and looked like they were watching some kind of action movie. They were laughing and shouting just as the sound of gunfire roared through the screen.</p><p>Gunfire. And a lot of screaming.</p><p>His palms grew sweaty as his eyes flicked to the screen. His smile stayed the same as he spoke.</p><p>“Hey, isn’t it a little early to be watching Mad Max?”</p><p>His voice barely carried amongst the chatter. No one turned and no one answered, something he tried not to feel stung by since usually he stood out in a crowd and was usually heard.<br/>
Ben, who was sat with Sam and the other blond in the middle, spotted him, but instead of saying anything, just turned to his friends and rolled his eyes. He didn’t turn back after that.</p><p>The gunfire grew louder. The room was full of sounds-it was so <em>noisy</em>, he could barely hear himself think.</p><p>
  <em>Records show that Mr. Stark was present at the time of the assassination. Some even speculate that he organised the gunshot-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Captain America will always be remembered-</em>
</p><p>“STOP!”</p><p>Everything stopped. For a moment there was complete silence as the whole room went quiet. Only the film could be heard and somehow even that had become quieter.</p><p>Tony heaved a sigh of relief. It was quiet.</p><p>No one moved. The group of twenty agents just stared at him like he was a complete stranger who’d managed to break in. The air felt thick with tension.</p><p>Eventually a young woman with blond hair and green eyes spoke up from the group. Her thin lips curved up, ever so slightly as she reached over and picked up the TV remote.</p><p>“Mr. Stark. What brings you here?” She asked in a sickly sweet tone, and looked at him like he was a specimen under the microscope. Her sharp gaze and pouting lips seemed predatory and he had to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine. Still, he didn’t let that stop him.</p><p>“What brings me here is the fact that its six in the morning and you guys are watching a film while some of us are trying to get some sleep. I had a long day yesterday so I’d really appreciate it if you could-“</p><p>“Oh, who’s trying to sleep?” She interrupted, widening her eyes and looking around at the rest of the group in mock horror. Tony noticed a smile starting to grow on Ben’s face as she did. “Have we forgotten someone?”</p><p>“We’re all here Trish. Don’t think anyone’s still asleep.” Ben supplied helpfully and suddenly it clicked.</p><p>With a deep breath, Tony stood tall and faced them head on.</p><p>“Look, I get it, you don’t like me. But I really do need to sleep, I didn’t even get-“</p><p>Trish seemed to frown as he spoke, and held up a hand to stop him.</p><p>“Sorry, are you seriously gonna tell us that your beauty sleep is more important than what we all want to do? You gotta be kidding me.”</p><p>Then, to Tony’s absolute <em>delight</em>, she tossed the remote into her other hand and pressed the plus button on the volume. Voices blasted through the speakers, loud enough that some of the agents next to the speakers actually jumped.</p><p>“Are you really gonna be like that?” Tony finally said, feeling his anger start to spill at the seams. He’d dealt with a lot of people like this before but-</p><p>Trish’s eyes turned sharp as ice and she stared at him like her looks could burn.</p><p>“You’re not some big shot anymore.” She said, tightening her grip on the remote like she wanted to break it. “You may act it, but you’re not an Avenger anymore. And you aren’t Ironman. You’re nothing. Time to own up to it.”</p><p>It took him a good moment to respond. Probably because he was too busy looking at Ben’s expression. The glee on his face was even more irritating than Trish.</p><p>He didn’t say a word. He simply turned around and left, trying not to let the sounds of laughter make him do something rash like pick up the suit he’d promised to give up.</p>
<hr/><p>Work started from seven, he learned. Every agent was expected to have had breakfast by then with lunch at twelve and dinner by six.</p><p>He hadn’t known about the set mealtimes. It was only when he turned up to the cafeteria and saw the janitors cleaning up, that he found out. And had missed breakfast.</p><p>So he skipped breakfast. No big deal. Made his day easier anyway.</p><p>The next half an hour was spent navigating his way to the labs. He’d learned the route but it took time to get there from the quarters and his little trip to the cafeteria had added to that. All for food he was never gonna get.</p><p>If he was annoyed before, he was in an awful mood now.</p><p>There were so many agents wandering through the halls. He dodged passed all of them, not bothering to apologise as he bumped them since they had all been making faces at him anyway. But just when he was a few feet away from the lifts, he bumped into someone, <em>hard</em>.</p><p>The movement jarred him and he nearly tripped. Only firm hands snatched him by his waist from behind.</p><p>“Easy soldier.” Steve said from behind and Tony froze.</p><p>
  <em>What were the chances?</em>
</p><p>“Nice catch.” Tony said quietly and felt his breathing shake when the hands around him squeezed and then let go. Steve let out a slow breath and stepped back, allowing him to turn around and face him.</p><p>Steve was in full gear again-that perfect cut blue stealth suit that shaped him like an adonis. Then again Steve had never been anything less without the uniform.</p><p>Tony noticed he was frowning though. And looking at the watch on his-</p><p>
  <em>Oh no.</em>
</p><p>“You’re late.” Steve said flatly, and flicked his gaze up at him in question. “You know you’re supposed to start at seven.”</p><p>
  <em>No, actually, I didn’t.</em>
</p><p>“Sure.” Tony laughed bitterly, letting his anger seep into his words slightly. “I just fancied a lie in. You know me, always thinking for myself.”</p><p>Because wasn’t it just his luck that on the first day so much was already going wrong? Steve <em>hated</em> people being late. He’d always hated it when the team had run late and he was always early himself. Tony couldn’t say he was the best at time-keeping, especially with labwork and spending time on the armour, but he always tried to be punctual, if just for Steve’s sake.</p><p>Now it was different, of course.</p><p>Steve was staring at him with a frown. He wasn’t saying anything, but his eyes darted over Tony’s face rapidly.</p><p>“You didn’t sleep last night.” Steve said, and instantly looked like he regretted saying anything. His expression went pinched and he folded his arms like he was trying not to let it slip that he seemed to care.</p><p>Tony almost wanted to comfort him and reassure him that he knew. Steve didn’t care about him anymore. That wasn’t the relationship they had now.</p><p>“Yeah, well. New place and all.” He shrugged and began to shoulder past Steve, who didn’t stop him but did look like he wanted to say more.</p><p>Tony didn’t let him. He carried on to the labs and tried not to walk into any other agents, just in case.</p>
<hr/><p>When Tony finally arrived, he was greeted by a young man with brown hair and brown eyes who wore a white labcoat that had a badge with the name Tyler on it. He hadn’t stood out to Tony at any of the times that he’d spoken to the group, but after Ben and Sam and Trish, Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to meet anyone else.</p><p>By the looks of things he’d been waiting by the door patiently with a quiet smile and a relaxed expression on his face while the rest of the agents had already started working in their designated sections of the lab. Tyler didn’t comment on Tony’s lateness but he did raise an eyebrow when he saw how frazzled he looked.</p><p>After a brief inspection, Tyler cleared his throat and spoke. “So I’m Tyler, but you can call me Ty. This is the main research and development lab, which I’m sure Ben showed you already. I’m just gonna help you get settled in and let you know what your tasks are.”</p><p>It was hard not to scoff, but somehow Tony managed to keep the tight smile on his face. “Yeah, have you seen me and Ben? We get on like the Hulk with an ATM.”</p><p>Tyler laughed at that and shook his head lightly, casting a glance at the busy lab.</p><p>“That’s Ben alright. He’s a bit rough around the edges but you’ll get used to him. Just follow what I tell you, and you’ll be fine.”</p><p>Tony paused and flicked his eyes at the benches where some of the agents were organising sheets of metal. “I thought Ben ran the place.”</p><p>“Oh no, that would be me. Ben’s the main spokesperson for the team, but I’m the actual head of the department. I assign everyone with the tasks here.” Tyler smiled, and Tony felt his shoulders loosen. He couldn’t believe his luck honestly. He’d thought Ben would run the place for sure.</p><p>“Follow me Stark.”</p><p>Together they made their way through the extensive lab, and Tony found himself trying not to grin too hard when he saw what he had to work with. While the living quarters felt foreign, this felt like home. He recognised some of the designs some of the agents were working on as old replicas of Stark technology, and tried not to run over and correct an agent who was happening to change one of the designs. Still it was a little like candy land. This was what he’d come here for, and this was what he could still do.</p><p>Ironman was gone, but he was still Tony Stark.</p><p>“So as you can see, we have a number of projects we’re working on, but the main designs are currently focused on improving the weapons on the Helicarrier. To put it simply, it’s a weakness we can’t afford, and so the commander has tasked us with coming up with more efficient machinery, without the loss of power.”</p><p>“Well that’s definitely something I can help with.” Tony winked. “It’s been a while since I’ve come up with designs from scratch.”</p><p>“Ah, see Stark, we have the designs in place, so we just need you to do some fine tuning for us. Simple and easy.”</p><p>“Even better.” Tony said with a smile and felt lighter than he had in months at the prospect of actually doing what he was good at. He was known for this before Ironman and the Avengers. He could help these men and women make a difference. “I’m happy to help. You just put me where you need me.”</p><p>With a smile, Tyler clapped a hand on his shoulder and nodded. “Excellent. That’s the spirit Stark.”</p><p>Tyler led him to his own small square lab area in the far end of the room. It was the same as everyone else’s-it had two small lab tables that came together to corner off the area, and was backed by a wall of draws and glass cabinet that haled all sorts of equipment under lock and key. There were also some blank holo screens and tablets that he itched to turn on, and what looked like a fabricator. He couldn’t wait to start.</p><p>“So this is where you’ll work. Any problems then just give me a shout. I work in the main lab with a couple of others just through that door.” He explained, pointing out a glass door that Tony could see led to a huge lab, much like the one he had back home. “That’s where the head of research works. Who knows, if you’re good, I might let you in.”</p><p>Tony found himself smiling. He actually liked Tyler. He wasn’t a complete asshole like Ben or Trish and actually treated him pretty decently. Small mercies that he was the boss.</p><p>“Okay, where do I sign up?”</p><p>“I have some assignments on the tablet there for you. Just give them a read and work your way through. When you’re done, come find me.”</p><p>It was easy enough to set himself up. Once Tyler left him, he familiarsied himself with what tool were in the cabinets and made a mental note of all the big machinery that was lining the walls of the room. The square lab cubicles were lining the centre of the room, so everyone could access all the machinery but work on their own things. It was perfect for what he needed.</p><p>Heart soaring, he switched on the slick black tablet and allowed it to power on. Once he was in, he went into the folders and tapped on the file that said ‘assignments. There he found a list of documents that seemed to link to various blueprints.</p><p>So he’d been tasked with working out the maths and calculations for these designs. There were about ten or so on there and he just had to complete the blueprint calculations. Easy.</p><p><br/>
He couldn’t wait to get started on building them when he was done.</p>
<hr/><p>The day flew by after that. He worked diligently on the calculations, ensuring every single one was right. He must’ve worked at triple speed because when he looked up at the clock, he’d realised he’d worked for hours. It was just past five in the evening. He’d missed lunch but it had been worth it.</p><p>“Ah, that’s brilliant Stark! Absolutely brilliant, but then again, I never expected anything different!” Tyler cheered and beamed with pride as he flicked through the blueprints. His eyes were lit with pleasant surprise.</p><p>Tony couldn’t stop smiling. The morning had started out so poorly and yet now things were looking up. And things were just gonna get better.</p><p>“Thanks Ty. So should I start with the first one or just pick one and go from there? I guess it doesn’t matter but that fourth design by Ryan looks pretty-“</p><p>“Oh, why yes, of course Stark! We do need to get on that, but don’t worry about that yet. If you could just complete the next lot I’ve sent, that’d be great.”</p><p>That was…okay that hadn’t been quite what he’d expected. He’d figured that…</p><p>It didn’t matter. He just needed to carry on.</p><p>“Sure! I’ll get on them right away. No problem.” Tony smiled, feeling something brewing in the back of his mind. He hoped it wouldn’t be the case but…</p><p>Well, he’d find out soon either way.</p>
<hr/><p>Dinner was a well needed break. After he’d realised he was in desperate need of food, he’d headed straight to the cafeteria, and mentally prayed there’d be food there. He didn’t think he’d manage the night if he didn’t eat soon. Goddamn Steve had gotten him into good eating habits when they’d lived together and now, he was back to remembering them. He didn’t know if he followed that during the SHRA and Norman Osborn’s reign, since him and Steve hadn’t been talking then, but if his weight loss was any indication, he’d say he threw all good habits out the window.</p><p>From what Pepper told him about that time, he was lucky to still be alive.</p><p>Thankfully when he arrived at the cafeteria, there was plenty of food. Majority of the tables were filled with Shield agents and once Tony collected his food (simple roast chicken with vegetables and potatoes), he struggled to find somewhere to sit.</p><p>Just as he was about to leave to go somewhere else, he spotted Ben, Trish and Sam sitting on a table and chatting, along with two other women in the group.</p><p>It was a bad idea. He knew he was asking for trouble but what other choice did he have?</p><p>
  <em>I wish Steve and the others were here.</em>
</p><p>He had to move on. This was just one of the many things he had to deal with as part of that.</p><p>Sucking in a deep breath, he steeled his nerves and walked towards them. This was his team now. He had to make it work.</p><p><em>I sound like a broken record. This isn’t gonna work</em>.</p><p>“Hey.” Tony greeted them warmly as he approached, choosing to carefully ignore their eyes turning towards him with distaste. “Mind if I join you?”</p><p>Trish rolled her eyes and looked away while Ben and Sam just looked at him blankly, like he was some thief who’d come to take their food away. The two women just kept their heads down, sneaking glances at Ben and Trish.</p><p>Finally, one of the women spoke, though she barely looked at him as she did. “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Shocked and surprisingly relieved, Tony sat down quickly beside Sam and tried not to feel too disappointed by how much Trish and Ben glared at the poor girl as a result.</p><p>“So we haven’t exactly gotten off on the right foot. How about we start over?” Tony tried, and gave a tentative smile when the woman who’d invited him to sit, looked up hesitantly. Just as she began to smile back though, Trish scowled and stabbed a fork in Tony’s direction.</p><p>“See, this is the problem with you superhero types. You think you have rights to everything and that includes everyone.”</p><p>“Well that’s a little harsh don’t you think?” Tony said lightly but frowned a little, feeling stumped. “And I seem to recall that I was the one who actually sided with heroes having accountability.”</p><p>“Yeah and you also killed Captain America.” Sam mumbled under his breath and that, well that just-</p><p>
  <em>Oh. Of course.</em>
</p><p>Tony felt his lips break out into a shaky smile. Of course. It made perfect sense.</p><p>His heart ached. His mouth went dry and his eyes turned unseeing. Suddenly he was taken back to that moment where he’d learned about what had happened to Steve. And who he’d blamed for it.</p><p>Some things were hard to accept. But that didn’t make them any less true.</p><p>“I’m done.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>“See you around Stark.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Tony whispered as he watched them all gather their plates quickly and leave without sparing him a glance. “I’d hate me too.”</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to everyone who's commenting so far! I really REALLY appreciate it!! PLEASE DON'T STOP!! :DDD</p><p>Please also check out Lu and Juni's absolutely GORGEOUS ART!! It is honestly just wonderful, they are so awesome!</p><p>If you wanna save the art for when you get to those points in the story, use this link to see Lu's art of Tony in the uniform! YOU WILL LOVE IT!<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825097/chapters/68122006#workskin</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had turned out he was right. The feeling he’d had before had been completely spot on.</p><p>Or maybe he’d just known it from the start. The realization at dinner had only really confirmed that.</p><p>“So just to be clear, you won’t be giving me anything to actually fabricate?” Tony asked dully, feeling like he was just better off not even bothering. Why fight the inevitable?</p><p>Tyler tutted and shook his head. “It’s not to say that you won’t be given anything to fabricate. It’s just that we currently have the best minds working on these designs and you have talents that can be put elsewhere.”</p><p>The worst thing was that Tyler sounded so reasonable. Like Tony was the one who didn’t understand why this was for the best. And why this was good for him.</p><p>
  <em>"You're so goddamn stubborn! Why can't you see why the SHRA was a mistake!? You still won't admit it, even now!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I did what needed to be done! It was for our own good!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How can you say that when you don't even remember?"</em>
</p><p>If Tony had known, he wouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. “What talents are those?”</p><p>“Oh, Tony. Look, I know you’re upset.” Tyler dodged, and Tony tried not to feel too surprised when Tyler chose not to talk about his talents. “I tell you what, if you get enough of these done, I’ll have a word with Ben about splitting some of the assignments. How does that sound?”</p><p>
  <em>How come the Hulk always won against the ATM whereas I keep losing? Unless I’m the ATM.</em>
</p><p>“Sure Ty. Whatever you say.”</p><p>
  <em>So much for the lab feeling like home.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Something had shifted after that dinner. Tony didn’t know what it was but he was struggling to motivate himself all of a sudden.</p><p>It had been a few days on the Helicarrier now, almost a full week. And things had just gotten worse.</p><p>True to his word, Tyler had discussed the possibility of sharing assignments with Ben. Ben had answered by storming over to his lab space and demanding Tony fix the many mistakes he’d clearly made on the blueprints. It took Tony half a minute to realize the blueprints had been tampered with. So that was that and he was back to square one.</p><p>Mealtimes had been…well this week they hadn’t been great. He’d attempted to join the team for breakfast, but found they varied their breakfast times each day (or maybe they all just had such hive mind, they all got up in perfect synchronization. It fit perfectly with his theory that they were all wasps). He’d tried to join at lunchtimes at the start of the week, and quickly found they had no space for him at the table anymore (that woman who’d allowed him before had disappeared), and it was the same for dinners. So he’d done the sensible thing.</p><p>He only had dinners and lunches late. Always at the very end of the hour so that not many would see him come and go. He didn’t mind so much if the food was colder, or there was less. It was still better than being subject to scrutiny.</p><p>He would’ve gone to breakfast too but his sleeping wasn’t really going so well either. He was struggling to sleep a lot and didn’t always wake up in the morning. Currently he was averaging about two and a half hours a night.</p><p>It wasn’t ideal, he knew. But it was all he could do.</p><p>More than anything, he just felt this growing feeling of…not isolation but…</p><p>Separation. <em>Detachment</em>. And at night, he felt like he was dissociating. He couldn’t stop dreaming about Steve and the team and what he read about the SHRA and the broadcast he’d watched of Norman beating him to a pulp before his coma. His thoughts felt somewhat disjointed and fragmented and sometimes he wondered if this was what he’d been like before.</p><p>Or maybe he was just missing home.</p><p>The one highlight in his day was the walk to the labs in the morning. Because he had to cross a certain corridor to get there, he crossed Steve almost every morning. Sometimes Steve would be on the phone, talking rapidly to someone about some political issue, and sometimes he’d just be walking past.</p><p>Tony always smiled and said hello. Steve only ever said <em>‘Stark’</em>, but it was acknowledgment at least.</p><p>He’d take what he could get.</p><p>“Stark, can you please deliver these to the commanders office?” Tyler beamed when Tony looked up from his tablet, rubbing his eyes to stop them from shutting against his will. How Ty had managed to approach his desk without him knowing, he’d never guess.</p><p>“Sure Ty.” He sighed and stood up and took the pile of folders from him carefully. Then he stopped and felt his eyes widen.</p><p>“Did you say the commander’s office?”</p><p>“Yes, thank you! Do it quick!”</p><p>
  <em>Oh please, no.</em>
</p><p>He just didn’t have the energy to talk to Steve right now. He was fine on any other day but he was tired and agitated and didn’t really want to see the man who hated him the most out of everyone. Corridor clashing was one thing but this was too much.</p><p>Ben had amended all of his work today, as always. He was already behind.</p><p>Biting his tongue, he tightened his grip on the folders and made his way over as discretely as he could. Ten minutes later, he found himself frozen in front of the door.</p><p>Suddenly he had a distinct feeling of déjà vu. He’d been here before, standing before the doors like a man about to meet his fate. Only he didn’t believe in fate and Steve had probably had something to do with him feeling so uncertain. In his memories, had he hesitated that much to speak to Steve?</p><p>Only at the beginning. And only because he hadn’t known Steve.</p><p>Now it was the opposite issue. He knew Steve too well, so well that he would do anything to spend time with him, which was exactly why he couldn’t. This wasn’t some reward for good behavior, and it wasn’t some second chance. He’d run out of those.</p><p>No, he was here to work. And Steve just happened to be the one in the driving seat.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he knocked once, and watched it hiss open. Of course, Steve was sat on his desk, just as expected.</p><p>Steve didn’t look up initially. He seemed wrapped up in typing something into a tablet.</p><p>“Bring it over.” He ordered distractedly and Tony wondered if he’d get so lucky that Steve didn’t even realize the Shield grunt in his room was his ex-teammate slash traitor.</p><p>Unfortunately, as soon as Tony placed the folders down, Steve paused and looked straight up at him, about to say something. Only, as soon as he saw Tony he closed his mouth and frowned.</p><p>“T-Stark. What are you doing here?” Steve asked even though Tony knew he’d seen the folders. Still, he somehow looked shocked to see him.</p><p>“Just-ah. Delivery from the research labs. Just doing a round trip.” Tony said quietly, and didn’t really respond when Steve gaped a little at him, then clamped his mouth shut and stared. Tony chose not to say a word, and simply placed the pile on the desk carefully with a soft grunt. When he stood tall, his heart suddenly raced and he grabbed at the strap just across his chest desperately. He grimaced when he started to feel sweat. A wave of cold and hot washed over him, leaving him shaky.</p><p>He wished he slept better at night. It would definitely help.</p><p>“I need to go.” Tony murmured and began to drag himself out of the room, if only to just have a moment alone. Being around Steve like this was not reassuring to say the least.</p><p>The sound of the chair screeching behind him made him stop, and he wasn't surprised when Steve called him back.</p><p>"Stark, wait." Steve ordered, and Tony turned to see him standing over the desk with narrow eyes.</p><p>"Sit. I need to speak to you." </p><p>"I don't think that's-"</p><p>"<em>Sit.</em>"</p><p>Limbs stiff as he walked, he settled in front of Steve and sat down gingerly, taking a deep breath as Steve did the same. Similar to the first time Tony had entered this room, Steve leaned forward and clasped his hands on the desk.</p><p>"Have you settled in yet?" Steve asked, and it took every ounce of self control to not roll his eyes at his question. </p><p>These things always came easy to Steve. He was the type of person who just clicked with people. Like a solid part in well oiled machinery, people took one look at him and loved Steve instantly. Maybe it was the Captain America title, or the looks or the unwavering determination to do the right thing but whatever it was, Steve was good and people loved him.</p><p>Tony wasn't like that. For starters, people took one look at him and decided what they thought within seconds and it had always been this way. And he didn't blame them, not one bit. After all, Steve was a hero and he was...</p><p>A<em> traitor.</em> Someone to be wary of. </p><p>
  <em>"Tony, there's something you need to know. About you and Steve..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The headlines...the SHRA, oh god..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It wasn't your fault Tony...It was never your fault, no matter what people say."</em>
</p><p>"It's going great." Tony said with a tight-lipped smile, and shrugged despite Steve's scrutinizing stare. "Just like old times."</p><p>Steve continued to stare at him for a moment. "You're not having any issues?"</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>Seemingly pleased, Steve nodded. For some reason, it irritated Tony, even though he couldn't expect Steve to know.</p><p>
  <em>He would've before. He should know.</em>
</p><p>It was unfair, he knew. Sometimes it was just hard to accept that Steve really had moved on so easily. While he was still stuck in the past, trying desperately to get close. Wasn't that what this was?</p><p>
  <em>You're pathetic Stark. </em>
</p><p>"That's good. Good to know." Steve continued, and Tony struggled to keep his smile intact. "I needed to go through a few things with you, do you have a minute?"</p><p>"Of course. Go for it."</p><p>"Well, firstly-“ Steve pulled open a draw under the desk and retrieved some forms. “Your contract hasn’t been fully signed. I need your signature.”</p><p>With a roll of his eyes, Tony nodded and accepted the papers, taking a moment to flick through them. </p><p>After a few minutes of silent reading where Steve had gone back to his own sheets, Tony stumbled upon something he <em>really</em> didn’t like.</p><p>”In the event of an attack or threat to the operating base, you may be instructed by higher authorization to engage in combat with use of fire-arms.” Tony read out loud and looked up. “I know what that means Steve. You can’t expect me to agree.”</p><p>”I can and I do. And it's <em>sir</em>.” Steve said coldly, and put down his pen, leaning forward. “I’m your commander and you’ll do as I say Stark. If we are attacked, I may need all hands on deck. Which means that while you’re here, you might need to-“</p><p>”That’s a solid no, Cap-sorry, <em>sir</em>. I won’t do it.”</p><p>”Stark.” Steve glared at him and spoke with a tone that gave no alternative. “You have no choice. It was part of the agreement.”</p><p>Tony grit his teeth and shook his head. "This wasn't the deal. You said I was an agent-"</p><p>"With enhanced combat capabilities. You're trained." Steve specified and spoke like he was rattling off facts. No ode to the fact that he had been the one to train Tony.</p><p>"Well I can't. I don't even have my armor."</p><p>Tony tried not to look too smug as he broke the news. That was until he saw the sheer fury in Steve's eyes. </p><p>"You don't have your armor?" Steve said in a dangerously calm voice. Like the calm before the storm-just like when he was about to tell the Avengers to strike.</p><p>Swallowing, Tony shook his head. Steve's expression tightened. His lips grew pinched.</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>The million dollar question. What he was hoping Steve wouldn't ask.</p><p>With a broad smile, he leaned back in the chair and spread out his arms. </p><p>"I think that's pretty obvious Steve. I mean, do I really need to say it?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>The smile faltered on his face at that. Was Steve trying to be cruel?</p><p>"Well, for starters, Ironman isn't exactly the best person to have on the team. And I'm not exactly someone people can trust." <em>Anymore.</em></p><p>"But that's not something to do with Ironman." Steve pointed out calmly and well, didn't that sting?</p><p>"Yeah but why take a chance?" Tony shrugged tiredly and folded his arms, dropping the smile. "I'm a liability."</p><p>Steve didn't say anything. He just stared at Tony like he'd said he was the Hulk's cousin.</p><p>Finally after the awkward stare, Tony shifted and Steve cleared his throat. </p><p>"I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that." Steve said stiffly, pushing his sheets aside. "And tell you that you have no choice. It's not an option."</p><p>Then, before Tony could say anything, Steve pressed a button under the desk and turned to the holo-screen that appeared in front of him. Agent Hill appeared on the screen.</p><p>"Commander?"</p><p>"I need a team ready in the next half hour. I'm going to do a retrieval."</p><p>"Is it that urgent?" Maria was surprised, and honestly, Tony was too.</p><p>"<em>Extremely</em>." Steve eyed Tony as he said it. "I'll patch through the coordinates. Have my gear ready?"</p><p>"<em>You're</em> going?" </p><p>"Yes Hill. Agent Stark seemed to think it was a good idea to <em>leave his armor behind.</em>" Tony rolled his eyes and looked away but not before catching Steve's glare. "So I'm going to go and bring it here. I'll be back within the hour."</p><p>"You can't be serious! I said I can't-"</p><p>"Whether you choose to use it or not is up to you. I can't force you. But at least one of your suits should be here in case something happens."</p><p>And while Tony struggled to open and close his mouth, Steve stood up and fixed him with a look that could kill.</p><p>"It'll be here in the office. Finish signing the papers, I'll be back soon."</p><p>"Steve-"</p><p>The door slammed shut before he got a chance.</p><hr/><p>True to his word, Steve notified him of his armor being available in the office. Tony's mind was still reeling from the realization that Steve had no issues with him using it. It was hard to believe Steve was willing to go all the way down to get the suit for him. If Tony didn't know any better, he'd say Steve <em>wanted</em> him to use it.</p><p>That was the only reason Tony could think of to explain why Steve had looked so close to strangling him earlier.</p><p>Tony didn't go back to the office when he got the notification, but decided to put the tablet down and use his lunch to take a quick break. His head was starting to spin from the constant staring at a bright screen-something that never got to him before, but now, with the sheer amount of screen-time, was becoming a daily problem for him.</p><p>So he put down the tablet, ignored the usual mumbling of the other agents as he walked past, and headed for the door.</p><p>Ben stopped him just before he reached.</p><p>"Going somewhere?" Ben asked and tilted his head at him with a curious look.</p><p>"Yeah. Lunch." Tony replied tiredly and raised a brow. "I've done everything Ty gave me for the morning so I'm just heading out for an early lunch."</p><p>
  <em>To stay the hell away from you. Asshole.</em>
</p><p>"Oh? But I seem to remember you had more tasks to do Stark." Ben smirked and held out a hand to the side where Sam came along and handed him Tony's tablet, looking equally smug. </p><p>Ben scrolled through the tablet and tutted loudly, making Tony want to punch him for being a complete dick. Tony clenched his fists and kept them still. It wouldn't do to start beating up the research department.</p><p>"Seems to me there's a problem. You missed the-" Ben paused and frowned. Then he stopped and looked at Tony like he'd just discovered something. </p><p>"The commander sent you a notification." Ben said quietly, and started to tap at the tablet, bringing it closer to read. "Says-"</p><p>"I know what it says!" Tony growled and snatched the tablet out of Ben's hands before he could start digging through any more of his notifications. He knew Steve was calling him back to the office. He also knew Ben was likely to make a big deal out of it. Something along the lines of-</p><p>"Oh, you think you're special Stark? You don't get brownie points for knowing the Commander, you're not any more important to him than the lowest of the low. You're a risk to everyone you meet and I know it, they know it and <em>he</em> knows it. I mean we all know Captain America's death was your-hey, where are you going?!"</p><p>Livid, Tony stormed past him, shoving through the door with a soft grunt. He heard Ben's swears and the chatter rising up behind him but he didn't turn back.</p><p>He was pretty sure he'd knock someone out if he did. Or completely break.</p><p>His heart pounded. His hands shook. He stopped in the middle of some random corridor and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily and digging his heels into his eyes until they felt raw. Slowly he slid down the wall and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.</p><p>There was no one around. For once, he'd gotten lucky.</p><p>He didn't know why he'd gotten so angry. It wasn't like Ben usually got to him, but that had hit harder. The thought of Steve being so quick to cast him aside while he-</p><p>While he got what he deserved. While he stayed hidden and never got close to Steve or the team ever again. This was his justice and Steve was delivering it.</p><p>
  <em>You're not any more important to him than the lowest of the low.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You're a risk to everyone you meet and I know it, they know it and he knows it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We all know Captain America's death was your-</em>
</p><p>Fault. That was it. Simple and true. He had been the cause, he knew, even if he didn't remember. </p><p>What could he do?</p><p>"Tony? Is that you?"</p><p>Tony's eyes flew open and instantly he ducked his head to try and hide his face. Maybe if he was lucky, they wouldn't-</p><p>"Oh my god, Tony, are you okay? What on earth are you doing here?"</p><p>Giving up, he sighed and looked up to see none other than Carol. It shouldn't have surprised him but still, he was mildly stunned to see her.</p><p>She looked great. Her blond hair was on the long side and her uniform was well maintained. She looked just as radiant and powerful as always. </p><p>As all of them did. As Tony once had. </p><p>
  <em>Or maybe you never were. Maybe you were always the extra-a thorn in their side, or the extra piece no one asked for.</em>
</p><p>"Hey Carol." Tony said softly and let his knees fall so that his legs stretched out in front of him. It was too late though, she'd already seen him before. "Long time no see."</p><p>"Tony, you-" She pursed her lips and looked around briefly. Then she fixed her gaze on him and knelt down beside him. To his complete and utter shock, she reached her arms around and pulled him in for a hug. </p><p>His body froze and his hands stayed limp by his side. He wasn't sure quite how to respond. Or <em>breathe.</em></p><p>No one had touched him in so long. He hadn't felt this in a long time.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're alright." She said quietly and squeezed him tighter before letting go to face him. "Pepper told us what happened. We were all so worried."</p><p>"Who's we?" Tony asked and instantly wished he hadn't. Carol had a wounded look in her eyes.</p><p>"The <em>team,</em> Tony. With everything that's happened...it can't have been easy for you. We tried to get in contact, but Pepper said you've been travelling a lot." She sighed and looked him up and down carefully. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You've lost weight. And you look exhausted, when was the last time you slept?"</p><p>He shrugged and chose to focus on keeping his hands still. They were shaking in his lap.</p><p>"Tony...what on earth are you doing here?"</p><p>For the first time in a long time, Tony didn't really have an answer. Had he thought he'd see Steve more? Had he done it because he'd held out hope? Or was it all just because he'd felt so detached that he'd thought he'd find a new way forward by working under Steve?</p><p>None of those things had happened. Not even fulfilling the contract he'd signed. He felt more isolated than ever.</p><p>"I don't know." Tony whispered and couldn't help the way his voice shook. Like he was balancing on a wire and sooner or later he'd fall.</p><p>It was only a matter of time really. Maybe Pepper had been right. </p><p>"Have you spoken to Steve?" Carol urged, putting her hand on his shoulder like she could see how close he was to breaking. "Should I call him?"</p><p>
  <em>We all know Captain America's death was your fault.</em>
</p><p><em>"</em>No. I'm okay." He promised, feeling sick to his core. Liar. He was a liar.</p><p>No. A murderer. A <em>traitor.</em></p><p>"Please Carol, just-" He took a shaky breath and to his horror, tears began to build up in his eyes. "Just leave me alone. I'm fine, I promise."</p><p>He felt Carol's eyes on him but didn't dare look. He didn't <em>dare</em>. He didn't deserve her sympathy, or worse, her pity.</p><p>A few minutes passed. The tears had started to fall down his cheeks silently but he didn't move or say anything, knowing it was too late. Carol was watching him and he couldn't bring himself to really do much else. He prayed for the silence to suffocate him and put an end to his misery. He prayed for a world where he hadn't ruined the best thing he'd ever had. </p><p>When he finally mustered up the courage to meet Carol's eyes, he felt drained and apathetic. It didn't matter what he wanted. This was his life. He was an outcast.</p><p>Carol was looking at him with such a sad gaze. Her eyes looked pained and something about her expression seemed resigned. Like she knew.</p><p>"Oh Tony." She said softly, ever so softly and looked away as if she was struggling to watch. "You should talk to him. We all know how you feel about him. And he does feel that way about you too, he's just being stubborn."</p><p>"You don't know what I feel." Tony chuckled softly, rubbing at his eyes again. They ached by this point but he was slowly getting used to it. Much like everything else. "And he already told me there's no going back."</p><p>He hated that his voice trembled as he said it. And he hated that Carol noticed too.</p><p>"Why are you really here Tony?" Carol asked with a pinched expression. "Did he ask you to come here? There's no way Steve would call you here when he knows how everyone feels about-"</p><p>She cut herself off and looked away guiltily. Tony didn't mind though, it wasn't her fault and she wasn't wrong.</p><p>"I know. I know how they all feel about me. I guess this is his way of setting me straight." He said, feeling empty. Anyone could take a shot at him right now, he wouldn't care. Anything was better than feeling like this.</p><p>"No." She said sharply, looking irritated. "There's no way he'd do that to you." </p><p>"He asked me to work for Shield." He explained and glanced down at his uniform. It looked a little loose on him now, but maybe that was his imagination. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I'm part of the team and we train here but you already know that. Don't change the subject." She said firmly but dropped her volume, looking desperate. "He misses you, you know. Have you talked to him about the SHRA? Have you both sat down and actually-"</p><p>"Leave it Carol. Don't bother." He said and suddenly pushed onto his feet and straightened himself up, schooling his expression.</p><p>He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't afford to.</p><p>"Tony-"</p><p>"It's agent Stark." He said numbly and turned away, even as he saw the fear in her eyes. "Don't hesitate to ask my boss if you need any upgrades, Captain Marvel. The research team is happy to help."</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days started to blend together. He didn't see Carol or any other Avenger after that day. Nor did he hear from her or Steve again.</p><p>Today was the same as every other day. Tony got up. Waited for Ben and Tyler to say something to him-today it was something about his shit coding and that apparently, he needed to rewire the missiles again. For the third time this week.</p><p>Tony was sure they were just screwing with him by this point.</p><p>Today he also had a report to deliver to Steve. Not directly of course, since he didn’t want to face him after his encounter with Carol (No doubt they would've spoken), but he’d get his sheet over to Maria and beg her to take it up. He couldn’t handle facing Steve right now, he was so tired.</p><p>Gathering up his sheets from his station, he stood up and left the lab. Thankfully the others didn’t stop him, even if they did make a comment or two about how the commander was pissed at him. They were probably right-word traveled fast.</p><p>“Hey Stark, have fun up there. I’m sure he’s just <em>dying</em> to see you.” Ben laughed and Tony grit his teeth to bite back a scathing remark.</p><p>
  <em>Deep breaths. He’s an absolute asshole. Where does Steve even find these people?</em>
</p><p>Steeling his nerves, Tony left the labs and headed up to the main deck. But as soon as he entered, he knew he’d be going up himself. Maria was no where to be found.</p><p>Still hopeful, Tony stopped the nearest agent. “Excuse me, have you seen Hill?”</p><p>“Find her yourself Stark. I’m busy.” The woman replied and stormed off before Tony could say another word.</p><p>Silently, he trudged back towards the lift, staring blankly at the wall as he did.</p><p>He was so fed up. Everyday was just a series of insults being thrown in his face. From the moment he woke up, to the moment he fell asleep, there was something.</p><p>He missed home. It was horrible but he was starting to think that there was no point anymore.</p><p>
  <em>What do I do?</em>
</p><p>It was ironic but at times like this, Tony would generally ask Steve. At least in the past, they’d stop and talk because Steve would notice something was wrong and pull him aside. But that was because Steve cared about him, of course, and Tony could hardly say the same now.</p><p>“If you need anything, you come to me.”</p><p><em>Well, here I am,</em> Tony thought bleakly, waiting for the lift to let him escape. Maybe one day they’d all look back at this and smile.</p><p>Tony wasn’t so sure.</p><p>With wavering thoughts and a tired heart, Tony stepped through and knocked lightly on Steve’s private door.</p><p>He paused and strained his ears. That was odd. Steve wasn’t alone.</p><p>Hearing the sounds, he frowned and opened the door. To his complete and utter surprise, he heard a familiar voice in the room. Then he saw.</p><p>There was someone sitting opposite to Steve. A familiar face that Tony didn’t want to see.</p><p>
  <em>Oh great.</em>
</p><p>“Mr. Stark.” Robinson said, twisting from the chair to rest his arm over the back and look him over. “It’s great to see you. Nice uniform.”</p><p>For some reason Tony felt his skin start to heat at the comment. On instinct he glanced at his uniform and shook his head.</p><p>“Thanks. I guess.”</p><p>When Tony looked back up, he noticed Steve staring at him carefully. He was leaned over the table and resting his chin over his joint hands, but his eyes were solely fixed on Tony.</p><p>He wasn’t smiling. In fact, he almost looked angry.</p><p>Releasing a sigh, Tony took a step forward and decided not to interfere. It wasn’t for him to know anyway. It wasn’t his place.</p><p>“Commander. Your notes.” Tony said quietly and placed the small pile of paper on the desk beside Steve with a soft thump. It seemed to do the trick as the flames disappeared in Steve’s eyes.</p><p>“Thanks Tony.” Steve replied and when Tony looked up at him in surprise, Steve nodded ever so slightly. Tony felt his lips form a small smile in response before nodding back.</p><p>Steve had just...he'd said his name. Not Stark, or agent, or a cursory glance. Just...</p><p>
  <em>Tony.</em>
</p><p>“So I hear you’re employed now? That must’ve come as a shock. How many people go from being partners to being boss and worker?”</p><p>Tony thought he saw Steve bristle. He knew he'd gone still too and Steve had noticed but there was nothing he could say. It wasn't his-</p><p>“Lay off of him, he’s not your concern.”</p><p>That was...unexpected of Steve. To defend him. </p><p>Hearing the tone, Robinson waved the issue away and smiled. “Of course. I’m not here to discuss the employees per say. Just a new business model.”</p><p>The papers needed re-sorting. Carefully, Tony picked them up again and flicked through the pages with his thumb. Silently, he listened in.</p><p>“I understand you own a share in Stark industries. Is that correct?” Robinson purred, and Tony fought hard not to roll his eyes.</p><p>Steve was far more mature. He simply nodded and threaded his fingers together. “I do.”</p><p>“It’s a significant portion, correct?”</p><p>Tony watched as Steve’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “What’s this about?”</p><p>“Well, I happen to be able to offer you a fair share myself. You see, while you’ve managed to obtain the main bulk of it, I happen to have a meager portion. A small thirty percent.”</p><p>Steve’s face went blank. Tony dropped the papers and cut himself, hissing at the sharp sting.</p><p>The second he looked up, he saw Robinson looking at him with a pleased expression. “I see you’re impressed. You should be.”</p><p>It took every ounce of Tony’s willpower not to fight. He wanted to destroy the man. Wring his scrawny little neck and blast him with a few carefully placed blasts. It would be fun, and hell maybe even Steve would join in. It could be a bonding exercise.</p><p>Steve looked livid.</p><p>“I’m still not entirely sure what you want from me Mr. Robinson.” Steve said quietly but it was almost too quiet. Like a lion set to pounce.</p><p>Robinson for his part, looked absolutely overjoyed. “Oh but you see, this meeting was incredibly important. I know you’re looking to take full shares back and I am willing to give it to you. My price is extremely reasonable.” He said with eyes that gleamed in the light. The man looked like he was about to burst.</p><p>Steve raised his brow and stayed firm. “And what price do you have in mind?”</p><p>“Why- “Robinson grinned from ear to ear and looked at Tony. “Just Mr. Stark of course.”</p><p>Silence. The room went deadly silent.</p><p>Tony felt the air leave his lungs and looked at Steve with a sick feeling in his stomach. Steve was completely still, and wasn't looking at him, but Mr. Robinson.</p><p>Moments passed. Then, when Steve spoke, Tony shivered at the sheer anger in his voice.</p><p>“How <em>dare</em> you come in here and ask me to give him to you? How can you even think- “</p><p>“It’s a fair deal- “</p><p>“So, you walk in here and expect me to agree to that? Tony Stark belongs to-to<em> Shield,</em> do you understand!? And if you don’t well- “Steve pushed his chair back and began to stand. Tony gaped, having long forgotten about the sheets.</p><p>“We’re gonna have problems pal.” Steve lifted up his chin and clicked his knuckles.</p><p>Robinson was out of his seat faster than a bullet being fired from a gun.</p><p>“I’m-I’m so sorry, I just thought-I’ll just leave now-“</p><p>And he was gone. Out of the room faster than lightening. The chair he’d been somehow sat on was still spinning.</p><p>Tony blinked at the space and tried to close his mouth. He struggled to form words.</p><p>That was until a hand slipped into his belt from behind and tugged him back a little.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Tony blinked harshly, suddenly feeling his mind slam to a halt. How was it fair? He cared about Steve so much but Steve promised he didn’t feel the same, yet the moment someone tried to take him away, Steve would just step in and stop it. It just didn’t make any sense. What on earth was that?</p><p>“Stark? C’mon.” Steve breathed behind him and suddenly the hand in his belt slipped around and waist and tugged him back until he felt the warm heat of Steve’s chest against his back.</p><p>Looking down, he was shocked to find Steve’s arm wrapped around him from behind.</p><p>“...Uh...”</p><p>“Tony?” Steve asked quietly into his ear and then guided Tony around to face him. With both hands settled on Tony’s hips, he looked him over and frowned.</p><p>“Stark, say something. What’re you thinking?”</p><p>“Why didn’t you just agree to it?” Tony blurted and almost wished he hadn’t. Steve’s expression grew pained and his fingers clenched and unclenched against his uniform.</p><p>“Stark-“</p><p>“It’s a good deal. I go with him and the company is-“</p><p>“You’re not some <em>thing.</em> I can’t just sell you to someone else.” Steve said quietly but his tone was firm. He stared Tony down and didn’t look away.</p><p>Still, that didn’t help Tony. What was he supposed to do with this new information?</p><p>“But I do belong to you in a way. You can do whatever you want.” Tony shrugged tiredly, looking down at his uniform in resignation. “It’s only fair, I guess.”</p><p>“What’s fair?”</p><p>
  <em>Since I used you before. Since I hurt you. And betrayed you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And killed you.</em>
</p><p>Tony gave him a brittle smile that didn’t even feel real. “I don’t mind Steve, really. If you need me to do something else, I don’t mind, I promise.”</p><p>“You belong to Shield. That’s how it is.”</p><p>“Until this contract is over?” Tony confirmed because he wasn’t about to give himself false hope. What was up with Steve anyway?</p><p>Steve was quiet. Then-</p><p>“Yes. Until then.”</p><hr/><p>Three weeks went by. Nothing changed. Nothing got better and nothing got worse. Life on the Helicarrier was turning out to be fairly uneventful, even after Steve's little display.</p><p>Time was slow. He spent his days correcting the work he’d done just hours before, spent more time trying to avoid his residents, and spent even more time trying to dodge people altogether.</p><p>He’d given up on meals. The few pieces of bagel slices and cream cheese from the janitor in the cafeteria was more than enough. It was more for the action itself than the actual food.</p><p>Any spare time he had was spent in his corner in the sleeping quarters. If he wasn’t just lying on his bed, just waiting for the room to clear, he was sitting up and staring at the sky through the window. Occasionally, he’d feel a twinge in his heart when his mind drifted to thoughts of the suit.</p><p>But that was it. That would be the only thing. Not even seeing Steve made him feel good anymore.</p><p>Simply put, he didn’t care anymore. </p><p>Distantly Tony started to wonder if he should be more concerned. He was Ironman, an ex-Avenger with a belief in the future. He was the futurist on the team, after all.</p><p>Was. <em>Was.</em></p><p>Other things were happening too. Not only was he starting to feel detached from everyone around him, he was starting to notice things in the mirror.</p><p>His cheeks looked pale as a sheet. His eyes seemed dim and somewhat glazed, like he was barely paying attention. His body was thinner than he’d remembered it being and that was despite losing loads of weight when he’d been trapped in the bottle all those years ago.</p><p>That was another thing. Sometimes his mind drifted to happier thoughts. Like the days when he was part of the team and no one even knew. When Tony Stark had been little more than a landlord and Ironman had been a growing beacon of hope.</p><p>Steve had been his best friend. He’d even thought that Steve might’ve loved him once.</p><p>it was a long time ago, but thoughts like that were what made Tony worry a little. It made his fingers itch for a drink afterwards, after all-</p><p>Who was he trying to keep himself clean for anymore? No one saw him and no cared. Not even Steve anymore.</p><p>
  <em>What was the point?</em>
</p><p>“Jesus, Stark. What the hell’s wrong with you?” Ben wrinkled his nose as Tony ghosted past him. The lab felt really cold, why was no one else shivering?</p><p>“Where are my assignments?” Tony paused and sniffed a little, feeling a wave of exhaustion sweep over him. It was okay. He just needed to finish the stupid equations and then he’d be free to spend the day in bed. Would Ty or Ben let him leave early?</p><p>Ben rolled his eyes and tossed a tablet from under the table in front of Tony.</p><p>”Get on with it. You’ve started to fall behind.” </p><p>“Sure.” Tony said and suddenly broke into a fit of coughs, having to grab the side of Ben’s desk to stay upright.</p><p>When he blinked open his eyes, everything was blurring a little at the edges. It took him a second longer than he would’ve liked, to let go.</p><p>”Urghhh...” Tony heard and realized it had come from him. </p><p>Ben didn’t do anything but watch with mild disgust. So much for getting an early leave.</p><p>“You’re unreal Stark. Stop making a mess on my desk. If you wanna do that, go talk to Ty or sit in your corner. There’s a good little billionaire.”</p><p>As soon as he straightened up, Tony opened his mouth to respond when suddenly alarms blared throughout the halls and the lights flashed red.</p><p>”<b>A message from the Commander: Please can all non-combatant agents return to their quarters immediately</b>. <b>All combatants to floor C.”</b></p><p>The robotic sound was on repeat and Tony quickly realized this was not a drill. Something had happened.</p><p>”Stark! <em>Stark</em>!” Tony blinked and turned to see Ben suddenly up on his feet with a frantic, desperate look on his face.</p><p>”That’s a code red!”</p><p>Was that important?</p><p>”It means we’re under attack! Heavy fire!” Ben yelled, suddenly looking terrified as he seemed to search the room for something. Around them, agents left their stations and ran for the doors, including Trish and Sam. Ben however, seemed to be scanning the room sharply, even in the chaos. Then he looked at Tony again and his eyes sharpened.</p><p>”Go get the suit!”</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Tony blinked at him. Was he talking about his armor?</p><p>Didn’t he know? Everyone knew he wasn’t Ironman anymore, and if they didn’t, it was blatantly obvious he was not on the Avengers team anymore. Otherwise he’d be on the top deck, geared up and ready to take the front line.</p><p>”I’m non-combatant.” Tony explained calmly, feeling something twist in his stomach when Ben barked out a nervous laugh and rolled his eyes. The action seemed jarred, like he’d taken a hit and was somewhat dazed. He didn’t seem as cutting as he usually was.</p><p>“Sure you are! Go hop into your suit and go see what all the fuss is about! I know the Commander has your suit on the top deck! Go get it!”</p><p>”Seems like you haven’t heard. I’m ex-superhero. Just a retired billionaire now." Actually- "Ex-billionaire." He corrected.</p><p>”Don’t play coy Stark! This isn’t one of your games, you have a responsibility to-!”</p><p>”No.”</p><p>Suddenly Ben’s eyes narrowed and turned into sharp stones of steel. The nerves morphed into rage.</p><p>“Stark, you seriously wanna leave this up to the commander? You let him get shot at once before, you’re really gonna do it again?”</p><p>It was cold and merciless-shockingly so. It almost worked.</p><p>“No.” Tony repeated and shook his head slowly. “I won’t. I’m not Ironman anymore.”</p><p>”But you owe Shield! You owe everyone your goddamn life!” Ben spat out and leaned over the desk like a man about to pounce. “You get in that damn suit, or you admit fault when everyone gets killed up there because of you. Including your precious Captain.”</p><p>Something about the wording caught Tony off guard slightly, but he was too tired to question it. He knew what they all thought of him. What was one more insult? One more personal attack?</p><p>”I can’t.” He repeated but his voice cracked as he spoke and even Ben frowned at that. “I-I just can’t.”</p><p>It was as if time froze for a moment. Ben was just standing there in horror, while Tony was doing his best to stifle the cough that was threatening to come out. It was a stalemate Tony hadn’t really expected.</p><p>Out of no-where, something came to him, like a remnant of who he was before all of this.</p><p>In a deadly calm voice, he met Ben eye-to-eye and spoke.</p><p>”Despite what you think of me, I don’t actually have it in me to fight anymore. You’re better off talking to an Avenger. I’m just a lab assistant. Just like you said.”</p><p>Ben didn’t seem to have an answer. For once, the man looked gobsmacked and Tony almost wanted to warn him about flies and open mouths but the man simply shook his head and stepped away from the desk, turning away with a scowl on his face.</p><p>Just before he left the lab, he turned however, and looked at Tony like he was worse than the dirt he walked on.</p><p>”You damn us all Stark. And I mean, all of us.”</p><p>The door hissed shut behind him, leaving him in the empty lab. The sirens continued to blare.</p><p>Tony stared at the empty space with unseeing eyes.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>This is a bad idea. A really bad idea.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>You’ll make a mistake. Steve will take one look at you and order you back anyway, why bother?</em>
</p><p><em>It’s not like they want you</em>.</p><p>Tony hadn’t known how but somehow he’d made his way down the corridors, against the sea of agents that continued to run past and found himself standing in front of the lift.</p><p>
  <em>He won’t want you on the field again. None of them will.</em>
</p><p>Slowly he pressed the button and stepped in. It was was like he was on autopilot. The world was distant and his mind was drifting.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t go. You’ll get yourself killed.</em>
</p><p>He was in front of the office. The commanders office. He could get access. He’d already gained access when he’d fiddled with the tablet downstairs.</p><p>The door slid open. Steve was gone. It was just the empty desk and chair and the side door for the commanders armory. Distantly, he realized the armory door opened with him having to break in. His palm on the scanner registered.</p><p>His name appeared on the glass panel. The door revealed Steve’s gear and various Shield weapons. Guns, hoods, uniforms and all sorts of wonders were there.</p><p>His armor was in the corner. Just opposite Steve’s Captain America chain mail. Tony stepped forward and stared at his reflection metal.</p><p>Then he glanced at Steve’s uniform just behind him. <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>I know. But I don’t care.</em>
</p><hr/><p>It was complete chaos outside. On the top deck there were groups of Shield agents, all gathered with individual weapons and layouts of their own. There was gunfire and explosions and fire and smoke.</p><p>Robots. He saw grey,humanoid-like robots with guns and glass lenses firing directly towards the agents. Some were slightly bigger than others but they all seemed to be sifting through the agents with ease. And they looked fairly durable, unlike the standard doom-bots Tony knew all too well.</p><p>Tony had one goal in mind. The only thing important enough to make him put the suit on. </p><p>The suit felt cold on him. More empty, like he'd never be able to fill the space. The movements were somewhat jerky and unfamiliar and he had to double back a few times when he pushed too far with in the air. Simply put, he was out of practice and it showed. </p><p>Plus he was distracted. A bad combination, he knew.</p><p>"Has anyone seen the commander!?" Tony exclaimed, grasping the arm of a nearby agent who grunted and made to shove him off. </p><p>Only the agent stopped and stared at him, his grip going slightly slack around his gun.</p><p>"Ironman?"</p><p>"Focus!" Tony said sharply, knowing his voice was coming out colder through the helmet. Still, it worked and the agent tightened his grip and stood tall. "Where's the commander? Where are the Avengers?"</p><p>"Sir, you're not with them?"</p><p>Tony felt like smacking the agent. What was wrong with him? "Of course I'm not! Where are they?!" He snapped and thankfully the agent pointed ahead towards the largest tower of smoke.</p><p>"There! But be careful, there's robots-"</p><p>"On it!" He cried and didn't waste another second. Each second was precious in a fight, he knew. One wrong move and things could go wrong. One wrong glance and you could be killed. One wrong turn and you could be-</p><p>Something slammed into him, sending him flying. The sheer force behind the hit, knocked the breath out of his lungs, and for a split-second his vision went black. Thankfully he righted himself in time to avoid another hit. The thing that hit him kept coming towards him.</p><p>It was a huge robot. Insanely huge. And around it were several smaller ones that were raining down gunfire on the packs of agents. Some of the robots were focusing on taking down the agents in the turrets lining the top deck. Others were looking for something, tearing through the agents like paper.</p><p>But what were they looking for?</p><p>"Ironman? Do you copy?"</p><p>Relief flooded his veins like a drug. It was Steve's voice and he sounded unharmed. Tony almost felt dizzy.</p><p>"Hey, yeah! It's me, I'm here!" Tony said and almost felt his lips curve up under the helmet. "Are you okay?"</p><p>He thought he heard Steve laugh tiredly through the coms and the sound was enough to give Tony strength. It didn't matter what he felt, Steve had to be safe. </p><p>For once he was glad he'd listened to Ben. </p><p>"I'm fine Shellhead, better now that you're here." Tony could just picture Steve smiling as he said it. It sounded like he was smiling. "I take it you finally went up to the office?"</p><p>"Yeah, sorry." Tony slammed his fist down on one of the robots that was trying to rip an agent's arm off. "I decided to break in. Hope that's not a problem."</p><p>"No problem at all." Steve huffed and the sound of metal vibrating came through. "Could use a hand here though. Where are you?"</p><p>"By the lifts. Where are you?" </p><p>"Taking out the biggest one. Head towards it and you'll see Carol and Thor flying. I'm on the ground."</p><p>"Yes sir!" Tony said and for the first time in weeks, felt brighter for it. </p><p>He could close his eyes and pretend that just for a moment, everything was fine. And that nothing had changed. Sure he was in the middle of a fight, and these robots weren't making it easy but-</p><p>It was just like old times. <em>Just</em> like old times.</p><p>He spotted flashes of Thor and Carol in the thickest smoke, just like Steve had said. Determined, he pushed on and flew towards them, taking out a few robots and helping a few agents along the way. </p><p>Everything was going according to plan. He'd set his sights on the team and he wasn't going to let anyone get hurt. None of them, not one, and nothing would stop him.</p><p>That was until something shot at him. And cut right through his body with a deadly aim. </p><p><em>Well that’s not good.</em> Tony gasped feeling a searing,<em> roaring</em> pain in his body as the armor wavered from the hit. The pain started to build up until it was red-hot and washed over him in spades until he could barely breathe.</p><p>Gunshot wound. At least two, maybe even three.</p><p>He had to be careful. If he wasn’t then who knew what would happen. They’d deliver his remains to Pepper and that would be the end.</p><p>But more importantly-</p><p>“Ironman where are you!?”</p><p>“Coming.” He swallowed and bit his lip hard enough to taste blood. The smell of burned metal reached his nose, and the smoke in the air swirled around him in slow dark waves. Agents were scrambling to either grab a weapon or duck. Steve was no where to be seen. He'd lost sight of Thor and Carol too.</p><p>“Steve. Come in, Steve.” Tony bit out, struggling to think beyond the pain. But he had to, he needed to find Steve.</p><p>If there was one thing he was gonna do with his miserable life it was going to be helping Steve get out of this. He was going to keep Steve safe, even if it killed him.</p><p>What better way to put an end to his life than this? What better way to make sure no one suffers because of him again?</p><p>He didn’t get a response so he pushed his arms out and flew up a few metres, enough to see the landing strip of the Helicarrier as a whole. That’s when he spotted Steve and several other agents fighting off the robots. Steve was struggling, Tony could tell and that sent more fear racing through him than the pain.</p><p>“Steve!” He pushed his repulsers forward and forced the pain back. <em>Keep going,</em> he chanted. <em>Keep going and make yourself useful. Don’t stop. This is what you’re good for.</em></p><p>He had to help Steve.</p><p>Just as he approached, he saw the giant claw of the huge robot reach up and aim to crush Steve to the ground. Tony doubled his speed.</p><p>“Steve, look out!”</p><p>Steve spun on his heel and looked at him, body alert and primed. Then he tossed his shield at the robot and began to run towards Tony in full speed.</p><p>Oh, they were doing <em>that</em> manoeuvre.</p><p>Automatically, Tony held out his hands and swooped low, meeting Steve’s arms as he did. They grabbed each other’s arms and Tony used every bit of his strength to pull Steve up and out of immediate danger. But they weren’t done yet.</p><p>“We need to get rid of it! Any ideas!?” Steve asked below him and Tony swallowed against the taste of blood in his mouth. Thankfully adrenaline was starting to kick in.</p><p>“We gotta see if it has a control panel on the back! That’s the best shot I think!”</p><p>“Fine! I can distract it! You go for the back!”</p><p>He knew it was a bad time, but Tony couldn’t help but feel like they were Winghead and Shellhead again. He was reminded of the past where Steve and him would make their strategies and everything would fit perfectly. If he closed his eyes now, he could picture the mansion with Jarvis and the others and feel Steve’s hand on his shoulder.</p><p>
  <em>Focus. Breathe.</em>
</p><p>“You got it! Let’s do this!”</p><p>Tony lowered himself until he was just above the robot and let Steve go, dropping him directly on the robots head. Then he swooped low and circled round trying to get a good entry point. He was struggling to find one with those claws waving around.</p><p>“Change of plan! I found the control panel!” Steve yelled, much to Tony’s delight. “Bring me my shield Shellhead!”</p><p>“Right!”</p><p>"Thor, Carol, keep it distracted while Tony gets to me!"</p><p>The shield, where the hell was the shield? Suddenly he spotted Ben looking caught in the crossfire between some agents from another department and the robot. Towards his right was the shield.</p><p>“Ben! The shield!” Tony shouted into the speakers, hoping the man would listen to him, even if just for once in his life. If he could just grab that then they’d be okay-</p><p>“Get it yourself Stark!” Ben snarled into the coms breathlessly and to Tony’s absolute shock, started to run the other way.</p><p>Tony was gobsmacked. What kind of coward would just...</p><p>The mission was first priority. He had to get the shield to Steve.</p><p>A brief glance made him consider the Shield agents shooting at the robot but then he knew they weren’t an option. They seemed pretty stuck and he was afraid that pulling one out would mean they’d get hurt in the cross fire.</p><p>Tony mentally crossed his fingers and prayed.</p><p>
  <em>Here goes nothing.</em>
</p><p>He charged up his boots and soared through the wave of bullets, hearing and feeling the many knocks of each one. None got through thankfully but his heart raced as bullets flew in front of him. The shield got closer though until finally, he reached out and grabbed it. Then he pushed up and banked over to Steve.</p><p>“I got it!” Tony said, feeling a little wild and a bit dizzy. Like he’d been electrified.</p><p>“Great job! Get to me!”</p><p><em>Something's wrong,</em> his mind warned him distantly. Alarms were ringing in his mind.</p><p>There'd been a breech. Another one.</p><p>His armor had taken another hit and JARVIS was trying to warn him. Warmth was seeping onto his stomach.</p><p>His lips tasted like iron. His limbs were shaking.</p><p>"Catch!" Tony coughed out and flung the shield with all his might in Steve's direction. And silently, he prayed Steve would catch it.</p><p>Steve didn't disappoint. Not in the least.</p><p>"It's down! They're falling!"</p><p>Well that's good. Tony thought tiredly and hovered towards the ground as he saw the many dozens of robots begin to fall. It was a sight to behold.</p><p>As he landed, he caught a few of the nearby agents watching him. Ben was one of them.</p><p>Ben's eyes were wide with terror, and he looked ice-white with fear.</p><p>If Tony had been able to say anything about it, he would've. As it was, he couldn't do much.</p><p>He was losing blood. And his whole body was shaking like he was in shock.</p><p>Careless. He'd been careless. </p><p>Once Steve would've yelled at him for that. Tony was pretty sure he wouldn't now.</p><p>From the rubble, the Avengers emerged like the heroes they were. Tony could see not just Carol and Thor, but also Wanda, and the Falcon and several others. </p><p>Steve was there too. And he was looking proud as ever, standing tall at the front as he led his team to victory.</p><p>"Ironman! Great job!" He beamed and it was like staring directly into the sun. </p><p>He was nothing in comparison. Steve was everything. </p><p>"You did good! In fact, I'd say better than good." Steve smiled, and somehow he was only a few feet away and walking towards him. </p><p>"I guess it feels good to be back in the..."</p><p>Steve's voice trailed off as he finally approached him. From behind them, Tony thought he heard a few gasps. </p><p>Carol's eyes were wide. She was shaking her head and mouthing <em>nonono</em> over and over.</p><p>Thor looked worried too. His expression was dark with rage but it was clouding over with something that looked a lot like fear. Tony wasn't used to seeing that on him. The last time they'd spoken, Thor had turned his back on him.</p><p>The others too, they all looked shocked and pretty horrified and for a moment, Tony debated asking what they were so worried about. Everyone was fine.</p><p>"Tony. What the hell happened?"</p><p>Choking out a laugh Tony straightened up a little and smiled. Something dribbled down from his lips but he wasn't too worried anymore.</p><p>Steve was safe. A little banged up, sure, but he was okay and that was enough. Tony didn't mind about the rest.</p><p>"N-nothing." Tony coughed out and groaned, feeling his legs shaking. He was starting to sway. "Mission success commander."</p><p>A few agents were starting to mumble. The team was starting to pull out their coms and talk to people inside. Tony thought he heard Carol call for a medic.</p><p>"You-" Steve opened and closed his mouth before glaring at Tony. He looked furious. </p><p>"What. <em>Happened?</em>" He repeated through grit teeth and tightened his grip on the Shield strap as he stepped closer. </p><p>"What do you want from me Steve?" Tony sighed tiredly and felt his eyes close under the helmet. "I put on the suit. Just like you asked."</p><p>"No." Steve shook his head firmly and ripped back his cowl angrily. "I never asked you to throw yourself into fire-"</p><p>"I joined Shield. Just like you asked. I became an agent. Just like you asked. I live on the Helicarrier. Just like you asked. I put on the armor. <em>Just like you asked.</em>" Tony felt something begin to build up in his chest. Like molten lava threatening to spill. He was dangerously close to losing it all. </p><p>"You wanted me to fall in line. That's what I'm doing. <em>Falling in line</em>." Tony said firmly and wrapped one of his arms tight around his waist to keep himself upright. Not that it mattered much anyway.</p><p>He could die for all they cared. Right here, right now, in front of all of them. None of them would give a damn. </p><p>"I'm heading back inside. Commander." </p><p>Without bothering to wait, he began to walk past, only his body faltered and his vision swam. Still after a brief pause, he pushed past the pain and pushed on forward. </p><p>Steve was watching him like he'd gone crazy.</p><p>Then suddenly, as Tony crossed him, he snapped. Tony couldn't say he was surprised. He may have forgotten their fight but he could never forget how Steve got when he was right.</p><p>“Damnit look at me, Tony!” Steve growled, pulling him back with a hand around his arm. “Why the hell haven’t you seen someone yet!? Where’s the rest of your team!? Why have you left them!?" Steve shook him angrily and that was it. Something in him finally snapped.</p><p>Tony yanked his arm back and roared;</p><p>“I DON’T HAVE A TEAM! I HAVE NO ONE, ALRIGHT!? NOT A SINGLE PERSON AND DO YOU KNOW WHY!?” Tony could feel it coming out now. Weeks of pent up anger spilling out at the seams. Months of being separated from the only family he knew. He was done.</p><p>He jabbed his hand at Steve’s chest and shoved him back hard, feeling tears fall from his eyes.</p><p>“I’M TIRED! I’M SO TIRED! NONE OF YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME AND NOT ONE OF YOU CARES WHETHER I LIVE OR DIE! SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” He screamed feeling his head spin and his heart pound. Tears leaked down his face as the emotions finally fell. He was starting to feel detached from his body and the pain was starting to feel like a distant memory.</p><p>Once upon a time he would’ve joked about that. Once upon a time, he wouldn’t have given up. On his hopes and dreams for his company. On his belief in the Avengers. In Ironman and in Steve. His love for Steve, his hopeless<em> pathetic</em> love that got him in this mess. If only he hadn’t lied to himself and admitted that there was nothing left for him from the start. If only he’d been kinder to himself and accepted that his relationship with Steve was dead.</p><p>Pepper had been right all along.</p><p>“I’m so tired. Just let me go home.” Tony said numbly, unblinking as tears fell from his eyes and his vision blurred. Before him, Steve was shocked, his mouth parted and his eyes wide with horror, anger, disbelief-</p><p>He didn’t care. What did it matter?</p><p>“I don’t care about the company or any of it. I just want to go home. Please Steve, let me go home.” Tony whispered quietly, feeling his body hitch even as his eyes stayed on Steve’s horrified expression. Really, there wasn’t anything else he could do.</p><p>He was well and truly <em>done.</em></p><p>“Sorry.” He heaved tiredly, reaching up to scrub at his sore eyes. The tears didn’t really stop though so he just dropped his hand and sighed. “Don’t worry about it. Doesn’t matter. Sir.”</p><p>Steve’s eyes glistened but he didn’t say a word, instead clenching his jaw and swallowing. It was then that Tony realized-</p><p>He’d just cried in front of Steve-in front of everyone. He’d just screamed at him publicly too. Steve probably thought he was insane.</p><p>Tentatively, Tony met Steve’s eyes and tried to gauge his response. Steve met his eyes too and he seemed to just stare at him like he was truly seeing him for the first time.</p><p>Steve looked concerned. In fact, Tony would go so far as to say he looked scared. But of what, Tony wasn’t sure. It couldn’t have been him.</p><p>When Steve spoke, his voice was low and fragile, like a string about to break. Steve seemed to be struggling with keeping the emotions out of voice, but he tried his best.</p><p>“I’m ordering you a full physical. I want you to see the med team for a full check-up, okay?”</p><p>Tony nodded silently, letting his eyes drift as he stopped seeing beyond Steve. There wasn’t much point in arguing when Steve was like this. And what could he say after how he’d just behaved? It really was repulsive behavior. Pathetic and fitting for him.</p><p>Steve’s eyes flashed as he watched Tony’s dulled response. Then carefully, as if he couldn’t stop himself, he reached out and pressed the back of his hand against Tony’s cheek, eyes dark and full of dread.</p><p>“You’re burning up.” Steve breathed, sounding like he’d been the one to get punched and Tony could see the Commander stance finally dissolving completely.</p><p>Well, he couldn’t have that. He gave a wobbly smile. It was the best he could really give after what had just happened.</p><p>“I’m okay.” He whispered, but noticed the way Steve’s eyes widened and his whole demeanor shifted.</p><p>“Maria! Get the med team here. Tony needs medical attention, now!”</p><p>“No, I’m fine, I...” The sky was starting to spin a little. Maybe a bit too much for his liking. He probably needed to lie down, drink some water, get those...those bullets seen to...</p><p>“Tony, stay with me!” He vaguely heard and felt his head start to tilt back. Then hands shot out and grabbed him sharply, locking him in a tight grip.</p><p>Steve was holding him now. An arm around his waist and a hand pulling his head down to rest against Steve’s shoulder. The dizziness eased a bit.</p><p>He was safe. For a moment he was completely safe. No bullets, no team of assholes, no reminders of the SHRA or Osborn. Just...Steve...</p><p>“Deep breaths. C’mon breathe. You’re okay, you’re gonna be okay.”</p><p>Steve’s words sank into him and took hold like a warm blanket. He thought he could feel Steve’s pulse racing through his body but that was crazy. Steve wasn’t worried about him. They were well passed that.</p><p>And yet Tony found himself craving every touch. And enjoying every bit that he got.</p><p>“S’okay...’m okay...” Tony found himself whispering but Steve shook his head and held him tighter.</p><p>As things started to fade, he heard Steve say one thing. Tony thought he almost sounded sad.</p><p>“You’re not okay. You haven’t been okay for a while have you Tony?”</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Check out the GORGEOUS ART that Lu made for this scene-Be sure to tell Lu what you think (I guarantee you will love it!!!)<br/>Use this link here:<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825097/chapters/68121088</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d drifted after that. He didn’t really remember anything after so he suspected he’d passed out. When he came to though, he was met with Steve’s worried face and a decidedly unimpressed doctor. They hadn’t noticed he was waking up because they were busy discussing his health apparently.</p><p>
  <em>Typical Steve.</em>
</p><p>“Is he going to be okay? What do the blood tests show?”</p><p>“We’ve removed the bullets and stitched up the wounds. He’s lucky they didn’t hit any major organs but he did lose blood. And adding to what we found on the initial results...”</p><p>“What? What did you find?” Steve insisted, sounding borderline manic and Tony found himself watching him through thin slits.</p><p>“He’s anemic. And quite badly by the looks of it. He’s lost weight and he doesn’t really have the same muscle tone as when he first came in. Not to mention, he’s exhibiting signs of long-term exhaustion and stress and dehydration.” The doctor said and glanced at him briefly. “He’s awake.”</p><p>Steve turned to him and let out a deep sigh. Then he didn’t waste a second and came close enough, Tony was sure Steve could feel his temperature from here.</p><p>“Tony.” Steve breathed and blinked, reaching out to grab his hand. Tony didn’t close his hand around Steve’s, feeling too shaky to really move and instead noted his surroundings.</p><p>He was in the med bay. A familiar sight for once, since he’d been here plenty of times as an Avenger. No one had needed to show him this once.</p><p>It was a private room though. The same one he or any of the Avengers were put in for injuries. It was a simple room with a window and a TV. And of course, the medical equipment and the highest security to get in.</p><p>“Welcome back.” Steve said quietly, looking so relieved, Tony didn’t know what to say. The poor guy looked like he’d been shedding buckets.</p><p>“Mr. Stark. How are you feeling?” The doctor also asked and walked to the other side of Tony’s bed, picking up a pen light from his pocket to wave in Tony’s eyes. Tony jerked back when the doctor gripped his chin and held him still.</p><p>“Hey, easy!” Steve hissed and pulled the doctors hand away in warning. Grateful, Tony smiled a little. He could barely move, he was so tired.</p><p>“He’s okay for now. Not unstable but definitely not where I would like him to be. I’m ordering set meals. Lots of foods containing iron and lots of fluids. I can tell just by looking at him that he’s not eating, so I’m gonna order weekly bloods tests until he’s back on track.”</p><p>Steve didn’t say a word but nodded. Tony just blinked tiredly and tried to bring himself to care. The doctor continued.</p><p>“Bed rest for at least two weeks. Or one week if he can’t manage that. But no work for three weeks at the very least. He needs a break.”</p><p>“No I don’t.” Tony scowled, feeling too heavy to lift his head. This moron obviously didn’t know the first thing about him. Work was the only thing he was good for now.</p><p>“You do Tony.” Steve insisted and when Tony looked at him, he noticed weary blue eyes looking back.</p><p>“That’s playing dirty...” Tony whispered, licking his lips and wincing at the dryness. Steve smiled though, which made it worth it.</p><p>Instead of commenting, the doctors merely rolled his eyes. “Contrary to what you may think Mr. Stark, I’m not saying this lightly. We’ve been down this road before.”</p><p>Now that sparked Tony’s interest. And Steve’s too by the looks of it.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I’ve treated him before, Commander. Back when he was Director. And we had a very similar conversation that he mostly ignored.” The doctor glared, folding his arms.</p><p>Tony frowned a little. “But I don’t know you.”</p><p>“Ah, the memory issue. Well, it doesn’t matter because I’m going to remind you. You need a full medical exam.”</p><p>“Fine, what else?” Steve said firmly before Tony could even open his mouth. Snapping it shut, Tony glared at him but didn’t get more than a glare back.</p><p>The next words surprised them both.</p><p>“And maybe a psych evaluation too.”</p><p>“What?” Steve frowned, and when Tony turned to look at him, he noted the sudden tension in his shoulders. If he could’ve, he would’ve told Steve not to worry. It was probably nothing.</p><p>He was fine. Everything would be okay.</p><p>
  <em>You’ll be okay.</em>
</p><p>“Why does he need a psych eval?”</p><p>For a moment, the doctor showed the first signs of concern and looked torn. His gaze flitted to the door concealing the group of babbling Shield agents, and the genius laying prone in the bed. Finally, he took a deep breath and decided.</p><p>“I’m worried about his mental state, Commander.” He said in a low tone like it was some dirty little secret. Maybe because that’s what he was. Their dirty little secret.</p><p>“He’s distant. He doesn’t talk much. And when I asked his team why he hadn’t come to me sooner, they just...”</p><p>“What?” Steve’s voice went low and dark and he glanced at the door too.</p><p>“He needs to be assessed. I’ve seen his files before since I treated him for post battle injuries and this isn’t good. The last time this happened, he...”</p><p>Resolute, the doctor glanced at him again and straightened up. Pale-faced, Steve watched with look full of dread, as the doctor leaned over a little and stared at him.</p><p>“Mr. Stark. Do you remember anything about before? Does any of this feel familiar to you?”</p><p>Slowly, Tony shook his head.</p><p>“Not at all?”</p><p>“What is this about Doctor?”</p><p>The doctor sighed and pulled away with a grim expression. When he mustered up enough words, he faced Steve calmly and began to explain.</p><p>“When Mr. Stark was director of Shield there was a lot of responsibility put on his shoulders over a very short period of time. And after what had happened to you sir, he was under an immense amount of stress. I can only imagine- “</p><p>“Enough.” Steve stopped him with a hand. But his eyes were fixed on Tony. “What aren’t you telling me?”</p><p>The doctor went quiet for a moment. Then he followed his gaze and stared at Tony too, making Tony feel like a subject under a microscope. Only this was worse.</p><p>“He suffered from major depressive disorder. At least that’s what the suspected diagnosis was in his records. Hence the recklessness and lack of concern when attempting missions. At one point we were all concerned because...well...”</p><p>The doctor looked up and gave Steve a warning.</p><p>“He should be seen to. Otherwise things could go south fast. And you both need to talk.”</p>
<hr/><p>Steve hadn’t wasted any time after that. Once the doctor had said the words, Steve had booked Tony for an evaluation immediately and had requested the person come to Tony for the evaluation. Obviously, it hadn’t come as a surprise that Tony had been against it. But his opinion didn’t win in the end. Steve was too concerned apparently and the doctor was too firm.</p><p>“Thank you for attending Mr. Stark.”</p><p>“Yeah, because I really chose to be here, didn’t i?” He mumbled and once again lamented the fact that Steve had locked the door from outside. That was just cruel.</p><p>“How’re you feeling?”</p><p>“Tired. Shakey. My head really hurts.” Tony admitted, dropping his head into his hands as the energy left him. He felt drained but that was nothing new.</p><p>“All the time?”</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>“Can I take your temperature? You look like you’re running a fever.”</p><p>Not really registering, Tony felt his lips move and then felt the Doctor grip his shoulders and lie him down on the plastic covers gently. Once Tony was completely flat, the man slipped a strange device with a plastic tip into his ear and held. The device beeped loudly in Tony’s ear and if he hadn’t been so detached, it would have startled him.</p><p>“104 degrees. I’ll prescribe something, provided you promise not to take it alone. And you need to rest so I’m going to have you take some time off. No work for at least three weeks. I’m sure your doctor has already mentioned-“</p><p>“Fine.” Tony breathed, feeling the doctor’s stare.</p><p>Something softened in his gaze and if Tony hadn’t felt so drained, he might’ve balked at the concern. “When was the last time you ate?”</p><p>Tony frowned a little at that. Why did everyone keep going on about that?</p><p>“I’m not sure.”</p><p>“Try to remember if you can.”</p><p>He tried to and quickly realized. Had it really been that long?</p><p>“Two days ago...I think.”</p><p>“Do you feel lightheaded? Have you passed out at all?”</p><p>“Twice.” Tony mumbled, knowing without a doubt that this doctor would tell Steve. And that the thought made him feel sick to his stomach.</p><p>Pausing, the doctor pulled up a clipboard and began to jot some things down. After a while, he looked up from his notes and inspected Tony carefully.</p><p>“Was anyone with you? How long were you unconscious for?”</p><p>“I...I don’t know.” Tony said quietly, sitting back up slowly and suddenly feeling his eyes begin to burn. His head was spinning and he felt really sick suddenly. The world felt like it was going underwater.</p><p>He dropped his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. The room was spinning in slow heavy circles.</p><p>“That would be the blood loss and anemia kicking in. Please lie down, Mr Stark. Take a deep breath for me.”</p><p>With a bit of guidance, he was back to being vertical before he knew it. And the doctor was back to scribbling on his paper.</p><p>Tony closed his eyes and felt his mind relax. For once it was empty which was a complete blessing considering his state.</p><p>“Okay, it’s alright Mr.Stark. Just a few more questions. When was the last time you assisted with the labs? I know you’re very good at the work.”</p><p>“Yesterday...this morning. Before the mission.” Tony cracked open his eyes and watched as the doctor’s head shot up, his eyes narrow and searching.</p><p>“You were there with your team? Have-“ A frown started to appear on the doctor’s face. “Do you eat with them? Spend time with the agents there?”</p><p>If Tony had been more himself, he would’ve laughed. “No.” He answered blandly instead, knowing he didn’t get the right to challenge their behavior. These people were not the problem obviously.</p><p>The doctor seemed to frown even more. “You don’t get on with them?”</p><p>Finally Tony did laugh. “It’s not like that.”</p><p>“Then?”</p><p>Tony shrugged and held up his palms above his head, watching them shake.</p><p>They weren’t as rough as before. He didn’t have as prominent callouses anymore. The skin had turned softer and more pliant. His wrists looked thinner and his skin seemed paper-thin and ice-white. His eyes watered again and he let them fall to his sides.</p><p>“I miss the...no, I’m different. It’s not...it’s not their fault.”</p><p>“What is, Mr. Stark?”</p><p>“Me. It’s not their fault.”</p><p>The doctor went quiet for a moment. When Tony looked up, he realized the doctor looked a little...frustrated.</p><p>“I’d hardly say that’s fair, Mr. Stark.”</p><p>Fairness was in the eye of the beholder. At least, that was what he figured. But still, even though he was doing his best to help them, he knew it wasn’t nearly enough.</p><p>“I know.” Tony said quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on the door behind the doctor. “But it’s all I can do.”</p><p>“I meant for you. It’s not fair to you.”</p><p>Tony felt himself frown at the words.</p><p>“Sorry, what’s not fair to me?”</p><p>“The way you’re being treated. It’s not right.” The doctor said and then leaned forward and lowered his voice slightly. “I spoke to some of the agents in your department. The Commander would not be best pleased if he heard this was what was going on.”</p><p>“Ste-the Commander knows.” Tony cleared his throat and hoped the slip up went unnoticed. Looking at the gleam in the doctors eye, he’d failed.</p><p>“Does he?” The doctor raised a brow. “Should I ask him?”</p><p>“No, don’t. He doesn’t need the trouble.” Tony said quickly, knowing he’d been caught red-handed. Funny, he didn’t think he could still feel shame.</p><p>“So he has no clue, and you’ve basically been left to fend for yourself on this craft.” The doctor said dryly and Tony got the impression he was being told he was an idiot.</p><p>“Why would I tell him?” Tony sighed, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. He didn’t really know where this was going.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Easy. He doesn’t care.”</p><p>“Then why won’t you tell him? Or let me? You’re obviously not totally convinced he doesn’t care.”</p><p>Tony didn’t know what to say to that. That was not true. If Steve cared he would-</p><p>“See Mr. Stark, I think you know he would do something. And I think you know why.”</p><p>“He doesn’t care.” Tony insisted but even he knew he was lying now. It was obvious.</p><p>“Yes, of course. Someone who doesn’t care about you would definitely pick you straight up the minute something happened to you and carry you to the med bay the second they thought you were in danger. Of course that’s what they’d do.”</p><p>“Stop it.”</p><p>“He would also not stop you from doing whatever you want and would never get angry with everyone if, heaven forbid, something happened to you-“</p><p>“I said stop-“</p><p>“He’d obviously not make up a completely random excuse to have you on the same building, or say, aircraft now, would he?”</p><p>“Of course no-“ Tony froze and met the doctors eyes, feeling his throat catch.</p><p>“Did you just say he-“</p><p>“Yes” The doctor smiled at him knowingly, and Tony, the sucker he was, had to ask.</p><p>“He made it up just to get me here? You mean-“ Tony blinked. “He doesn’t need me for the weapons?”</p><p>The doctor went silent but Tony felt it was more for his sake than anything else. When Tony looked at him, he realized the doctor was pleased. Almost like he’d been waiting for this.</p><p>“Mister Stark, I believe we have hundreds of workers on board. I’m sure some of them are capable of smoldering wires or assembling missiles, or even completing the designs. This is a spy base after all.”</p><p>“So...he cares about me. That’s what you’re saying.” Tony said quietly, and suddenly it was like a weight had lifted off his shoulders. Like someone had given him air again.</p><p>It was true. If Steve really had hired him just to get him nearer...</p><p>There was only one reason he could think of.</p><p>
  <em>Steve cares about me. He missed me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He missed me!?</em>
</p><p>“Oh my god.” Tony breathed, staring at the ceiling in awe. He thought he heard the doctor sigh in relief.</p><p>“I think we’ve just started to solve the problems. The main one being your relationship with Captain America.”</p>
<hr/><p>There was brief lull after that. The psychologist quickly left after that with a promise to come back each day and Tony was left wondering just what he’d do now, the moment he faced Steve.</p><p>Did Steve really care about him? Even <em>now?</em></p><p>It seemed hard to imagine. Like some abstract thought that didn’t slot in with the image he had of Steve now.</p><p>But it did fit with what he knew of Steve from the past.</p><p>Before the SHRA, Steve had cared about him a lot and had always been there, always. As in, he’d always make sure he was okay after attacks, would always bring him food and ask him for meals every day, and hell when they had been living together in the mansion, Steve would always train him. Lots and lots of physical training.</p><p>Oh god, even the memories were enough to make him blush.</p><p>A knock on the door pulled him away from his thoughts. Unsurprisingly, both doctors walked in, and Steve quickly followed them. All three of them settled beside his bed.</p><p>“So, mister Stark, your test results have come back. Your blood sugar levels are far too low and your blood shows low mean volume. You need to be careful and make sure you eat carefully from this point on. Otherwise you could become seriously malnourished.”</p><p>“Yeah, I got that.” Tony snapped tiredly but couldn’t stop looking at Steve. The soldier seemed just as fixated on him and suddenly Tony wanted a moment alone with him. Even just a few minutes to talk.</p><p>
  <em>Crazy how things have changed. All because of a robot. </em>
</p><p>“Can you give us some time alone please?” Steve asked, giving him a knowing look, and Tony’s head shot up in awe. The doctors seemed just as surprised.</p><p>“O-of course! Take as long as you need commander!” The psychologist exclaimed and quickly pulled the other doctor out.</p><p>Once they left the room, with only a few cautious glances in Tony’s direction, the room was theirs.</p><p>Steve was still staring at him. His expression was carefully blank, like a mask.</p><p>Tony swallowed and braved eye contact. “Steve, hey look, I’m sorry okay? I know I shouldn’t have lost it like that but I was delirious and pretty out of it-“</p><p>Steve began to walk towards him. In slow, deliberate steps.</p><p>Tony spoke faster, all thoughts that he wanted to discuss his discovery vanished and panic took over. “I really screwed up but I promise, as soon as we’re back, I’ll be sure to never bring it up again and I won’t shout at you again- Hell, I'll even be more careful in the suit if that'll make you-“</p><p>“Tony.” Steve breathed, having stopped right in front of him. Then, without saying word, Steve leaned over and hugged him tight.</p><p>For once, Tony felt like he couldn’t breathe.</p><p>“S-Steve?”</p><p>Tony couldn’t see his face. But Steve’s shoulders were shaking.</p><p>“Oh, Steve...” Tony whispered, suddenly realizing Steve was crying.</p><p>That answered his question. It wasn’t his hope talking anymore. This really was Steve. And he really did care.</p><p>When Tony tried to separate them. Steve shook his head against his shoulder and squeezed tighter. His neck was damp and his heart felt heavy.</p><p>“Please don’t...don’t cry.”</p><p>“Was so worried.” Steve said in a voice that sounded like it had swallowed marbles. “I thought I was gonna lose you. I was so angry but I thought you were hurt.”</p><p>“Was I that bad?” Tony asked, feeling his eyes widen. He’d passed out from all the doctory things and the bullets had been minor bleeds. In the grand scheme of things, they’d had far worse but for Steve to be this upset...</p><p>“You weren’t okay. And I’ve never seen you lose it like that, not even when we fought during the SHRA. Not even when you had a drink. I was terrified.”</p><p>“You didn’t need to worry.” Tony reminded him quietly, holding still while Steve’s fingers tightened on him. The heat from Steve’s body was like a safety net Tony hadn’t known he’d needed. The familiarity of the smell and feel of Steve made his throat feel stiff.</p><p>He hadn’t had this in so long but he still remembered every bit of it.</p><p>“I can’t lose you. And definitely not because of my actions.” Steve said, voice muffled by Tony’s neck. Tony’s breath hitched when he felt Steve’s lips brush lightly against his skin.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Tony.” He whispered and finally pulled away. Tony blinked at the sight.</p><p>Steve as a mess. His gorgeous blue eyes were filled with tears and he looked like he was about to break into pieces. His cheeks were ruddy and his lips trembled. He kept his hands on Tony carefully, and looked at him like he was afraid to let go.</p><p>“You still care about me, don’t you?”</p><p>Steve didn’t answer. Instead, he just glared at Tony and wiped his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah.” He croaked, scrubbing at both of his eyes and Tony wondered if his heart could break any more. “I’ve always cared about you. That hasn’t changed.”</p><p>Tony watched the man he had known for decades struggle to pull himself together. It was...humbling to say the least.</p><p>“I thought...”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We had no chance of that. Going back to how we were, I mean.” Tony explained quietly and Steve knew what he meant.</p><p>Steve leaned back and looked at him. He didn’t deny it but he didn’t agree either, which made Tony’s heart sink but the Steve reached out and ruffled Tony’s hair gently.</p><p>His face was dead serious as he did but his fingers were warm and familiar. Steve sometimes did that after they'd fought for the remote back at the mansion, or they'd succeeded in a mission and he'd fallen next to Steve, leaning his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve would always reach out for his hair. </p><p>“You tell me whether we’re going to improve from this. I think we need to talk it out. I want to forgive you and- “Steve swallowed and pulled his hand away. “I want you to forgive me too.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>Steve shook his head and smiled sadly.</p><p>“We have a lot to talk about. Starting with what you actually do remember. Let’s do that at some point.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay, sure.” Tony nodded, suddenly feeling more hopeful than he had in months. Before he could help it, his lips spread into a smile.</p><p>Even better was that Steve saw him and started to smile too.</p><p>“When you’re better.” Steve nodded, squeezing Tony’s hand gently and stood up. “We’ll talk.”</p><p>Somehow Tony had a feeling things would improve.</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now you HAVE to check out Juni's AMAZINGLY ANGSTY, BEAUTIFUL ART!<br/>Follow this link for beautiful angst and please show your love:<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2020_Cap_Ironman_Big_Bang/works/27844804</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a small shift after that. Tony was hopeful that things had changed even if nothing really had on the outside. But he was convinced they had.</p>
<p>For instance, after that discussion about mending things, Steve had started to visit Tony every day. Granted it had only been three days since then (and he’d slept for most of it), but he was sure Steve had changed.</p>
<p>Steve didn’t seem to have that pinched look in his eyes anymore. And there was a warmth from him that Tony hadn’t known he’d missed.</p>
<p>Especially when it was the first thing he saw.</p>
<p>“Tony. Hey, wake up.” Steve said quietly, and Tony felt a warm hand shake his shoulder gently.</p>
<p>He was still in the med bay as promised, and wasn’t allowed any tablets or laptops for a couple of days until he was more stable (that hadn’t been a fun discussion with the doctor). So he’d slept and dreamt of strange satellites and robots with the Shield logo and Steve’s concerned gaze and hands on his neck. He’d been sleeping there for a good few hours and it was nice to be woken like this.</p>
<p>It definitely beat being woken in the communal sleeping quarters.</p>
<p>Slowly he shifted and opened his eyes. Steve was leaning over him, one hand still on his shoulder while the other was holding a tray. It looked like a bowl with something like soup.</p>
<p>“I brought you some food. Try and eat it for me, okay?” Steve said, giving him a small smile as he blinked to clear his vision. Slowly, he rolled onto his back and pushed himself up. Steve put the tray down and quickly wrapped an arm around his shoulders, helping him up.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He whispered, feeling sluggish. It was harder to muster up more energy and Tony figured the blood loss had something to do with it. He was weirdly cold so even the heat from Steve’s arm felt nice.</p>
<p>Or maybe he just liked the human contact. It had been months after all since anyone had even spoken to him properly. Steve holding him was like being able to sink into a mattress and relax.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Steve nudged him gently and that was when Tony realized, he had closed his eyes and was leaning his head on Steve’s shoulder. Somehow, he’d managed to shift so that he was relying on Steve.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I’ll move.” He opened his eyes just a fraction and tried to lift up his head and pull away but Steve didn’t let go. Surprised, Tony looked up.</p>
<p>“You’re exhausted. I think it’s good if you relax. I haven’t seen you like this in so long.” Steve murmured and when Tony blinked at him, he just shook his head and reached for the blanket, wrapping it around Tony. Then he slowly leaned back against the wall and adjusted Tony with him so they were side-by-side.</p>
<p>Just like the good old days when they’d sit on the couch and fight over what to watch. Tony could still remember how happy he’d been during those moments and how excited he’d been at the prospect of being so close to Steve.</p>
<p>Now...it wasn’t like that anymore. Tony didn’t dream of that anymore. It wasn’t for him to hope.</p>
<p>“Just relax.”</p>
<p>Tony watched distantly as Steve kept one arm around him and leaned over to grab the tray. Once he had it, he settled it on his lap and held out the bowl. It was definitely soup.</p>
<p>“The doctor told me this was okay. I figured we’d start with something light before we work our way up.”</p>
<p>It was strange to think Steve was sat here talking about food with him. It kind of seemed like something they would’ve done in the past. Before the SHRA.</p>
<p>Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, he reached out with shaky fingers and grabbed the bowl. Then slowly he began to eat.</p>
<p>“Once you finish, I’ll call the team down. They want to see you.”</p>
<p>The soup got stuck in his throat and he began to choke much to Steve’s horror. Through the coughs, he dropped the spoon and nearly spilled the soup.</p>
<p>What the hell was Steve <em>thinking?</em></p>
<p>“Hey easy!” Steve thumped his back with just enough force to help and when Tony could sit up again, he glared at Steve.</p>
<p>“No one wants to see me. Especially not my-“</p>
<p>“I meant the Avengers Tony.” Steve said tiredly and met his gaze with a pleading look. Tony just stared back at him with a mix of shock and irritation.</p>
<p>“As soon as they saw what happened the other day, they asked if they could see you. I told them they could come.”</p>
<p>“Well.” Tony cleared his throat and looked back down. He didn’t really know what to say. “I guess if you think that’s best then sure. Whatever you want.”</p>
<p>“Tony-“</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Tony rubbed his eyes and swallowed, feeling his headache increase tenfold. “I’m used to people feeling disgusted when they look at me.”</p>
<p>Tony felt Steve’s entire body still at that. Then he felt Steve’s fingers reach out and curl around him tightly.</p>
<p>“You are not disgusting. I never wanna hear you say that ever again. Do you hear me?” Steve’s voice burned cold, and if it hadn’t been for the way he was being held, Tony would’ve been sure Steve would’ve killed him there and then.</p>
<p>“Right.” Tony felt his cheeks start to burn but he quickly looked away. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologize.” Steve bit out but then took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t remember but after Osborn took over and you were in a coma, Pepper sent out a call. And we all came. Not just me but Thor and Rhodes and Maria and Natasha-even Dr. Strange was there to help you. Do you know why?”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t want to answer. He couldn’t-he <em>couldn’t-</em></p>
<p>Steve took his hand. Tony squeezed his eyes shut and prayed.</p>
<p>“We were all worried about you. And we couldn’t let you die. I couldn’t let you die.” Steve’s voice was low and quiet and pulling at him like a puppet being pulled by strings. He desperately wanted to believe it but at the same time-</p>
<p>“You told me no one cared if you lived or died. The other day, outside, that’s what you told me. Because somewhere along the lines you forgot just how far we were willing to go for you. No matter what’s happened, that hasn’t changed.”</p>
<p>Steve paused for a moment but then-</p>
<p>Fingers slipped under his chin and pulled him until he was a breath away from Steve.</p>
<p>Steve’s eyes were fierce when they looked at him. They ran over him quickly and sharply.</p>
<p>“None of us want you dead. Not one of us. Least of all me.”</p>
<p>“But you said- “Tony clamped his mouth shut the second he realized what he’d been about to say. Sadly, Steve caught onto it and didn’t let it go.</p>
<p>“I said?”</p>
<p>“There was no recovering from what I did. What we went through.” Tony dodged but Steve was watching him like a hawk. “I’d heard rumors that you were just keeping me here to keep an eye on me. Because I was...”</p>
<p>A risk. That’s what Ben had said. A risk. A liability. <em>A traitor.</em></p>
<p>He wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>When he flicked back, Steve was staring at him like he was finally seeing him for the first time. Like things were starting to click into place.</p>
<p>“You think I’ve been punishing you?” Steve whispered, sounding absolutely miserable. Even his eyes dimmed and Tony quickly lifted his hands to try and wave the look away.</p>
<p>“No, of course not! You-you’re not like that, I would never-“</p>
<p>“But you’re not wrong Tony.” Steve clenched his jaw and looked away. “That’s what I’ve been doing, purposefully or not. I’ve been punishing you. Making your life miserable.”</p>
<p>“That’s not it.” Tony didn’t want to admit it had felt like that. But Steve hadn’t been in charge of Ben or any of the others.</p>
<p>"I spoke to Carol. She said you called yourself a traitor." Steve said, like he was being forced to choke on marbles.</p>
<p>"I never said that."</p>
<p>"Well apparently you did." Steve sighed. "I don't want you to think of yourself like that. You're not a traitor Tony. We both made mistakes. for instance-"</p>
<p>He turned and looked Tony in the eye. His next words were firm.</p>
<p>"I nearly killed you. When we fought." He said, and paled as he spoke. "I had my shield raised and I was seconds away from doing the one thing I wouldn't have been able to live with. If anything had happened to you because of me-"</p>
<p>"But I was the one who-!" Tony cut himself off when Steve shook his head, and Tony knew Steve had to get whatever it was, off his chest.</p>
<p>"You weren't responsible for my death Tony. It wasn't you, and I'll show you the reports to prove it. Did we fight? Yes. Did we hurt each other? Yes. But that applies to both of us. It was never just your fault. It was both of us." Steve said calmly, but his eyes shon with tears and he looked like he was searching for something desperately. "And I owe you an apology for that." </p>
<p>Tony's mouth felt dry. He opened and closed it a few times, unsure of what to say.</p>
<p>Then it hit him. Steve wanted forgiveness. He'd also been suffering. Maybe he'd also been drowning in the guilt that Tony had been in. Maybe they should've talked earlier.</p>
<p>As it was, Tony could only really think back to one thing.</p>
<p>"Steve." He waited for Steve to look at him and he licked his lips nervously. "Is it true that you only wanted me here because you missed me?"</p>
<p>Steve blinked at him and gave him an odd look. Tony could see the cogs turning before Steve made a decision. </p>
<p>"Yes. I don't know how you found out, but yes."</p>
<p>He couldn't help it. A broad smile spread on his face, so bright that he was sure he looked insane for how happy he was. Like someone had lit a torch in him that had been out for so long. He felt renewed. Alive. </p>
<p>"For the record, I missed you too. In case you didn't notice." He tried not to grin harder when Steve squeezed his arm around him tighter. "And I forgive you. I never really blamed you."</p>
<p>"I know." Steve said quietly and spoke softly. "I forgive you too. I forgave you, the second I saw you again after Norman. I'm sorry for what I said. I was just so angry."</p>
<p>"It's fine. I understand." Tony said quietly too and shook his head, feeling lighter than before. Something felt right again. He had hope that things would get better.</p>
<p>"So when do I get to blow this joint?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>Steve insisted he spend at least a few days in the medbay. Now that they had opened up to the possibility of being closer again, Tony found Steve being around him constantly. Not in a bad way, but more in a 'You're not leaving my sight until you're okay', kind of way. </p>
<p>But after those few days, Steve approached his bed and folded his arms with a knowing grin.</p>
<p>"Wanna go for a walk? I can tell you're already itching for some tech."</p>
<p>Tony couldn't say no. So they spent the day together, going first to Steve's office to talk about just a few things and discuss some of the info they'd gotten from the robot attack, and then carried on that talk on the way to the cafeteria. It took Tony a moment to realize Steve was actually going to spend lunch with him. Just the two of them.</p>
<p>It had been the best meal he'd had since he'd set foot on the Helicarrier. And the heaviest meal.</p>
<p>"I don't think I've had that much since that day we fought Fin-Fang-Foom." Tony laughed, and Steve did too.</p>
<p>"I remember that. I could've eaten a horse that day."</p>
<p>"Lucky you didn't."</p>
<p>"Yeah, Peter would've published that one for sure." Steve tilted his head and his gaze softened. "I've missed you Tony."</p>
<p>Delighted, Tony returned the smile and tilted his head back. "I missed you too." </p>
<p>The day just got better. After their meal, Steve took him down to see the team. After a few bear hugs and some terse apologies from Thor, he sat down to watch the team train and was surprised to find himself agreeing when they asked him to join him when he felt better. Carol was the most relieved when he said yes.</p>
<p>"I'm so glad you're okay Tony." She said quietly and glanced at Steve who was sat by him on the bench. "And you too, Steve."</p>
<p>Tony was a little surprised when Steve gave her a wary look and nodded. </p>
<p>When she'd walked away, Tony had turned to Steve and asked.</p>
<p>"What does she mean by that?"</p>
<p>"You're not the only one who was being reckless. Lets just leave it at that." Steve had admitted quietly, and without thinking, Tony had reached out and grabbed his hand. </p>
<p>Steve had not let go since. Even when other agents had noticed, when they'd entered the cafeteria later for dinner. It was clear Steve didn't care.</p>
<p>Tony had felt the stares. But for once, he was glad. Having attention on him because he was a traitor was one thing. Having it because he was deemed important to Steve, well-</p>
<p>He was selfish enough to admit that he loved it. Had always loved it.</p>
<p>Sadly, like all things the day came to an end, and as planned, Tony and Steve headed back to the research quarters since Tony was well enough to go back and sleep there.</p>
<p>Tony didn't want it to end. He was afraid to admit that he was dreading the morning when he'd no doubt realize it was all a hallucination in his comatose mind. It would be just his luck if that happened.</p>
<p>He didn't want to let go of this. He was so terrified of the prospect of things going back to how it had been before that he almost didn't let go of Steve's hand when they reached the elevator. Luckily, he did and he pressed the button for the lift to go up. It was just like how they first started.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, they reached the research quarters quickly after that, and Tony was greeted by the familiar sight of the cold steel door that no doubt held the people who despised him. </p>
<p>Panic climbed up his throat. He didn't want the day to end. That was completely childish, he knew but the thought of things going back was just-</p>
<p>"Tony? Are you okay?" Steve asked him quietly and when Tony looked up, he saw the concern in Steve's eyes. It was enough to give him strength.</p>
<p>Carefully, he took a deep breath and smiled. "Yeah. I'm okay, I promise. I just-" Tony looked down and mustered up his courage. "It was a good day. A really good day. I guess I'm just afraid that..."</p>
<p>"What? Tony, what?" Steve stepped closer and tipped his chin down. "Tell me."</p>
<p>"I'm afraid that you might get so bored without me tonight. I mean, you can't live without me, I can tell." Tony joked quietly, and hoped Steve didn't notice the tremble in his voice. "So I'm willing to spend another day with you, commander. Since I know you need it."</p>
<p>“Well that’s just great. I'll have to take you up on that Avenger.” Steve teased back and when Tony looked up at him, Steve just gave him a warm smile that was soft around the edges, and just a little happier than before.</p>
<p>“C’mon.” Steve clapped his shoulder and nodded. “Let’s get you back to-“</p>
<p>Then he paused and the smile vanished off his face. Concerned, Tony reached up and tentatively grabbed the hand still on his shoulder. Steve’s fingers latched onto his tightly and didn’t let go.</p>
<p>“Hey, what’s wrong?” Tony asked but Steve just stared past him at the door as if solving some code of his own making. It wasn’t until Steve blinked again, that Tony could heave a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>“No.” Steve said firmly, and straightened up giving Tony a hard look. “You can’t go in there.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Them, it’s not-“ Steve sent the door a look that Tony thought was deadly and somewhat unlike Steve. “You need to be based somewhere else.”</p>
<p>Wary, Tony followed Steve’s gaze and raised a brow. </p>
<p>Then he sighed, and dropped the act.</p>
<p>“There’s no where else for me to go really. And it’s not so bad, I get to do-“</p>
<p>“I know what you’ve been doing. Don’t blame me if I’m a little skeptical.”</p>
<p>”They’re my team.”</p>
<p>At that, Steve just paused and looked at him. Then he slowly shook his head. </p>
<p>“They’re not your team. We all know who your real team is and I’m guessing that’s half the problem.” Steve said firmly, and clasped his hand tightly before pulling him away from the door. </p>
<p>"Come with me." He said and suddenly Tony felt himself being taken back to the commander's quarters. But instead of going to the office, they took a left turn and suddenly-</p>
<p>"These are my quarters. I hope that's okay."</p>
<p>"What-"</p>
<p>Steve pressed his hand to the scanner and then, rather than stepping through, he took their joint hands and pressed Tony's palm flat against the scanner.</p>
<p>The panel scanned it, flashed red and bleeped once. Then a voice spoke up.</p>
<p>"Authorization. Name, Anthony Edward Stark. A.K.A Ironman. Confirm access?"</p>
<p>"Access granted." Steve said clearly and let Tony's hand go. The panel flashed green and Tony glanced at Steve.</p>
<p>"It's registered you. You can come in whenever you need to." Steve explained and when Tony just stared at him in shock, Steve winked and gestured to the room.</p>
<p>"Go on. My home's yours."</p>
<p>"Well that seems kind of ironic. There's a joke in there somewhere." Tony mumbled but didn't argue. The excitement of the day was starting to catch up to him and the bed was looking very tempting.</p>
<p>The room was cozy, and actually looked similar to the room Steve had in the mansion. The king bed lay in the center, and there was a desk with several stacks of paper and some tablets. Bed side tables and lamps kept the room well lit and on the left was two rooms, one, a walk in wardrobe, and the other, an en-suite.</p>
<p>It seemed warm and inviting, and as Tony stepped closer to the bed, he paused.</p>
<p>It was still Steve's room, and while he usually had no issues gate-crashing someone's space, being in Steve's bedroom, alone at night with everything he felt for him-</p>
<p>At the soft click of the door shutting, Tony turned to say this was a bad idea when all of a sudden-</p>
<p>Hands encircled his body and pulled him close. Somehow his head was tucked against Steve’s chest and he could feel the searing heat of Steve’s body against his. And above, he felt-he-</p>
<p>Steve pulled him back ever so gently and looked him over, bringing his hands up to cup Tony’s face. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to Tony’s.</p>
<p>The whole world froze. Tony’s heart stopped. His body felt like it was free-falling and still, all at once. Nothing else mattered but the soft, gentle press of Steve’s lips against his.</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve's kissing me. He's kissing me.</em>
</p>
<p>After Steve pulled back, Tony blinked at him and reached up to circle Steve’s wrists.</p>
<p>For a moment, they just stared at each other, and the soft white light of the lamps reflected off the curves of Steve's face, highlighting the soft, concerned look Steve had as he watched him closely. </p>
<p>”Why?” Tony asked quietly, trying to understand desperately why Steve would-</p>
<p>He was in shock. That was the best way he could describe how he felt.</p>
<p>"I never did tell you why I was angry in the first place. If I'd forgiven you." Steve said quietly, and brushed the hair out his eyes gently, making Tony's cheek burn from the touch. "I thought I owed you an explanation." </p>
<p>This is more than an explanation, Tony thought, but couldn't bring himself to say anything, too mesmerized by the ghost feeling of Steve's lips on his. </p>
<p>"You...You...had feelings for me."</p>
<p>"Have, Tony. Nothing's changed."</p>
<p>"You mean all this time?" Tony looked at him desperately, not sure whether he could dare to hope. "You can't seriously-"</p>
<p>"I do. I have for a long time."</p>
<p>"How long?" Tony challenged, feeling his heart beat out of his chest. </p>
<p>Rationally, he knew. He always knew, how could he not-</p>
<p>"Years Tony."</p>
<p>"Do you know the exact number?"</p>
<p>The look Steve gave him, told him that Steve knew exactly how much, down to the time and date. "Maybe. But I figure it's more fun for you if you figure it out. But lets just say I was the happiest man alive that day. And there were a few surprises."</p>
<p>
  <em>Ah. </em>
</p>
<p>Tony couldn't stop the slow, gleeful smile spreading across his face. "You mean when you saw me in that tiny red thong? Is that when?"</p>
<p>The tense moment shattered instantly. Steve groaned and covered his face with his hand. </p>
<p>"Tony-"</p>
<p>"Is that it? Tell me that's it!" Tony pleaded and couldn't stop himself from leering. The skin under Steve's fingers was starting to go pink. "Was it the thought of what was underneath? Because I promise you, you won't be disappointed."</p>
<p>"Tony-"</p>
<p>"I don't expect anything from you Steve." Tony said quietly, and suddenly all joking vanished as he stepped forward until he was a breath away. "I never expected you to feel anything like that towards me. But I'm glad if you do, even if it's just a fraction of what I feel for you."</p>
<p>Steve's expression turned to steel. "My feelings for you are real Tony. You don't know just how much they mean to me. Just how much I care about you. Sometimes-" Steve shook his head tiredly and looked away. "Sometimes it scares me, just how far you can make me go."</p>
<p>"I'm the same. I'd do anything for you Steve, anything."</p>
<p>Steve eyed him with a look full of dread. "Including kill yourself. You'd hurt yourself if you thought it would make me happy."</p>
<p>Tony had no answer to that. It was the truth and they both knew it. </p>
<p>"Yes. But only because I want you to be happy." Tony sighed and looked down, breaking his gaze. "I just want you to be happy Steve. I never want to hurt you again."</p>
<p>They stood in silence and just watched each other in the dim light. Tony wondered if every relationship was as complicated as theirs. If others had the same dilemma and loved as intensely as they did. </p>
<p>Because that was what they were talking about. Their feelings for each other could be destructive-could drive them to do unspeakable things. But it also acted as a magnet that pulled them together. It joined them and held them still and never let go. </p>
<p>At least, that was how he felt.</p>
<p>"You know how you can make me happy?" Steve said quietly, and Tony glanced at him. "By keeping yourself safe. And looking after yourself. And not putting yourself in danger. It breaks me to see you get hurt. Every time."</p>
<p>"I-"</p>
<p>"How would you feel if I was the one that took three bullets because I thought it would help you?"</p>
<p>Just the thought made Tony's stomach turn. Almost unconsciously he shook his head. </p>
<p>"No, you can't-"</p>
<p>"Neither can you." Steve said, equally firm. "Because it destroys me. You understand? It destroys me to see you hurt. Okay?" Steve met his eyes and Tony had no choice but to concede. He understood. While he couldn't promise, he could try.</p>
<p>Steve cared about him. So he had to be more careful with himself.</p>
<p>"Okay." Tony promised and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry too. I should've seen you were hurting. That's on me." Steve swallowed then looked at him with a fire in his eyes. "Never again."</p>
<p>It felt like a vow. Like Steve was committing to him in a different way. Like they had accepted their past and their feelings and were embracing that. Like they were finally being honest with each other. Like for once they were truly on the same page.</p>
<p>"We should sleep." Steve reminded him gently and nodded towards the bed. "My bed is on offer. We don't need to do anything but Tony, I'd..."</p>
<p>Steve ducked his head down and swallowed, like he was admitting to a dark secret. </p>
<p>"I'd really, really like to hold you. Please."</p>
<p>Tony couldn't even begin to express how much his heart leapt at the words. </p>
<p>"Yes. Of course." Tony said quietly and slowly, almost as if in a daze, they both inched closer.</p>
<p>Steve's lips pressed against his again. His arms circled him once more, holding him by his waist. Slowly, one hand traced up to his neck and pulled him closer, making him moan softly in Steve's mouth. In answer, Steve pulled him closer and kept kissing him like a man starved of oxygen. </p>
<p>Only then he pulled back with a soft gasp and took a deep breath. Tony struggled to gather his thoughts while Steve looked at him and shook his head.</p>
<p>"Not like this. If we're doing this, it has to be slow. This is our first time." Steve said and warmth bloomed in Tony's chest.</p>
<p><em>Our first time</em>. Like there would be more to come. Like this was special to them-</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve cares about me. He-</em>
</p>
<p>"God, Tony-" Steve whispered and hugged him close.</p>
<p>
  <em>He might even love me. </em>
</p>
<p>The realization made him groan and the sheer feeling of Steve beginning to lavish him with kisses made him dizzy. It took everything in him not to beg for more.</p>
<p>Thankfully Steve was doing all the thinking for both of them. Such a gentlemen.</p>
<p>"I'm going to take your uniform off. Is that okay?"</p>
<p>"Y-yes."</p>
<p>"If there's anything you don't want, you tell me okay? We go as far as you want this to go. And if that means stopping here-"</p>
<p>"God please, don't stop-" Tony gasped when Steve tangled his hand in his hair and guided his head back to expose his neck. Then Steve pressed soft kisses to his throat, like he didn't want to leave any inch of Tony unmarked. Every touch Steve left felt like a burning mark on his skin that sunk deep into his bones and straight through to his core. No part of him would ever be the same after this.</p>
<p>No one would ever make him feel the way Steve did. </p>
<p>"Uniform's coming off, Tony." Steve breathed into his skin and before Tony could do more, Steve gripped the zipper at the hollow of his neck and pulled down sharply.</p>
<p>Tony heard the sharp sound of tearing. The uniform lay in tatters on the floor.</p>
<p>"Oh, wow." Tony breathed and panted at the sight. Steve had just torn his suit off him with one hand, leaving him in nothing but the white boots that were made for him. Even the straps had come away.</p>
<p>And the body suits were designed for going commando.</p>
<p>"That was amazing." Tony swallowed thickly, watching as Steve stripped fully, too quickly in his opinion and then gasped when Steve picked him up by his waist and lay him back on the bed gently. When he pulled away, Tony saw him pause and stare at his waist.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>"I'm okay." Tony promised and tried not to wince when Steve took a shuddery breath. </p>
<p>The white bandages around his waist were prominent. Easy as it was to forget around Steve, he was still injured and he needed to be careful otherwise he'd pull his stitches. </p>
<p>But he didn't want to stop.</p>
<p>"Steve. Don't stop, please." </p>
<p>"I don't want to hurt you." Steve sounded strangled as he rubbed his hand gently over Tony's chest. His eyes kept lingering over the bandages. </p>
<p>It was hard to explain to Steve that it genuinely did not hurt without sounding like he was lying. Sure it stung when he shifted a certain way but Steve was a big enough distraction from the pain. They just had to be careful, otherwise it was fine.</p>
<p>"I'll tell you if it hurts." Tony suggested, and thankfully Steve looked up at him hopefully. </p>
<p>"You swear?" Steve urged him and leaned over him, bringing his hands on either side of Tony's head. "You'll make sure I don't hurt you?"</p>
<p>"I promise." Tony smiled and shifted a little under Steve's heated gaze. "I'm all yours commander."</p>
<p>The sound that came out of Steve's mouth was almost a growl, and determined, he went for Tony's neck again. With a groan, Tony reached up and sunk his fingers into Steve's hair, tugging sharply when Steve pressed his lips under his jaw.</p>
<p>"Oh g-god-"</p>
<p>"You just relax Tony. I'll take good care of you." He murmured and his lips started to drift lower, while his hands began to trace over Tony's stomach gently, just below the bandages. Steve was careful not to touch them.</p>
<p>His hands felt hot against Tony's stomach and Tony struggled to do more than shiver under Steve since Steve was using his strength to keep him in place. It was sinfully good, like coming close to something you know you shouldn't, or playing with fire when you know you're going to get burned.</p>
<p>But Steve wasn't fire, or pain or something forbidden anymore. Steve was here with him, and he could feel everything, from the hot press of Steve's lips against his skin, to the scorching heat of Steve's hands as they pressed into his skin.</p>
<p>Suddenly it hit Tony. They could have this. He could have Steve like this and if he was lucky, he could keep living like this and be happy.</p>
<p>He was happy. So overwhelmingly happy that it brought tears to his eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh god-</em>
</p>
<p>"Tony?" Steve stopped instantly when he heard him sniff. Then he froze and pushed himself up to check.</p>
<p>"Tony, what's wrong?" Steve asked quickly, and began to panic when tears started to leak out of Tony's eyes. "Oh god, did I hurt you? Tell me I didn't-"</p>
<p>"I'm not hurt." Tony croaked and couldn't help but laugh softly as the tears fell. "I'm happy. I'm actually happy for once."</p>
<p>All at once, Steve's expression grew sad. But not surprised. </p>
<p>"Oh Tony..."</p>
<p>"I didn't think I had a chance. Now we're here and you-" Tony laughed again and didn't stop Steve from wiping his cheeks gently. "You want this with me. It's just a lot to take in."</p>
<p>He didn't say more. He didn't need to. He just knew that Steve understood. </p>
<p>Steve was looking at him with a soft smile. His own eyes were starting to glisten. </p>
<p>"I'm so lucky to have you Tony. I can't tell you how much I've wanted you here, by my side."</p>
<p>They kissed again at that. The world narrowed to that single point where Steve's mouth met his, and all he could focus on was the sweet taste of Steve's mouth on his, and the slow warm heat that was coiling in his belly. </p>
<p>His cock was hard and heavy by the time Steve pulled away. His head spun a little from the firm line of heat coming from where Steve's body was pressing against his. </p>
<p>Once, he'd imagined a sparring session would end up with him pinned under Steve. And Steve would hold him and maybe tease him and Tony would hold onto that image like a lifeline.</p>
<p>This was so different. It was so much better than he could've ever imagined as nothing could've prepared him for the sheer tenderness Steve would have when he touched him. His hands continued to slide down, and slowly, Steve sat up and wrapped his hands around Tony's calves, taking his time to undo the straps and zips of his boots and slide them off, giving his shins a gentle squeeze before lowering his legs back to the bed and leaning over him again. This time his hands framed Tony's neck and he guided them into another slow sweet kiss.</p>
<p>When they pulled away, Tony laughed a little, causing Steve to eye him suspiciously.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"My boots. I'd totally forgotten about them. I would've just let you carry on with them on." Tony explained and chuckled softly at the image. His first time with Steve and he'd be wearing Shield issued white boots. Who'd have thought?</p>
<p>"Don't underestimate the power of a good boot." Steve murmured softly, and shifted slowly so that he was lower down Tony's body. "There's plenty they can do."</p>
<p>"What?" Tony panted, and shifted when Steve pressed his lips to his navel and started to move lower.</p>
<p>"Remind me to show you sometime." Steve breathed against his skin and without wasting another minute, wrapped his lips around the tip of his cock.</p>
<p>Tony gasped and threw his head back. The heat was searing and Steve's mouth-</p>
<p>"Steve!"</p>
<p>Steve moaned and continued to go further, enveloping Tony like he was a gift. The thought made blood rush to his ears and through the stars in his eyes, he saw Steve looking up at him, watching his every reaction, like Tony was all that mattered.</p>
<p>Tony had always figured that he would be the one to go down on Steve first. It never once occurred to him that Steve would want to do the same for him, let alone make him cum first.</p>
<p>"I-" Tony could barely breathe, barely think, his mind was swirling and he was drowning in it. The pleasure, the pure sensations on his skin-</p>
<p>With a sharp cry, he came hard, feeling his body shatter, unlike anything he'd ever felt before. He felt dizzy and empty and yet strangely complete, like he'd reached the highest point he could ever reach. Steve had taken him there, and guided him to it, and had given it to him. Their first experience. And Steve had dedicated it to him.</p>
<p>Tony had never been happier. Never.</p>
<p>"S-Steve..." He whispered, and reached blindly for him, feeling a soft damp cloth press against his belly gently. He thought he felt Steve's fingers trace the bandages too, being careful as they did. </p>
<p>"Shhh I'm here Tony, are you alright?"</p>
<p>"Mmhmm." Tony smiled tiredly and pressed a kiss to Steve's lips when he leaned closer. "That w's amazing."</p>
<p>"I'm glad." Steve said softly and when he opened his eyes, he saw Steve looking at him with a tender expression.</p>
<p>"You're okay, I think that's enough tonight. Get some rest." </p>
<p>Tony's eyes fell shut and he smiled. It had been the best experience he'd ever had.</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When morning came, Tony came to slowly and registered several things. He was in a huge bed, fully naked with arms curled tight around him. And along his back was a firm chest and a familiar body.</p><p>Tony blinked open his eyes slowly and let his mind wake up.</p><p>He was in Steve's bed and they'd spent the day together. Then later, Steve had invited him in and they'd talked and-</p><p>
  <em>Oh god.</em>
</p><p>Sucking in a sharp breath, Tony twisted his head round and stared. The sight of Steve snoring softly with his eyes closed made Tony start.</p><p>
  <em>Shit. Shitshitshitshit-</em>
</p><p>He'd slept with Steve. He'd <em>slept with Steve.</em></p><p>He had to get out. He had to leave before-</p><p>"Mhhmm Tony?" Steve mumbled behind him and shifted closer. "Are you up?"</p><p>This was bad, it was so unbelievably bad-what had he been <em>thinking-</em></p><p>In response to Tony's stunned silence, Steve buried his face in the back of Tony's neck and pulled him closer, seeming to enjoy the warmth.</p><p>"Mhmm. You smell good." Steve said against his neck and huffed before lifting his head and squinting when Tony looked up at him.</p><p>"Did you have a good sleep?" Steve asked quietly and Tony knew this was his only chance.</p><p>"I need to go." Tony said quickly and tried to pull away. Tried being the key word since Steve's grip turned to iron the moment he spoke.</p><p>"No way. You're not leaving yet. We haven't had breakfast yet." Steve whined quietly and Tony's heart broke at the tone. Sleepy Steve was a whole other being the world didn't know about yet.</p><p>"Let go of me, Steve." Tony demanded, and like he'd been burned, he let go of Tony and pulled back sharply. As soon as Tony sat up, he did too, all traces of drowsiness gone.</p><p>"Tony, what's wrong?" Steve asked urgently, and went pale when he saw Tony try to get out of the bed.</p><p>”Tony!”</p><p>It was a mistake. the second he pushed himself out, his vision spun and his head felt light. If Steve hadn't caught him, he would've fainted.</p><p>"Okay. Take a deep breath for me." Tony distantly heard him say and just as he did as he was told, he was pulled back into the bed and made to lean against the pillows. He felt hands trace his torso carefully and press just under his neck for a minute.</p><p>Taking a minute to get his breath back, Tony opened his eyes and saw Steve checking him over carefully. Luckily Steve looked relieved.</p><p>"Don't you ever get up like that again." Steve heaved a sigh of relief and slid back into his place, running a hand through his hair as he did. "You scared the living daylights out of me."</p><p>"Sorry." Tony murmured and looked at the ceiling tiredly. "Guess I'm not quite there yet."</p><p>Steve looked at him carefully. Then his mouth parted and his lips fell.</p><p>"I know that look." Steve said dully. "This is the part where you tell me you regret last night, and that we shouldn't have done it, or that you shouldn't have enjoyed it."</p><p>It hurt that Steve knew exactly what he was thinking. He hated that more than he could say.</p><p>“God Steve, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Tony heaved, and pushed himself up on shaking hands until he was bending forward over the duvet and feeling his stomach twist. He was nauseous and hot and felt like the world’s worst person for what he’d done. He’d tainted Steve. He’d ruined him all because he was so desperate for his love, even if it was only for his body-</p><p>
  <em>You ruin everything you touch Stark. It’s like just having you around is a problem.</em>
</p><p>“Tony!” Steve bolted up from his positioned and instantly reached for Tony’s neck, pulling him up to have a look at him. To his complete horror, he started cry.</p><p>“Sorry.” Tony croaked, feeling a sickening ache settle in his heart. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize!” Steve hissed, and to his horror, Steve started to blink rapidly too.</p><p>“God, don’t-don’t cry Tony. Please, I can’t, not with everything we've discussed.” Steve swallowed, cupping his mouth desperately. “Seeing you like this, it destroys me, I told you.”</p><p>“God...” Tony whispered and tried not to feel too sick. “Please don’t be upset. I can’t-Steve I cant-“</p><p>“Then you know how I feel.” Steve said firmly and they reached a stalemate. Tony still felt like he’d taken advantage of him, even if he didn’t know it.</p><p>“I took advantage of you.” He admitted shamefully. “I-“</p><p>“Tony, I’m the one who pushed you. If anything, I took advantage of you.” Steve said incredulously but then his jaw went slack. “Did I take advantage of you?”</p><p>“No! Never!” Tony could never let him think that. He’d loved every second with Steve.</p><p>“Then why?” Steve turned and looked at him with a wounded expression. “Why are you saying that?”</p><p>“I just…” It was hard to admit it but it was the truth. He owed it to Steve to be honest.</p><p>“You’ve never had an interest in me before. Now suddenly you want all of this? I just don’t get it.”</p><p>The words felt heavy as he spoke, and tentatively he looked up to gauge Steve’s reaction. To his surprise, Steve’s shoulders relaxed and he narrowed his eyes shrewdly.</p><p>
  <em>I know that look.</em>
</p><p>“You know your uniform?”</p><p>Reluctantly, Tony glanced at the floor and began to mourn the pile of clothes. His black body suit and Steve’s blue one were lying across the floor, completely intertwined and no doubt wrinkled. “You mean the one you ripped last night?”</p><p>“Yes, that one.” Steve winced but then sighed. He turned to Tony and smiled.</p><p>“When I saw you in it for the first time, I got so hard, I had to keep facing you. I couldn’t turn around because I was worried the agents would notice.”</p><p>Tony was sure his mouth was hanging open. What?</p><p>“You mean when I got off the helicopter!?”</p><p>“Yup.” Steve grinned and glanced at the pile too. Dumbfounded, Tony did the same, as if that would offer some explanation. “That’s why I was so angry. I had to hurry you up, otherwise you’d notice.”</p><p>“Oh.” Tony remembered that. He’d just never thought Steve would pop a boner for him.</p><p>It was...flattering. It also made him feel a lot better.</p><p>“So you’ve always felt attracted to me?”</p><p>“It’s not taking advantage if the person wants it more than you do.”</p><p>He bit his lip and flicked his eyes up at Steve. “Thanks.”</p><p>Steve looked like he was barely containing a laugh. A slow grin spread across his face and he leaned closer. Instead of feeling crowded, Tony felt so warm and subtly he shifted closer to Steve.</p><p>“Thanks for finding you attractive? Or thanks for telling you to hurry up?”</p><p>“Not sure. I guess you should’ve let me see.” Tony cheeked, and sucked in his breath when Steve cupped a hand around his neck and leaned even closer.</p><p>“Should’ve let you see? Smart fella like you would never have let it go.”</p><p>“Such a shame I had to though.” He sighed loudly and tried not to smile too hard when Steve raised his brow.</p><p>“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He murmured and pressed his lips to Tony’s, tasting, feeling, holding him in place-</p><p>Steve was everything. This was everything.</p><p>“Mmm. That’s nice. You should...you should definitely do that again.” Tony hummed as Steve pulled away, feeling the moisture on his lips cool. A part of him wondered how Steve felt about leaving his mark on him. Tony certainly didn’t have any qualms.</p><p>“I should. Maybe you should stay here with me from now on.” Steve sighed dreamily but then his gaze sharpened and he frowned. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.”</p><p>"Steve?" Tony called out when Steve reached out for his phone and began to tap a number into the screen. Maria Hill appeared on the screen.</p><p>"You should stay here. I'm serious Tony." He insisted, ignoring Tony's wide eyes. "It's better. You get to relax in your own space and I get to keep an eye on you and make sure you're okay."</p><p>Steve nodded to himself and didn't give Tony a chance to say anything else. </p><p>For once, Tony didn't mind. He was happy to let Steve give the orders.</p><hr/><p>So Tony started spending the next few days in Steve’s bedroom. Or his old one, as Steve pointed out. Director, Commander, it was all the same.</p><p>Tony could feel himself getting his energy back. Slow and steady he was starting to feel more like himself. Better than he had in a long time.</p><p>While Steve was in a meeting with the department investigating the robots, Tony decided to test his luck and head back to the research team quarters. His stuff was still in the locker in that corner of the sleeping area and he couldn’t keep borrowing Steve’s clothes.</p><p>“I’ve ordered some more bodysuits for you. Just in case.”</p><p>”Or you could just order me two body suits and get me some normal clothes. I don’t always need to look like a good little soldier.”</p><p>”Yes you do. I love it when you wear it. Drives me crazy.”</p><p>Needless to say, that conversation had ended with a long make out session and Tony having to fight for Steve’s sweatpants. Thankfully, he'd won. </p><p>Zipping up his hoodie (Steve’s dark blue hoodie), he pulled on his boots and slipped out of Steve’s room. </p><p>The corridors were quiet because it was eleven in the afternoon. Steve would be done soon so Tony wanted to get his stuff quickly and be done with it.</p><p>Approaching the lift, he pressed the button and smiled at the group of agents who gawked at his outfit. He knew it was odd but he would’ve thought they’d have seen someone wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, at least once in their lives. Okay, the boots were weird but that wasn’t his fault. Steve had an obsession with them and his other shoes were in the locker.</p><p>The agents continued to eye him carefully, giving him weird looks.</p><p>"What? You never seen an ex-billionaire before?"</p><p>The agents mumbled amongst themselves and Tony looked away. Good riddance.</p><p>At the next stop, the group of agents swarmed out but not before a woman stopped and turned to him at the door. Her eyes lingered over him carefully and that's when it occurred to him.</p><p>It was the woman who'd asked him to sit at the table all those weeks ago. One of the few people who hadn't sworn at him, or mocked him for his recent failures.</p><p>"Are you alright?" She asked quietly, and ducked her head down slightly. "I hear you've taken a leave of absence from the team."</p><p>"Yeah. I guess Steve-the commander must've filled it out for me." Tony replied and stuck his hands in the hoodie pockets. "Just a little break. Nothing to worry about."</p><p>For a moment, she didn't say anything. But then her brown eyes sought his and they were full of sorrow.</p><p>"I'm sorry I didn't say anything that day. I should've said-"</p><p>"It's not your fault. I get it, trust me." Tony laughed and shook his head tiredly. "You can't be liked by everyone."</p><p>The woman didn't say anything else. Instead she glanced at him and bit her lip. Then she turned and quickly left.</p><p>Still. It was nice of her to ask. He hadn't expected anyone to actually take to him. Although she just seemed like a decent person so maybe it had nothing to do with him.</p><p>The lift kept going until he reached the quarters. Luckily no one was around and so he walked straight through the living area, and set his eyes on his bunk bed.</p><p>He took a few moments to gather his things. Methodically, he put his clothes on one side of his suitcase, and his shoes on the other. But as he swept his hand under the bed, his hand scraped against something sharp. </p><p>Glass.</p><p>Frowning, he carefully knelt on the floor, trying not to make a sound when his stitches tugged sharply. He made a mental note to never get shot again.</p><p>As his hand grazed over tiny shards, he realized with a sinking feeling that he knew what it was, and he discovered he was right when his hand brushed against a familiar frame.</p><p>With shaky hands, he pulled out the frame from under the bed and stared at the broken picture frame in his hands. Under the fractured glass was the picture of him and Steve and the others, but it looked as though someone had taken it and smashed it against the ground.</p><p>His lips felt dry and his mind spun. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.</p><p>With a heavy heart, Tony put his hand on the bed and pulled himself up, feeling the cool frame shift in his other hand. The frame was split too. It was just pure luck that the picture inside was just slightly bent. But the intention was clear.</p><p>"Stark. What the hell are you doing here?" He heard, and closed his eyes and smiled.</p><p>"Hey team." Tony grinned, and turned around to face Ben and a small group of his friends. Trish and Sam had joined him too. "Long time no see."</p><p>Ben was stood in-front, and scowling, but when he met Tony's eyes he faltered. Maybe because he could see how livid he was.</p><p>Tony was gonna kill him. He was gonna kill him.</p><p>"I didn't realize team-mates were allowed to go through each others things." Tony said warmly and felt the glass screech in his hand. "How about I go raid through your stuff? Or better yet, those blue prints you pretend to do."</p><p>Then Tony cleared his throat and addressed the whole room. "Or maybe I should go through all of your things. Maybe wake you all up at five in the morning, or blank you when you greet me? Or better yet, why don't I just tell you what I think of you? Each and every one of you."</p><p>"You're crazy Stark." Ben murmured, but jolted when Tony began to laugh hysterically. </p><p>"Stark, this isn't funny-"</p><p>"How about you stop being an asshole and stop making my life hell, and instead go back to whichever little shithole you came out of, hmm? How does that sound?" Tony said manically and felt his eyes fall to the picture again. It was fitting.</p><p>Tony continued to laugh until he couldn't anymore. Until he ran out of both breath and patience. When he lifted his head back up, everyone shifted back.</p><p>"What? Nothing to say Ben? How about you Trish? No?"</p><p>Tony scoffed and tossed the shattered frame into his open suitcase. He almost felt sorry for them. They were trying desperately to break him when he was already broken. There was no difference between him and the picture.</p><p>"I hope you're all happy. With any luck, you won't see me again." He said, and ignoring the way their mouths hung open, he turned around and went back to his packing.</p><p>After a pause, he heard Ben stutter and looked up. The man was red-in-the face. </p><p>"How dare you act like you're any better than us!? When you waltzed in here like you own the place?" Ben snarled and stormed up to him, jerking a finger at him viciously. Instinctively, Tony tensed, mentally bracing for a fight.</p><p>"You think you're so high and mighty!? How can you think that when everyone here knows you're a traitor!? Or better yet, a whore since you're fucking Captain America-"</p><p>The arm swung out of nowhere. Tony stopped. The team stopped. Everyone stopped.</p><p>Ben was on the floor clutching at his cheek and whimpering. Steve was standing between them, looking seconds away from murdering someone.</p><p>"You wanna say that again pal?" Steve said through grit teeth, and clenched his bloodied fist tightly and that was when Tony noticed Ben's nose had broken.</p><p>"How about the rest of you? Anything to say?" Steve demanded and even Tony felt concerned. Steve sounded deadly. </p><p>The room fell silent except for Ben's heavy breathing. No one dared move.</p><p>Finally Steve spoke, but not before tightly gripping Tony's arm. His knuckles were white under the fingerless gloves, and the squeezed tighter when Steve saw the picture.</p><p>"Anyone talks to Agent Stark like that again, and we're gonna have issues. You understand?"</p><p>Wordlessly they nodded. Steve's gaze darkened and he jerked his head at the door.</p><p>"Good. Now get out."</p><p>And just like that they scurried away, like mice set free from a death-trap, leaving Tony to stare at Steve in awe.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Steve asked quietly, turning around to check him carefully. </p><p>"I'm fine." Tony said and blinked once before scowling. "You didn't have to do that. I don't need you to be a knight in shining armor." </p><p>"I know. But I can't let people say things like that to you."</p><p>"It's not like I haven't heard it before." Tony mumbled and startled when Steve's hand brushed against his and reached out to grab some clothes. Wordlessly, Steve began to help him pack and Tony let him.</p><p>After a while, Steve spoke up.</p><p>"It's things like this that got you into this mess." He said quietly, folding one of Tony's shirts neatly. "Why didn't you say anything?"</p><p>
  <em>You wouldn't have listened.</em>
</p><p>"I don't know. Doesn't matter though, it's done." He pointed out, and snatched the shirt out of Steve's hand quickly. "Let's just leave it."</p><p>"Tony..."</p><p>"How do you expect me to feel, Steve? Ironman can't even handle a couple of Shield agents. What would everyone think?"</p><p>"That you're human." Steve's eyes glistened as he spoke. "And that you deserve some kindness too."</p><p>"That's the hard part. Most people don't see things your way."</p><p>"I know. That needs to change."</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>True to his word, Tony found that things did change. For the rest of the week, he spent a lot of time with Steve and occasionally met with the team for meals.</p><p>Not the research team. The Avengers.</p><p>They’d been very welcoming since the attack on the top deck. Or at least he was noticing it more. Even Thor seemed to be warming up to him again.</p><p>But then, two weeks into his break, Tony got a message from Steve saying he had to go take care of Shield business and would need to leave the Helicarrier for some time.</p><p>Tony didn’t like the sound of that.</p><p>So naturally, he’d stormed his way to the Commander’s office and barged in without pause, making both Steve and Maria look up sharply.</p><p>“Well.” Tony said dryly and folded his arms. “This is awkward.”</p><p>Steve had a pinched expression on his face. Slowly he put down his sheets and leaned back in his seat. “Tony-“</p><p>“You can’t just say you’re leaving and not say why.” Tony explained, resisting the urge to grab Steve and shake him. How did he need to stand here and explain why Steve shouldn’t leave?</p><p>They’d only just started talking after all. About the SHRA and everything.</p><p>Tony had learned that Steve had regretted what had happened and was only lashing out because he was frustrated. He’d learned that maybe he wasn’t the only one who had struggled to accept that he’d nearly killed his best friend.</p><p>He’d also learned that Steve had enough strength to lift up a fully built adult male and hold him up against the wall with just one hand. </p><p>“I need to go. I know it’s a bad time-“</p><p>“Take me with you.” Tony demanded and Steve stared at him like he’d grown two extra hands. Even Maria was stunned.</p><p>“No way.” Steve said after a moment and shook his head, and even Maria scoffed. “You’re not coming.”</p><p>“I know why you’re going, I know it’s got something to do with that robot attack. It’s a fight you’re heading to. I want in.”</p><p>“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go. You’re still recovering and if something happened-“</p><p>“I’ll wear the armor-“</p><p>“Not good enough.” Steve shook his head. “You’re not going. And that’s an order.”</p><p>Gritting his teeth, Tony clenched his fist and stood his ground. </p><p>“You shouldn’t push me out. I know you’re going after the robot lead, I can help you-“</p><p>“LIKE HELL YOU WILL!” Steve roared and slammed his fist on the desk, making both Maria and Tony jump. “IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU AGAIN I’LL-“</p><p>Steve stopped and took a deep breath. Tony’s heart raced but not with fear. It was something else he couldn’t explain.</p><p>“Sorry.” Steve looked away. “You’re not going. You need to rest.”</p><p>Hesitantly, Tony held up a hand and stepped forward. “Steve...”</p><p>“I should go.” Maria mumbled, and quickly gathered a stack of sheets and left the room. Tony didn’t take his eyes off Steve, not even for a second.</p><p>After a brief moment of silence, Tony dropped his hand and sighed. “You know I can handle myself right?”</p><p>“I know. Doesn’t mean you should be out on the field right now.” </p><p>Steve still wouldn’t face him.</p><p><em>A compromise. Find a compromise</em>.</p><p>“How about I work with the strike unit here? Like I said, I can help.”</p><p>“I’d prefer it if you rested instead.” </p><p>“Let me help, Winghead.” Tony insisted and placed both of his palms flat on the table to lean on it and bend closer. “I hear I’m good at this sort of thing.”</p><p>Noting the closeness, Steve looked up and met Tony’s eyes. Then he raked over Tony carefully and his gaze softened and his lips quirked up.</p><p>With a soft smile, rested his chin on his fist and used his other hand to beckon Tony closer. With a frown, Tony did and then-</p><p>Steve pulled him down by his neck and kissed him. His mouth pressed against his desperately like he was searching for something. Comfort? <em>Someone close?</em></p><p>Tony moaned when Steve’s tongue slipped into his mouth. He’d never get tired of this. Ever.</p><p>Too soon Steve pulled away but didn’t let go of him and instead just looked at him with a trace of fear in his eyes. But there was a brightness to them that showed how happy he was too.</p><p>Tony almost said it then. The thing he hadn’t told Steve yet.</p><p>“Okay Shellhead. You can work with me from here. But please, please don’t come following me.”</p><p>“I won’t. For once I won’t ask too much and do as I’m told.” Tony grinned at Steve’s raised brow, and brought Steve’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his palm. “Promise, commander.”</p><hr/><p>“All eyes on target. Coordinates in place. Commander en route.”</p><p>“Confirm target?”</p><p>“Confirmed.”</p><p>Watching from behind, Tony folded his arms and looked around briefly. Steve had just started to get to the base which meant that Tony was able to watch Steve’s location on the huge holo screen at the front of the room.</p><p>It was apparently the main command deck that Tony had only really seen once or twice before, though he was told he’d spent plenty of time in it when he was director. He’d seen some of the agents eyeing him curiously as he’d walked in, and he’s overheard someone mention something about <em>‘the director on deck’</em>. Since he was back in uniform, it made sense.</p><p>Sometimes he wondered how he’d been as director. He didn’t think it would’ve been something he’d enjoyed but Steve and Maria had been clear about how tough the job was, and had showed him past reports.</p><p>He’d not been the best. But maybe not the worst either.</p><p>“Agent Stark, you requested access?”</p><p>Shaken from his thoughts, he looked up and nodded. His eyes were fixed on the blinking red dot that highlighted Steve’s position.</p><p>“Sir?” The agent prodding him (<em>Andrew,</em> his mind supplied) asked, and he quickly shook his head.</p><p>“Yes, thank you.”</p><p>The agent got out of the seat and gestured for him to sit. Once he was sat down, he picked up the headphones and slipped them over his ears, bringing the mic into position in front of his lips. Then he closed his eyes and spoke into it.</p><p>“Cap? Do you copy?”</p><p>“Tony.” He heard in his ear and couldn’t help but let out the breath he’d been holding. “I hear you load and clear.”</p><p>“Perfect. You have eyes on the target?”</p><p>“We’re approaching the base.” There was a pause and Tony opened his eyes and watched the red dot move. “No trouble yet.”</p><p>“We don’t expect any. Yet.” Tony glanced at the agents around him before lowering his voice. “Those robots...you’re sure you know what you’re doing?”</p><p>“I know Tony, I’ve got this. Don’t worry, this will be quick.”</p><p>Famous last words, Tony recalled someone saying to him once, and felt a shiver run down his spine.</p><p>“You’re sticking to the plan?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>They’d discussed it last night. What exactly Steve was doing and who he was taking. Apparently the investigations department had collected various pieces of the robots and had taken them apart to uncover camera footage from each case. And the result had been pretty worrying.</p><p>Tony had almost fought with Steve because he refused to tell him. For his safety. That was the biggest clue.</p><p>“You sure they’re after me?” Tony covered his hand over the mic and dipped his face down. “I’d hate to disappoint them you know.”</p><p>“I do know. And I’m sure, I saw the footage.” He could hear Steve scowling. “I’m firing that guy. The one in research. He’s the reason you got hurt.”</p><p>“Steve.” Tony groaned, pressing his head up to his hand and leaned back in the chair. They’d been through this already. “He didn’t do anything and besides, he’s in research. That’s basically the equivalent of a civilian. He was scared.”</p><p>“He also blackmailed you to put on the suit by using your relationship with me. And he insulted you, and he claimed all your designs. Which I did notice by the way.”</p><p>Tony sat up. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Those designs you kept bringing. It’s your work. Anyone who’s seen you work can tell.” Steve was smiling as he said it. “Good job Shellhead.”</p><p>It was hard not to smile when he heard that. </p><p>“Thanks Winghead.” Tony replied, and looked at the screen again. The red dot had stopped. “You in position?”</p><p>“Just reached now.” Tony heard Steve frown before he even spoke. “It’s empty. No heat signatures, nothing.”</p><p>“You sure it’s the right lead?” </p><p>“Definitely. The head of department showed me the logo and it matches this warehouse.”</p><p>“Hmm.” Tony tapped the screen in front of him and swiped the map aside, pulling up the folder with the mission report. They had the right location and everything tied up.</p><p>While he could hear Steve ordering his men to scour the area, he tapped open the details from the investigations as well as some of the camera footage again.</p><p>The camera footage showed nothing, and other than a few separate docs attached to the detailed report, there was nothing.</p><p>“Why were the investigations team so sure it was this warehouse?” Tony asked and squinted at the screen. “There’s hardly anything on here.”</p><p>“Mr Stark.” Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around to see. It was the agent next to him. “The analysis is here.” The agent (a young man with a high pitched voice) said, and tapped at his own screen lightly. “It was added after the machines were disassembled.”</p><p>Nodding his thanks, Tony went back to his screen and looked through the analysis carefully. He scanned each paragraph of the document and tried to work out what it was they’d missed.</p><p>“Still not found anything?” Tony checked.</p><p>“No. Still searching.” He heard over some shuffling. </p><p>He began to read the specifics and much like everyone else, didn’t find anything that could point to a missed lead. Everything tied up. They’d taken the pieces of these robots and followed digital trails to find the source of manufacture and all routes pointed to this warehouse and recent reports still confirmed that several men and women had been entering and leaving the building. Following the timings, Tony could see that several of these workers should have been in the warehouse at this time and on this day.</p><p>“It doesn’t make sense.” He mumbled and heard Steve laugh breathlessly.</p><p>“Definitely not. But I think I’ve found something.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“This is definitely where they made them. I’ll send you a shot.”</p><p>A message came through on the screen within seconds and Tony pulled it up and yup, those were definitely the robots.</p><p>But these ones were slightly bulkier. And weren’t in pieces.</p><p>“Steve.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>Tony’s heart started to speed up when he heard Steve suck in a breath. Steve was gearing up for a fight and Tony was starting to get the feeling that something was going to happen.</p><p>Something bad. Something <em>really</em> bad.</p><p>
  <em>Why would the team get this wrong? It can’t be them.</em>
</p><p>“Something doesn’t add up.” He heard himself whisper and he pulled up the initial files to start going through them again.</p><p>
  <em>Someone should be there. The reports are right, some of the attackers should be there. We’re missing something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why would they not turn up now? Unless they have inside information, there’s no way they’d know Steve was coming. And with new robots being made, it can’t even be that they’ve shifted.</em>
</p><p>“Stay away from the robots.”</p><p>“I know.” The mic crackled in his ear, sounding jarring, and Tony swore he could hear the blood roaring in his ears. </p><p>Quickly turning, he faced the agents in the room and called out sharply;</p><p>“Does anyone have eyes on the Helicarrier defense? Any signs of attack?”</p><p>Everyone slowed down and stared at him. The silence in the room was heavy.</p><p>He knew everyone started to panic then but one of the agents in the middle row started to contact one of the other departments. The others walked faster to their stations and schooled their expression, and all joking and chatter stopped completely. </p><p>He could see the stress on everyone’s faces. In the tension on their shoulders and the clenches of their jaws. These people were starting to worry too.</p><p>“Sir, there’s no news from the viewing deck or defense. No signs of any imminent attacks or threats to the Helicarrier.”</p><p><em>Okay so not that.</em> Tony ran his fingers through his hair and blew out a breath. What were they missing?</p><p>“Sir, the commanders com has been disrupted. We can’t hear him.”</p><p>Heart racing, Tony swore and turned to the agent on his left, who’d been carefully watching the flashing dot with him. Andrew. His name was <em>Andrew</em>.</p><p>“Can we get it back up?” Tony asked and felt his stomach twist anxiously when Andrew shook his head.</p><p>“We’re gonna try. But it looks like everyone’s gone dark.”</p><p>Anxiety rising, Tony pulled on his mic and gave it a try.</p><p>“Commander, can you hear me?”</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>“Cap. Winghead.” He knew all eyes were watching him now but he didn’t have time to hide pet names. Steve wasn’t answering. He wasn’t answering.</p><p>“Steve, answer me.” And of course, there was nothing. </p><p>Sometimes he hated being right. Steve should’ve listened. He should’ve gone with them.</p><p>Yanking off the headset, Tony turned to the agents along the center desk and began to call orders. They had to move, fast.</p><p>“Get Agent Hill online and get an update from them. They should be able to give us visuals on what’s going on down there while we get the coms back online.” He ordered, pushing himself up from the chair.</p><p>“Sir, where are you going?” Andrew asked when he started to walk towards the door. </p><p>“Isn’t it obvious?” Tony said through grit teeth. He’d stood up too fast and his stitches throbbed. “I’m going down there to find out what’s happened.”</p><p>Several agents started to mumble and some of them stopped him at the door.</p><p>“Sir, the commander ordered us to make sure you stay here-“</p><p>“Did he also tell you not to send backup in case something went wrong?”</p><p>“No-“</p><p>“Good.” Tony said in an icy tone that forced the Shield agents to step back. “Because I’m backup. Now<em> move.</em>”</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donning the role of Ironman again was a strange feeling. When he’d put on the suit during the attack, he’d done it because of the guilt and fear that something would happen, but also because someone had pushed him to make that first step, even if it hadn’t been with his best intentions in mind.</p><p>Now he’d chosen to put it on. He’d chosen to wear the suit again after months of not coming near it. He owed so much but this had been his choice, always.</p><p>
  <em>Steve, you better be alive when you see this.</em>
</p><p>The total time to the warehouse by flight was about three hours with the quinjet. Tony’s suit dropped that time to forty-five minutes.</p><p>They were easily the longest forty-five minutes of his life.</p><p>“Don’t you dare do this to me Steve. Don’t you dare.” Tony swore and had to bite his lip hard under the helmet to stave off the tears in his eyes. The thought of anything happening to Steve, and especially now when they’d uncovered so much-</p><p>They were healing. Finally, after so long. It would hurt too much to lose each other now. Tony wasn’t ready. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it, not with how hard things had been.</p><p>“Director inbound.” Tony heard in his ear and nearly jerked at the title. </p><p>“I’m sorry, did you just say ‘<em>Director</em>’!?”Tony spluttered, barely able to focus on his flight path for a second. </p><p>“Yes sir. It’s the standard set address. Everyone on a mission is issued a title.”</p><p>“What? Actually, you know what? Never mind. Just show me the coordinates. How far am I?” </p><p>“About sixteen kilometres from the site. The commander is located inside the warehouse-“</p><p>“Sir, incoming call from Agent Hill.” JARVIS interrupted and Tony glanced at the small square image of Maria on his HUD.</p><p>“Put her through.”</p><p>“Stark, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?”Maria barked, as soon as he accepted the call. “The commander ordered you to stay on the Helicarrier! You know you’re a target, not to mention, you’re still walking around with three bullet holes!”</p><p>“Aww, you worried about me Hill?” Tony laughed but then steeled his expression. “I know. For once I’m being careful. Actually, scratch that-I’m always careful.”</p><p>He could feel Maria’s judgement through the line. “You didn’t even hesitate to jump in, did you? The second you thought he was in trouble, you jumped into the suit and threw yourself out there as soon as you could. Because let’s face it, you’re more stubborn than Steve.”</p><p>Humming his agreement, he focused on his screen and turned so as to follow the path. He was above trees now, and could see the warehouse up ahead.</p><p>“You were like this before too. When you went and deleted your brain like some noble idiot. I’m warning you now, no one thinks you did the right thing there. No one.”</p><p>“Maria, why are you telling me this?”</p><p>“Because you asked me and Pepper to help you delete your brain. And you forgot all that when we still live with that every single day.”</p><p>Through the coms, her voice softened, just a fraction. </p><p>“Don’t get yourself killed helping Steve. Because while you won’t remember it, he’ll always remember it. Just like he still remembers the SHRA and almost killing you. Don’t give him more to relive.”</p><p>“I know how he feels.” Tony said quietly. “Being the one who... who killed him...”</p><p>Maria went silent for a moment. Then-</p><p>“You never killed him. If anything, you killed yourself first.”</p><p>Tony didn’t know what to say. He was so surprised by her words that he barely felt his feet touch the ground when he reached the warehouse.</p><p>“I’m here.” He said quietly and paused. “Thanks Hill.”</p><p>“Stay safe Stark. For all our sake.”</p><p>Whatever happened, he’d do his best to listen.</p><p>Hearing several agents give updates on his and Steve’s location, he began to approach the warehouse slowly, taking note of the strange heptagonal symbol on the huge steel double doors at the front.</p><p>The warehouse was huge and completely enclosed with no signs of windows or other exits, and there were no building for miles, which Tony had seen himself. There was just trees and dirt and nothing else.</p><p>“Give me the commanders coordinates. I’m heading in.” He said and after inspecting the lifted up his gauntlets and took aim. He fired and the door swung open helplessly.</p><p>As Steve had pointed out, there was no one. No one except Steve and his team.</p><p>Steve was stood in his full combat gear in the middle of the huge empty room. The inside of the warehouse was mostly empty, and Tony saw how the SWAT team working with Steve was mostly just inspecting the corners. Steve seemed to be fiddling with something in his hands.</p><p>At the sound of the door blasting off, Steve stopped and looked up.</p><p>Then his face drained and his eyes went wide.</p><p>“Tony!”</p><p>“I know you said-“</p><p>“TONY, LOOK OUT!” He screamed, looking ice-white and terrified as he yanked his shield off his back and flung his arm out to throw it. The shield went flying and behind Tony there was a loud metal screech.</p><p>It took every ounce of strength to push himself forward. He flew across the room and tried not to cry out at the feeling of his stitches pulling. Luckily Steve had his eyes on whatever was behind him.</p><p>Once he was by Steve’s side, he landed and turned around. It was a giant robot, almost identical to the one on the Helicarrier, only this one looked newer since parts of it were gleaming. And to everyone’s delight, the smaller robots scattered around all came to life as well and chose that moment to start coming towards them. So much for getting lucky.</p><p>“Goddammit Tony, get out of here! They’ve locked onto you!” Steve yelled and grabbed his wrist tightly with a white-knuckled grip.</p><p>“You don’t know that-“ Tony tried but instantly shut his mouth when he saw Steve’s expression. </p><p>Steve looked like he was gonna be sick. His fingers were digging into the metal of his gauntlet and his eyes were begging as he stared into Tony’s helmet.</p><p>“Please. I can handle them.” He said, and Tony noticed how his hand shook. “<em>Please</em> Tony, I just saw you get hurt. Let me handle it-“</p><p>“Well Mr. Stark! What a pleasure to see you again!” A voice cut in, and both Tony and Steve raised their fists and turned to look back at the robot. </p><p>A man emerged from behind it and stepped forward. His shoes clicked against the floor as he stepped forward.</p><p>Tony’s eye twitched. There was <em>no way-</em></p><p>“Mister Stark!” Robinson cried happily, clapping his hands together in delight. “How wonderful of you to join us.”</p><p>“Yeah, no.” Tony shook his head and rolled his eyes. “How about no.”</p><p>“You made these?” Steve asked beside him, and Tony didn’t miss the way Steve kept eyeing him, as if to say ‘<em>Get out of here</em>’.</p><p>“I prefer to think of myself as an opportunist. I hear machines are mister Stark’s special interest.”</p><p>“Please stop.” Tony begged and began to charge up his repulser and take aim. “Before I show you something real special. And I’m not talking about Captain America’s-“</p><p>Steve cut in swiftly. “Cancel the orders and kill the robots. I won’t ask again.”</p><p>Robinson smiled gleefully and nodded eagerly as if he was a kid at a candy store. </p><p>“Of course Commander! As soon as you reconsider my offer! I just want Stark, that’s all-“</p><p>Tony couldn’t help but laugh when he heard that. One look at Steve told him everything he already knew.</p><p>“Wrong thing to say Robinson. Of all the things you could’ve asked for-“ Tony shook his head and sighed. “That was probably the worst.”</p><p>“Now now.” Robinson held up both hands and tutted, choosing to try with Steve again. “It’s not unfair. I simply want his help with-“</p><p>Steve didn’t waste a second further. With superhuman speed, he sprinted past Tony and got to Robinson within seconds.</p><p>And proceeded to punch Robinson in the nose. The man went down after a solid crunch.</p><p>“Sorry pal. Should’ve done it sooner, I know.” Steve said as he flexed his wrist and stepped back. “Hope that clears things up.”</p><p>Robinson glared daggers at Steve and while he clutched his nose with one hand, he snapped his fingers with the other.</p><p>“Kill Rogers. And bring Stark to me.”</p><p>At once, the robots surged forward. All of the ones the agents had been dealing with turned towards them and began to close in on them. It didn’t take Tony long to realize the giant one was doing the same.</p><p>“Damn it.” Steve cussed under his breath. “<em>Damn it!</em>”</p><p>“Steve, I have a plan.” Tony said quickly and grabbed Steve’s arm. “If you aim for the control panel again, I’ll-“</p><p>“If you say distract-“</p><p>“I’ll <em>get their attention</em> by holding them off here-“</p><p>Steve whipped around and glared at Tony with enough force to make him step back. Tony let go of Steve like he’d been burned. Steve was livid.</p><p>“I knew you were gonna say that. Don’t bother, you wanted to stick with me? You’re coming with me.”</p><p>Though reluctant, Tony could see that Steve would be too focused on him to properly fight himself. So he had no choice but to stick with Steve.</p><p>They hadn’t always been like this. But then again, Steve was still thinking about his injuries. </p><p>He met Steve’s eyes and nodded.</p><p>“Fine.” He agreed reluctantly, trying not to feel too pleased when Steve’s whole face lit up and the tension fell from his shoulders. “You tell me where I’m going.”</p><p>“Ideally not too far.” Steve said and flashed him a grin before turning back to the approaching robots. “Maybe you drop me off on the back of the robot and let me sort the control panel. Just cover me and I’ll get it done.”</p><p>Tony agreed and without wasting another minute, reached out with his hands and picked Steve up by his waist. In one smooth motion he kicked them into the air and began to carry Steve to the giant robot.</p><p>Beside him Steve whistled. </p><p>“Just like old times!”</p><p>“Yup, just like old times!”</p><p>Tony dropped Steve onto the panel and just like before, Steve got to work. This time Tony hovered close and took out the smaller robots from a distance as they tried to get closer. Some of the Shield agents were attacking the wave of robots from behind, which also helped.</p><p>The giant robot was making a loud screeching noise and was waving its steel claws in the air, trying to deal with the source of its problem. Luckily Steve was completely out of its way. </p><p><em>Too bad,</em> Tony thought as he looked at Robinson, who was trying to duck under the giant robot. <em>You shouldn’t have gotten in Steve’s way.</em></p><p>Things were going to plan. Tony was hopeful everyone would come out unscathed.</p><p>Turned out he was wrong. <em>Again.</em></p><p>Robinson managed to crawl under but issued a series of commands, and in the blink of an eye, they were caught off guard.</p><p>“Kill Rogers! Fire now!” </p><p>That was when Tony noticed. There was a bright red dot aiming straight for Steve’s back. He was totally exposed to it.</p><p>Tony didn’t have time to think. He just reacted.</p><p>“STEVE!” He screamed and Steve turned and his eyes widened with horror.</p><p>A gunshot fired and Tony’s whole body erupted. Body writhing in pain, his boots cut off and he fell to the floor feeling dazed.</p><p>He’d been shot at.<em> Again.</em></p><p>“Tony!” Steve gasped and then steeled his gaze and ripped through the robot like tissue paper. Within minutes, the whole robot started to seize and fall.</p><p>Tony watched it fall while his vision swam. The world kept blurring and he was starting to see double.</p><p>He’d fallen to his knees and used the position to press a shaky hand to his waist where the bullet had found its mark. Somehow, the bullet had managed to pierce through his armor, and Tony realized dimly that whatever these bullets were made out of, they were clearly designed for superhumans. How else did they get through the armor?</p><p>It burned like hell though. Steve had probably been right to tell him to stay away.</p><p>There was shouting and the sound of metal tearing and bullets being fired but gradually it all faded until there was nothing but a loud ringing in his ears.</p><p>His stomach felt warm and damp and he couldn’t feel any pill from his stitches anymore. His hands felt cold. His eyes closed and when he opened them a moment later, he realized he was lying flat on the ground and facing the ceiling.</p><p>The gunfire was dying out. He thought he could hear Steve shouting.</p><p>
  <em>Would be a real shame if I died here.</em>
</p><p>His body screamed in protest as he began to cough and suddenly he found himself smiling.</p><p>Only a few weeks ago he hadn’t cared whether he lived or died. And today he was hoping desperately that he hadn’t just signed his own death warrant.</p><p>He didn’t want to die. Not today, not ever. </p><p>“Tony, stay with me-“</p><p>He had a team. He had friends-</p><p>“Tony, please, just hang on-“</p><p>He had Steve. </p><p>“Don’t do this-“</p><p>He would try. </p><p>“Tony-“</p><p>He had to try.</p><p>“H-hey St’ve?” Tony blinked and smiled softly at the blurry image of Steve above him. </p><p>
  <em>“I l’ve you.”</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>When he next blinked open his eyes, he was greeted with the familiar white lights of the medbay and against his will his lips curved into a small smile.</p><p>He’d made it. He’d<em> survived.</em></p><p>The relief that crashed over him was enough to make him want to fall back into sleep but there was one thing he had to check on before he did. Thankfully he discovered he didn’t have to go far.</p><p>Lips brushed against his forehead. And when he cleared his vision he saw Steve standing over him with tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Before you even try and explain that one, I just want to say one thing, okay?” Steve said quietly and sniffed once before rubbing at his eyes.</p><p>“I know why you did it. I get why since I’d do the same. But can you please, for once in your life stop giving me a heart attack?”</p><p>Tony couldn’t help it. He started to smile, especially when Steve glared at him. </p><p>“That’s not funny.”</p><p>“So is...” Tony mumbled groggily and felt his eyes slide shut again. At least Steve was okay, even if he wasn’t.</p><p>“We’re not done here. We have so much to talk about. I'm so angry with you, I can't even begin to explain it.” Steve continued to say and without opening his eyes, Tony nodded again, feeling his heart sink.</p><p>He knew what Steve was gonna say. And he completely understood it too.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Tony breathed and looked up, feeling his eyes start to burn. "I was just trying to keep you safe. That's all."</p><p>It was just that he didn’t want Steve hurt. It was just that he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Steve again. And it was just the fear that he’d lose what they could have.</p><p>He loved Steve so much it hurt. Made him do insane things and take huge risks. </p><p>All because he loved him. Irrevocably. Immeasurably. Infinitely. He’d do anything for him.</p><p>"You were the same during the registration act too." Steve said softly, and looked at him with knowing eyes. He looked exhausted and so worn down, but underneath all that, he just looked at Tony with fondness. Like he wasn't surprised. "I think I'm starting to see why."</p><p>Tony choked out a wet laugh at that and shook his head. "You honestly don't know? I don't want to lose you. I can't."</p><p>"I know. You'd do anything to keep me safe. Including take the blame for a fight we both started." Steve whispered. And suddenly he looked so upset.</p><p>Almost tentatively, Steve spoke.</p><p>"It wasn't your fault Tony. I was wrong to say it. And I'm sorry for letting everyone believe it." He said and suddenly it was like Tony could breathe again. Like a weight lifted off his shoulders, it was exactly what he'd needed to hear, even if he hadn't known.</p><p>Tears welled in his eyes at the words. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and yet-</p><p>"I'm pretty sure it is." Tony whispered, feeling his face crumple. "I was the one who killed you. It was me. I might as well have pulled the trigger." He choked out and swallowed heavily and looked at Steve with pleading eyes.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm <em>so</em> sorry."</p><p>"I'm sorry too." Steve choked out too, and without another word, stepped close and gathered Tony into a careful hug. For a moment, they just held each other, feeling the release of what was months of pent up emotions and words left unsaid. They'd fought against each other and torn each other apart, but somehow all of that seemed to fade when they were close like this. There was a piece of themselves they'd been missing and it had finally come together.</p><p>"Hey." Steve chuckled wetly, burying his face in Tony's hair. "I think you made up for it either way. That's twice you've taken a hit for me. And that's not counting before."</p><p>Silently Tony shook his head against Steve's chest and exhaled. Then shakily, he pulled back and looked up.</p><p>"I love you. I'd do anything for you-"</p><p>“I’d do anything for you too.” Steve whispered gently and Tony's eyes widened when Steve pressed another kiss to his hair.</p><p>“And between you and me...” He added and pulled back slightly, smiling tiredly, and closed his eyes like there was some joke there that he couldn’t help but laugh at. </p><p>“After everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve faced, I can say without a doubt-”</p><p>Steve opened his eyes and looked at him. </p><p>“I love you too. And I don’t want you to ever forget that. War and all.” Steve said and leaned in to press his lips to Tony's. "We're in this together. Just like we should've been. Like we always have." </p><p>Tony knew there was still so much more to come. Steve would no doubt have so much more to discuss. They still had so many issues to resolve and so many things to work out. But at this moment, Tony was sure of one thing.</p><p>Things would get better. They already had.</p><p> <em>Fin</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And there we have it! If you've made it here, I just want to say a huge thank you for taking the time to read this fic! This was a collaboration with Oluka and Oestentia who were absolutely wonderful throughout this big bang event! I could not have done it without them and I URGE you to check out their art if you haven't already! Please do show them the love they deserve, because they really do deserve it! THEY'RE SO TALENTED!</p><p>As always, please do let me and Lu and Juni know what you thought! We hope you enjoyed our contribution to the CapIronman Big Bang 2020!</p><p>Stay tuned-there's more coming soon!</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825097">[Art] cap-im BB 2020: team JULIETT</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/lomku/pseuds/oluka">oluka (lomku)</a>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844804">Art for The words you choose to say</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/oestentia/pseuds/oestentia">oestentia</a>
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